I took some measurements this morning because the pants I wore yesterday were literally falling off of me. The 13 lbs I’ve lost are equal to 5 inches at my waist, 7 inches under my bust (what?!!), 2 inches on each upper arm, and 2 inches around either thigh. I’ve even lost an inch off each of my forearms, which I thought were fairly lean to start off with. To say nothing about the apron. (Goodness, what an awful term. When I was pregnant, it was like a big drip of fat, permanently suspended from my baby bump.) I don’t know how to measure it, but I know it used to rest on my lap when I sat straight in my office chair and it doesn’t anymore. It might be wishful thinking, but I’m pretty sure I have more neck than I’ve seen in years. I’ve gone beyond “muscle is denser than fat” and am now defying the laws of physics. My body has totally got the wrong idea about conservation of mass. I’m going to be the first ever 170 lb, 5’2” size 4.
(Btw, I’m thrilled about being in a size 14. My height disclaimer was because some of my buddies have 12 or 14 as their end goal, and I didn’t want it to seem like I didn’t think that was good enough. It is! It’s just not enough for me. My body fat % is still in the 30s.)
Thanks for the kind words yesterday. I’m sure I’m going to redefine my stress ceiling while I try to sell this freaking house while working. I’m hiring a maid to prevent a catastrophic domestic event. (I just got the coolest comic montage in my head about a homemaking mother gone villainess.) I finished packing, emptied, and got all the repairs done on our condo in Vegas by myself in under 2 weeks while Bobby came to Texas to start working. I did it with my mother-in-law around attempting to interfere with or undo every decision I made. I know I can make it happen if I want to.
Bobby IS pretty awesome. He’s been making dinner, which is super, but also bad. He’s not terribly aware of nutrition. (Bagels are a HEALTH food! I cooked dinner, you don’t need to make vegetables! Potatoes are good for you!) On Monday, he made curry with 18g of fat per serving in the sauce alone, most of it saturated. I made myself something else quickly, and he was very upset. Last night, he shooed me out of the kitchen and tried again. He made baked salmon with lemon pepper, steamed spinach, nuked some peas, and opened a pack of precooked organic wild rice and quinoa. He plated it for me with half vegetables, and slightly more protein than carbs. He IS listening! And it was fantastic. He has come a long way from mournfully bringing me boxes of potatoes au gratin and begging me to make them for him.
He has also lost 10 lbs “by accident” while I’ve been on my diet. (His words.) He was already pretty trim, since he runs about 6-8 hours every day, so I can’t really tell a difference in his appearance. He is happy, though.
My boss is chain eating crunchy things to satisfy his cigarette cravings, and it is driving me crazy. If I never see or hear another open-mouthed Dorito crunch-smack-crunch, it will be too soon.
Bonus: One of the designers who has been especially difficult to work with is now making it very clear to everyone on the project that she’s a putz by throwing tantrums on the jobsite.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Dreaming
When I got laid off in 2009, I was taking the prereqs for nursing. Shortly following, I found out I was pregnant, and ultimately withdrew after missing too many labs. (Scent of formaldehyde and morning sickness do NOT mix well.) After Katie was born, I looked into going back, but our budget couldn’t handle the additional expenses without some drastic changes. Instead, I ended up back in the position I left in 2007, and I’m hating it as much as ever.
Bobby is ready for some drastic changes. He found something he wants to go back to school for, so he’s ready to sell his route, which requires we sell our house. He has also rediscovered how much it sucks to have a wife constantly stressed and angry about work. I try really hard not to take it all home with me, but it still taxes my resources. I have less energy/will to cook or clean and less patience for the terrible twos. Any extra little thing has me snapping at him or crying over our accounting when I can’t get something to balance. At night, when all is quiet and I can’t shove it all away, I obsess about work instead of sleeping.
So, the major changes in the L&S household. First, we’re meeting with a realtor to list our house this weekend. I’ll quit my job once it’s sold just before the start of whatever semester I can get into. Bobby will go after me. If we can get the house sold quickly enough, I might be back in school this August. Might actually be kind of nice to JUST go to school, not work full/part time as well.
