After my meltdown last week, I had a relatively calm weekend. I crashed right after Katie went to bed on Friday, and Bobby let me sleep in, so I got about 13 hours of (mostly) uninterrupted rest. I'm still feeling a little ragged around the edges, but I've mostly pulled myself together. I know I’m still closer to my limits than I’d like, and my hold on my temper is frayed, but I can smile when I don't mean it. I don't like when it's obvious I'm on edge, and pretty much everyone noticed and commented last week.

Saturday, my mom joined my gym, because she had high blood pressure at her annual exam last week. She has been considering it for a while, but explored cheaper options first and never went to any of them more than once or twice. She thinks if she is going with me, she might actually go. I talked her into joining my class as well, at least for the 2 months she got free with my referral.

Today was weigh-in, and I am happy with a 2.4 lb loss putting me at 173.4 (after a false read of 172, stupid scale). That means I've lost everything I gained in December, and a little extra. I also hit my 5% goal, and set my next one for 168 lbs. While I'm still ashamed of my behavior last week, I'm proud of myself for not trying to bury it with food.

When I got started with all this, I made a spreadsheet that calculates my loss so far and how much I need to lose next week to be on track for my ultimate goal of 58 lbs in 50 weeks. I know Weight Watchers advises against deadlines, but it's just a tool; I'm not going decide if I succeeded based on my weight on that date. Katie's second birthday was a huge catalyst for me, and I promised myself then that I would be in a better place by her third birthday. The small weekly goals really help motivate me to keep trying. This is my eleventh week - double the amount of time my last "diet" lasted.

I also made a little grid with a square for each pound I want to lose. I listed my milestone goals and marked them on the grid. Each week I cross off a box each pound lost and keep it in view on my desk. It's very satisfying to see my row of Xs. I think about how much I want to cross off another box or two next Monday, and it helps me turn down invitations to lunch and still-warm mall pretzels.

Ohoh! I also bought a pair of running shoes. Bobby has been pestering me a while to get a good pair designed specifically for walking/running. I'm excited to use them tonight.