Baby Shower

This weekend Bobby and I went to Louisiana for a baby shower with his family. Because of the way we got married, and his self-imposed exile when I met him, I'd never met the majority of his family. I was very pleasantly surprised by how warm and welcoming and similar to my own boisterous clan they were. Bobby was surprised, too. In the car on the way home he said that maybe it was just everything in his head and heart as a teenager and they all just were too much in his business. That they didn't mean to push him away by trying to push and pull him in one direction or another and that he's sorry to have lost time with them. (I'm paraphrasing a bit..) It made me happy that he feels like he can enjoy time with them again.

I've always felt like my family is very close and tries to be involved with each other. We're very spread out (from California to Idaho, Connecticut to India), but when I was younger, my great-grandparents would put out a newsletter every month and include letters from anyone who'd sent one in that month. So even though it might be years and years between our visits, we'd still get the major milestones, as well as the day-to-day minutiae that makes up the little (important!) details of our lives. Since my great-grandmother died, that's stopped, but now we have facebook (hah!) and a surprising number of us are on and active on there sharing the bits and pieces. Bobby has convinced his parents to get accounts, and slowly more and more of his family are joining and posting their bits and pieces, though admittedly some have an easier time navigating than others. (True for my relatives as well.) And it's so wonderful to see him linking more closely with them. They add me, too, so I'm having a good time getting to know them by increments and seeing pictures and things. For the most part, I'd only seen Bobby's baby pictures (his mom had seven albums and they only go to about age 4), so it's really cool seeing everyone all grown up. It definitely helped me keep things straight once I started being introduced to everyone at the shower.

So, with that enormous side tangent explored, the shower! It was at Bobby's stepsister's (Sara) house and it seemed like we were the last to arrive, even though we were right on time. It took me half an hour to make it out of the entry way, I swear. Bobby got tugged off in another direction pretty immediately, so I had a few minutes of feeling very much adrift, but I did all right. I eventually found a stool to sit on and I stuck there most the night and let people come to me. It's pretty blurry, but I know I smiled and laughed and said hello many times over. I talked to cousins and aunts and grandparents and people I had no idea who they were, and it was a lot of fun. Afterward, I started putting it all together. "So which aunt was loud with really dark eyes?" But in the moment, I pretty much just let it go since I wouldn't get it straight and had a good time.

I did have a single moment of mortification. The stool I'd chosen was right against the wall beside a sliding glass door. I didn't notice anything ON the wall until I'd bumped something with my head and it fell and shattered under my chair. Everyone went utterly silent. 30+ people talking and laughing and then all falling quiet at once to look at you is awful. They blamed Bobby, so I had to say something. Sara's husband said it'd already been broken and glued back together, but I still feel really, really bad. Ugh. >.< I hate being clumsy.

I was just about comfortable enough to get a plate of food when someone came to grab us to go open presents. They put us on two chairs in front of everybody next to a veritable mountain of gifts. Bobby whispered, "Ugh, you know how I love to be the center of attention," in my ear, and I gave him a look that meant I would find a way to incinerate him if he tried to leave me. I'm still overwhelmed by how generous everyone was. Pretty much everything off my registry was there, even the items I put in because I knew I needed them, but didn't expect anyone to buy because they were too expensive. And, of course, there was a lot of Ohh and Aww going around. I laughed when I looked up to see all the guys hovering around and looking bored, and was happy when conversations started springing up again instead of everyone just focusing on me. I might post pictures of my favorite things later, but I need to charge the camera battery.

Once we were done, things started breaking up, and we spent an hour or so taking group photos and hugging and saying thank you and goodbye to everyone before helping clean up. We loaded all of the gifts into my mom's car. One of Bobby's aunt brought us clothes her 7 month old doesn't fit anymore and it's lucky the people who purchased larger items got them online and opted to have them shipped to us, because my car and my mom's were full for the drive back to Dallas.