I’m going for nursing, and I’m terrified about taking Anatomy again. I know I’m smart, and I know last time it was mostly pregnancy that made it so hard to keep up. (I fell asleep every time I opened my textbook, even at the kitchen table.) I’m also pretty worried that it will still be too stressful. I can handle having a lot to do, fast pace. What I CAN’T handle, is having more than double what even my company designates an acceptable workload, knowing I don’t have enough time to do everything on each of my projects, and knowing it won’t change. I miss things, and there’s nothing I can do about it. When these projects are through, I’ll only get more to replace them. And at the end of the day, what is my contribution to the world? A furnished hotel. Maybe a super posh hotel, but still just a hotel. At least I’m not doing casinos anymore.
So here’s hoping.
Bobby is ready for some drastic changes. He found something he wants to go back to school for, so he’s ready to sell his route, which requires we sell our house. He has also rediscovered how much it sucks to have a wife constantly stressed and angry about work. I try really hard not to take it all home with me, but it still taxes my resources. I have less energy/will to cook or clean and less patience for the terrible twos. Any extra little thing has me snapping at him or crying over our accounting when I can’t get something to balance. At night, when all is quiet and I can’t shove it all away, I obsess about work instead of sleeping.
So, the major changes in the L&S household. First, we’re meeting with a realtor to list our house this weekend. I’ll quit my job once it’s sold just before the start of whatever semester I can get into. Bobby will go after me. If we can get the house sold quickly enough, I might be back in school this August. Might actually be kind of nice to JUST go to school, not work full/part time as well.
I’m going for nursing, and I’m terrified about taking Anatomy again. I know I’m smart, and I know last time it was mostly pregnancy that made it so hard to keep up. (I fell asleep every time I opened my textbook, even at the kitchen table.) I’m also pretty worried that it will still be too stressful. I can handle having a lot to do, fast pace. What I CAN’T handle, is having more than double what even my company designates an acceptable workload, knowing I don’t have enough time to do everything on each of my projects, and knowing it won’t change. I miss things, and there’s nothing I can do about it. When these projects are through, I’ll only get more to replace them. And at the end of the day, what is my contribution to the world? A furnished hotel. Maybe a super posh hotel, but still just a hotel. At least I’m not doing casinos anymore.
So here’s hoping.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Miserable Day
Yesterday was just flat out rotten until the evening rolled around. I really did not want to go to my workout, and put it off as long as possible. Once I was there, however, I sweat and grouched and complained and pushed through, and once I was finished, I felt better. I went home to a home cooked meal that was fresh and balanced and delicious and enjoyed the rest of the night with my family.
Today, I can feel my mood trying to sink down again. (Like when my boss told his boyfriend this morning that he will be surprised if he's still here come summer.) I'm trying really hard to hold on to my cheerful morning, but mostly that means I'm chatting and joking around, not getting as much done. The work is just one disaster after another though. Every call and email is more bad news.
I'm thinking more and more about what else I could do, but I did look in other industries when I decided to return to work, but the response wasn't encouraging. I was very reluctant about coming back into hospitality procurement, because I knew how high stress it is. I even knew this company had a history of overloading personnel, because my mother worked here before the economy slumped. She quit and went to work for the state making a third of her salary and laughs when I tell her about my day. But she could afford the year off it took to find her current job. I can't.
We have plans for getting out of our house and making a move back west possible, but it's a long road there yet, and our house value just keeps sinking. Days like yesterday make me very impatient to get wherever we're going to go. Kind of like weightloss...!
In the interest of full disclosure, I ate 3 doughnuts and a Chick-Fil-A Spicy Chicken Sandwich meal yesterday. Used well over double my daily allotment of points. I know that will hurt me on the scale Monday. But I got into a size 14 skirt this morning, and it wasn't too tight to wear in public. (Started in size 18s. Remember, though, I'm short. Size 14 looks good on 5'9", but I've still got a ways to go at 5'2".) It might be slow, but I'll get there. I just need that confidence to spill over into other areas of my life now.
Today, I can feel my mood trying to sink down again. (Like when my boss told his boyfriend this morning that he will be surprised if he's still here come summer.) I'm trying really hard to hold on to my cheerful morning, but mostly that means I'm chatting and joking around, not getting as much done. The work is just one disaster after another though. Every call and email is more bad news.
I'm thinking more and more about what else I could do, but I did look in other industries when I decided to return to work, but the response wasn't encouraging. I was very reluctant about coming back into hospitality procurement, because I knew how high stress it is. I even knew this company had a history of overloading personnel, because my mother worked here before the economy slumped. She quit and went to work for the state making a third of her salary and laughs when I tell her about my day. But she could afford the year off it took to find her current job. I can't.
We have plans for getting out of our house and making a move back west possible, but it's a long road there yet, and our house value just keeps sinking. Days like yesterday make me very impatient to get wherever we're going to go. Kind of like weightloss...!
In the interest of full disclosure, I ate 3 doughnuts and a Chick-Fil-A Spicy Chicken Sandwich meal yesterday. Used well over double my daily allotment of points. I know that will hurt me on the scale Monday. But I got into a size 14 skirt this morning, and it wasn't too tight to wear in public. (Started in size 18s. Remember, though, I'm short. Size 14 looks good on 5'9", but I've still got a ways to go at 5'2".) It might be slow, but I'll get there. I just need that confidence to spill over into other areas of my life now.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Skinny and the Geek
After my resolve yesterday, I feel guilty about my scale check this morning, even though I was really happy with the number. I justified it by saying I'd just finished my TOM and had exercised self-control for the first time, so I NEEDED to see how that affected my WL. (Yeah, sure, you can quit any time, right?) Then I did a happy dance and called Bobby to tell him the good news.
I am 1 lb away from an overweight BMI. I know I can't count it unless the weigh-in on Monday agrees, but thinking about how close I am is a big boost in my motivation. The BMI change over coincides with my 10% milestone, too, and is just shy of 20 lbs lost. The wall I'm hauling my butt over in 8 weeks is looking a little shorter. I know I said yesterday that I'm more worried about what I can do than how much I weigh, but the BMI thing is a big deal to me. I was so shocked when I found out how low the obesity level is for my height and how far past it I was. (Hard to call yourself chubby when you're medically obese.)
I'm 8 days of 8 so far for my active everyday challenge. Fridays are the hardest day for me, because I co-lead a raid in the Star Wars MMO right after Katie goes to bed. (If you don't know what that is, suffice it to say that it means I am a huge geek.) I'm going to try to convince Katie she wants to let me do yoga/do yoga with me after work today. She thinks I should be able to do pushups with her sitting on my back, but hopefully Down Dog won't be so tempting.
Last night, Bobby and I pulled out the Kinect after Kate went to bed and played for almost 2 hours. (Well, he watched me play Just Dance. He gets plenty of exercise at work.) We got very competitive with the Adventure game. It has an obstacle course thing. You have to jump, duck, and dodge obstacles and try to get as many coins as possible. Some of the coins are arranged so you have to stand with one leg out at a 45 degree angle, one arm out straight, and one arm up. Jumping makes you go faster, and time left on your clock at the end gives you bonus points. I'm better at collecting coins, but Bobby is faster, and he can jump up and down through the whole thing. It got pretty intense, and it was a lot of fun.
I am 1 lb away from an overweight BMI. I know I can't count it unless the weigh-in on Monday agrees, but thinking about how close I am is a big boost in my motivation. The BMI change over coincides with my 10% milestone, too, and is just shy of 20 lbs lost. The wall I'm hauling my butt over in 8 weeks is looking a little shorter. I know I said yesterday that I'm more worried about what I can do than how much I weigh, but the BMI thing is a big deal to me. I was so shocked when I found out how low the obesity level is for my height and how far past it I was. (Hard to call yourself chubby when you're medically obese.)
I'm 8 days of 8 so far for my active everyday challenge. Fridays are the hardest day for me, because I co-lead a raid in the Star Wars MMO right after Katie goes to bed. (If you don't know what that is, suffice it to say that it means I am a huge geek.) I'm going to try to convince Katie she wants to let me do yoga/do yoga with me after work today. She thinks I should be able to do pushups with her sitting on my back, but hopefully Down Dog won't be so tempting.