Getting all the baby stuff has really made everything seem a lot more immediate. Only 2 months until my due date now; eep! It took me a long time to fall asleep after the shower, because I couldn't stop thinking about how inevitable the life altering event is now. I chose this, of course, but that doesn't make the looming of the future less intimidating. The bottles are the worst. I think because I've actually used them before? (Not these exact ones, of course, but I've fed babies.) The clothes were more abstract as I was collecting bits and pieces, but the bottles... It's my responsibility to make sure they're full, if that makes sense. I have to know what to do with them and it made everything else look all different, too. Suddenly the clothes were outfits I'd put on and take off a child. Laundry I have to learn to keep up with. Diaper rash ointment I'll apply to a little bottom. Nail clippers I'll wield with dread and necessity. A rattle I'll shake, praying it's the magic no-more-tears solution. It's all very weighty.

I really am excited, though. Just so we're clear. I am not on the edge of a breakdown, I just had a couple minutes of "OMG, what have I done?"

We got home last night about 7 and called my mom so she could empty her trunk. I went through the boxes of hand-me-downs. It's mostly 0-3 stuff and I told Bobby last night that even if those were all the clothes we had, there's no way ours would be able to wear all of them. I sorted them all by size, but I think I'm going to go through again and just pull out the stuff I really like or that looks like it will be really good for winter wear. I'll put the rest aside to return later. There's just soo much. Then I went through the gifts and opened everything I was positive I wouldn't want to potentially return or exchange and sorted it all by category. (Bath, kitchen, toys, etc.) I saved putting together the stroller for very last and had to get Bobby help me collapse it the first couple times. I didn't put anything away, so my living room is a disaster of babydom. A pack-and-play, high chair, swing, and exersaucer are shipping, so I can put them together once they get here. Where am I supposed to put it all? For such tiny little beings, they sure do use a lot of stuff.

All official like

I had my second official sonogram today to check out baby growth for impending delivery (eep!). She's growing fine and is apparently 3.5 lbs. I asked the tech to check her parts again at Bobby's request. He wanted to be absolutely sure she's not a surprise he. The tech seems very positive. I posted the new scans of the sono on my facebook, and everyone seemed very excited. I'm amazed how much bigger she is now! (It is weird thinking of her as a her; I've been trying to think of her as Evelyn, but I just can't. Maybe it's not the right name?)

We're leaving tomorrow for the baby shower in Louisiana. I am very nervous about meeting everyone, but they've all be very friendly online. I'm bringing wine for Miss Roxann and chocolate for Sara.

Eat better... or else?

More about breastfeeding.. I'm very one track mind these days. Apparently, if mom is lacking a nutrient in her diet, her body won't just make milk lacking that nutrient. It will make as much high quality milk as it has supplies for, and then not make more. So, I guess I have to start making sure I'm eating a balanced diet? I'm not sure I know what one looks like. I'll have to remember to ask my doctor if my prenatal vitamin can help with that.

Breastfeeding

It seems like a lot of people make a very big deal about breastfeeding. There's lots of pamphlets and information in books and specialists to help women learn to breastfeed, and it's a little alarming. I always kind of took it for granted that breastfeeding was natural and instinctive and (dare I say?) easy. To find that it apparently isn't is a little disconcerting. I have me fingers crossed that I won't have such a difficult time as a lot of women seem to.

In doing all this reading, however, I have found that breast milk is totally amazing. It's different if you give birth prematurely than if you go full term. As the baby grows, the content evolves to meet the changing needs of the baby. If mom sweats a lot, her body assumes the baby is too and adjusts to replace salts lost, basically making gatorade milk. Isn't that just.. wow? It does so much. And that's saying nothing of the apparent health benefits (and not just for baby, for mom, too).

With all of that in mind, I feel bad for women who can't breastfeed. It must be very difficult knowing how much better it is than formula and not be able to provide in that way. I hope I am able to breastfeed my baby. I hope other women realize that while not as good, formula is still a perfectly good option and shouldn't beat themselves (or each other) up if it's not happening on the natural feeding front.

Also, my book says that my weight gain should start to taper off. I haven't completely gained back the 16 lbs I lost, so I'm beginning to feel very hopeful about how much weight I will ultimately reclaim.

I feel the baby move all the time now, which is very cool. Some days she's more active than others, but I almost always feel her moving around at night when I'd really like to go to sleep.