Last night, Bobby and I pulled out the Kinect after Kate went to bed and played for almost 2 hours. (Well, he watched me play Just Dance. He gets plenty of exercise at work.) We got very competitive with the Adventure game. It has an obstacle course thing. You have to jump, duck, and dodge obstacles and try to get as many coins as possible. Some of the coins are arranged so you have to stand with one leg out at a 45 degree angle, one arm out straight, and one arm up. Jumping makes you go faster, and time left on your clock at the end gives you bonus points. I'm better at collecting coins, but Bobby is faster, and he can jump up and down through the whole thing. It got pretty intense, and it was a lot of fun.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
"I know it hurts; it's supposed to!"
"Breath! Breath more!"
My two favorite quotes from Tony Horton's P90X videos. They run through my head all the time, especially when my muscles are screaming about lactic acid.
As previously mentioned, I'm kicking myself into high gear to prepare for my race in < 9 weeks. So far, I've done something active every single day in March. I tried this once before and discovered that I could not do leg intensive workouts 3 days in a row and expect to improve my pace. (In fact, I think overwork was a contributing factor in how sick I ended up.) This time, I'm alternating focus and intensity. My treadmill class is all lower body most of the time, so I thought I was safe doing upper body Tuesday. Alex (our instructor) threw a curve ball at us last night and had us doing weights in intervals with the treadmill stuff, including one particularly brutal lift that had my deltoids (shoulders) screaming for mercy. I can't lift my arms all the way today. Ouch! So I don't know what I want to do tonight. Core?
My body feels pretty great though, all considered. I had a good discussion with Alex this week about goals, too, and it's making me feel better about the slooooow weight loss. My goals primarily center around things I want to DO, and if I get in good race-you-to-the-top condition, I know the shape of my body will improve, too. I'm still using the number on the scale as a barometer to measure progress, though, and it sucks to feel myself getting fitter, stronger, and still not have that number show what I feel happening. I know it's a trap: I know muscle is denser than fat, but I still weigh-in and feel my heart sink a little bit when the number stays stubborn.
With that in mind, I'm thinking about giving up the scale for this month. It's tough, because I feel SO GOOD when I do have a loss to hold in my mind and smile about. I tell myself it's a good time to reevaluate my week. Did I really eat as well as I thought I did? What could I have done better? But really, I weigh myself twice a day now, because I feel like I need to KNOW how I'm doing. I don't want to be surprised on Monday morning. I'm addicted. I'm going to have Bobby hide it.
I have stopped double checking my scale even though it gives an artificially low number the first time. It does it every time, so it is still an accurate measure of loss, if not actual weight. It tickles at my mind a little bit that it's wrong, but not it's not nearly as frustrating as weighing myself 6 or 7 times in a row to try to get an accurate read.
My two favorite quotes from Tony Horton's P90X videos. They run through my head all the time, especially when my muscles are screaming about lactic acid.
As previously mentioned, I'm kicking myself into high gear to prepare for my race in < 9 weeks. So far, I've done something active every single day in March. I tried this once before and discovered that I could not do leg intensive workouts 3 days in a row and expect to improve my pace. (In fact, I think overwork was a contributing factor in how sick I ended up.) This time, I'm alternating focus and intensity. My treadmill class is all lower body most of the time, so I thought I was safe doing upper body Tuesday. Alex (our instructor) threw a curve ball at us last night and had us doing weights in intervals with the treadmill stuff, including one particularly brutal lift that had my deltoids (shoulders) screaming for mercy. I can't lift my arms all the way today. Ouch! So I don't know what I want to do tonight. Core?
My body feels pretty great though, all considered. I had a good discussion with Alex this week about goals, too, and it's making me feel better about the slooooow weight loss. My goals primarily center around things I want to DO, and if I get in good race-you-to-the-top condition, I know the shape of my body will improve, too. I'm still using the number on the scale as a barometer to measure progress, though, and it sucks to feel myself getting fitter, stronger, and still not have that number show what I feel happening. I know it's a trap: I know muscle is denser than fat, but I still weigh-in and feel my heart sink a little bit when the number stays stubborn.
With that in mind, I'm thinking about giving up the scale for this month. It's tough, because I feel SO GOOD when I do have a loss to hold in my mind and smile about. I tell myself it's a good time to reevaluate my week. Did I really eat as well as I thought I did? What could I have done better? But really, I weigh myself twice a day now, because I feel like I need to KNOW how I'm doing. I don't want to be surprised on Monday morning. I'm addicted. I'm going to have Bobby hide it.
I have stopped double checking my scale even though it gives an artificially low number the first time. It does it every time, so it is still an accurate measure of loss, if not actual weight. It tickles at my mind a little bit that it's wrong, but not it's not nearly as frustrating as weighing myself 6 or 7 times in a row to try to get an accurate read.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Walk While Eating Funnel Cake = ?? PP
Another very busy weekend, and one I very much ignored my WW fairy. (Sunday, anyway. I was pretty good on Saturday.)
After my class at the gym on Saturday, we went up to one of our favorite ATV parks on the Red River. It was nice, if not super warm, but we had a very nice afternoon riding the trails. We were with a big group doing semi-challenging stuff, so I mostly stayed with my stepdad in his rzr. (It's a four wheeler with side-by-side bucket seats and a roll cage.) I spent a little time on Bobby's four wheeler towards the end of the day. We had a lot of fun.
Sunday, we went to the North Texas Irish Festival with some friends. Katie enjoyed another pony ride and dipping her fingers in the reflection pond. I enjoyed a bowl of shephard's pie and a funnel cake. Yummy. I skipped lots of other stuff I normally would have sampled, but I probably should have done without the funnel cake, too. I was proud of myself for passing on a "But it's free!" sandwich, because it wasn't what I wanted.
I played with my tracking spreadsheet a little. If I keep doing the same thing I've been doing for the last 16 weeks, I'll be on track to hit my first personal milestone the week I do the mud run. I need to kick my butt back on track (instead of meandering in a generally correct direction) and make some real progress in the next 7ish weeks. Anything I don't lose by then, I have to haul over a rope net obstacle and possibly a rope wall. I'd like to be down more than just another 5 lbs. I took entire week off from the gym while I was sick and completely pushed my extra training for upper body out the window, so it's time to get that together again.
On that note, I traded my Wii for an Xbox 360 and Kinect. So far, I really like the Kinect a lot more. I spent so much time with the Wii holding perfectly still or shifting slightly for its balance games, and I really didn't think that was the best use of my time for my goals. I also bought a Yoga DVD to do at home, because they changed the time of the class at the gym just enough so I can't do it after my regular class.
After my class at the gym on Saturday, we went up to one of our favorite ATV parks on the Red River. It was nice, if not super warm, but we had a very nice afternoon riding the trails. We were with a big group doing semi-challenging stuff, so I mostly stayed with my stepdad in his rzr. (It's a four wheeler with side-by-side bucket seats and a roll cage.) I spent a little time on Bobby's four wheeler towards the end of the day. We had a lot of fun.
Sunday, we went to the North Texas Irish Festival with some friends. Katie enjoyed another pony ride and dipping her fingers in the reflection pond. I enjoyed a bowl of shephard's pie and a funnel cake. Yummy. I skipped lots of other stuff I normally would have sampled, but I probably should have done without the funnel cake, too. I was proud of myself for passing on a "But it's free!" sandwich, because it wasn't what I wanted.
I played with my tracking spreadsheet a little. If I keep doing the same thing I've been doing for the last 16 weeks, I'll be on track to hit my first personal milestone the week I do the mud run. I need to kick my butt back on track (instead of meandering in a generally correct direction) and make some real progress in the next 7ish weeks. Anything I don't lose by then, I have to haul over a rope net obstacle and possibly a rope wall. I'd like to be down more than just another 5 lbs. I took entire week off from the gym while I was sick and completely pushed my extra training for upper body out the window, so it's time to get that together again.
On that note, I traded my Wii for an Xbox 360 and Kinect. So far, I really like the Kinect a lot more. I spent so much time with the Wii holding perfectly still or shifting slightly for its balance games, and I really didn't think that was the best use of my time for my goals. I also bought a Yoga DVD to do at home, because they changed the time of the class at the gym just enough so I can't do it after my regular class.
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