Why My Husband Thinks I'm Crazy

Sometimes a book may sit on my shelf for months - years - before I get around to reading it. Some of this is merely laziness, certainly, especially if I suspect the book in question might have some Literary Merit. Sometimes, however, the reason for my inattention is more indeterminate. I pass it over again and again when I peruse my "Unread" shelf. I am interested in it; I am looking forward to reading it, but today just simply isn't the day to begin. I am not ready, I am not in the right frame of mind, I am not reading it yet. I might feel guilty about it (especially if it is one of those with several years worth of dust patina), and make a halfhearted attempt to read the first chapter, but put it down again before I really sink my teeth in.

Occasionally, I will stand before my bookcase, lips slightly pursed as I reject all my usual favorites. My eyes will pass by one of my neglected lovies out of habit, then pause and return. My gaze might linger consideringly upon its spine for several minutes before I pluck the book from its shelf and blow away the dust. I'll look at the cover, read a blurb by another author I might or might not respect. I'll idly flip the pages, weighing its contents by the feel of them passing my fingers. And maybe, just maybe, I'll take that book with my to my favorite comfy corner and immerse myself in it. Strangely, I hardly ever read the back of the book during this evaluation. The book's plot has somehow become immaterial to me.

Rarely am I disappointed by one of the books I've saved for myself. Sometimes its an author I love, who doesn't publish books frequently enough to quench my thirst, and so I draw out the anticipation as long as possible. (I certainly don't draw out the actual reading. I may start out with that intention, but I'll be devouring phrases by the time I've hit the third paragraph.) More often, it's a book that caught my attention for reasons long forgot. I've found many new favorites this way.

And so, when my husband rants that I have a problem, that buying new books when I've some at home I haven't read is insane, that I'm already in the middle of three and can't possible be that ADD, I smile and know he's never had the pleasure of reading something that's been tickling the edges of his awareness for years and finding it to be beyond all of his hopes and imaginings. (He may, however, have a point about the run-on sentences.)

4 AM

Four in the morning is a very dark and lonely time to listen to the baby cry. In an attempt to reclaim the glorious days on which Katie slept from 10 to 8 with hardly a peep, I am trying out a combo of the no-cry sleep solution and the cry-it-out method. Which seems utterly ridiculous at the moment, but I'm sure it made sense at some sane hour.

What this means, is instead of a repeat of last night, which consisted of me trying at 9 to get Katie in bed, succeeding at 10, then getting up every hour to hour and a half, breastfeeding for 10 minutes, and going back to bed after depositing a not-sleeping-but-willing-to-pretend Kate Monster back in her crib. It was a long night. At 6:30 in the morning, I prodded Bobby and simply said, "Your turn." He mumbled and rolled over, so I poked him again and said, "I mean now. Baby. Crying. Get."

He brought her back to me a couple hours later and told me she demanded boobs with the quickness. I got up to face the day and began searching my books for a solution. (I'd read them while pregnant.)

So, what we're trying is this: moved her official bedtime to 8:00 from 9-10ish. She gets food at 7, bath at 7:30, then nurse (with "lovey" and lullabies) and bed (keeping "lovey" and lullabies). If she wakes up, I'm going in, cuddling her until she calms, putting her down, and leaving for 5 minutes. I got her down at about 8:45 and she slept until 11. Then, and when she woke at 12:10, 1, and 2:15, she went back to sleep fairly easily, after only 2 comfort cycles. This one? She's been up since 3:30. I think I may give in and nurse. It's still better than the nursing every hour we did before. Hopefully tomorrow will be easier.

My House of Cards

Katie did all right over the weekend, but on Tuesday she started seeming more sick. She started wheezing a bit, her fever came back, and she wasn't interested in eating. I took her to the doctor (we had to see the staff nurse) and was told she had RSV. They gave her a shot of antibiotics, a breathing treatment, and sent us to the hospital for a chest x-ray. I can't remember ever being so very worried. We took the x-ray back to the doctor and it turned out she had a touch of pneumonia as well. They drew blood, and I don't even want to think about how awful it was. We did treatments every 4 hours and went back the next day to see our doctor. She added a medication and more antibiotics and asked for us back on Friday. (Today.)

Holy. Crap.

Today was better. The doctor says she's doing better and reduced the treatments from 6 a day to 4 a day and wants us back next week. I'm exhausted.

Pediatrician Frustration

Katie's coughing a little bit and she's got a fever. It wasn't too high at first, but I called her doctor anyway and left my message. They called me a couple hours later, asked some questions, and told me to call back if her fever got over 100.5'. An hour after that, her fever was 101', so I called, left another message, and... nothing. No call back, and the office is closed now. So.. What now? It's not that high a fever, but worthy of a call. Do I give her medicine or rush her to the ER? I really dislike my pediatrician's staff. It takes too long for an answer, and they never seem to give enough information.

I gave her some tylenol, and I'm just going to see how she does. She doesn't really seem like she feels bad, though the medicine made her sleepy.

JUST a Sinus Infection

Bobby's been sick, so he's been keeping his distance. I've been struggling with mucous (lovely, huh?) for about a week, but what could I do? Last night, though, I woke up feeling sick. I threw up twice, then settled into a nerve-wracked night on the couch, positive I had the flu and the baby was going to catch it and end up in the hospital and even if she survived, we were going to end up bankrupt and lose our house.

Drama much? I went to the doctor first thing this morning and was very relieved when my flu test came back negative. She said I had a sinus infection and gave me a shot (in the ass!) of steroids and a prescription for antibiotics. Yay! Just the flu.

I hate how nervous I am about everything. It seems like any tiny little thing is just going to unravel my whole life. Is this a form of post-partum?

3 Months and already enormous!

Katie finally got to go to the doctor today. She's 3 months old and almost 13 lbs. She got 4 shots, and cried, but she calmed down more quickly than when she got the one shot by itself. She's got a bit of a fever from them, but no other reaction. A little grumpy, a little sleepy. Nothing out of the ordinary, I suppose, though it all seems extraordinary.

She's getting so big though, I'm going to have to move her from the bassinet to the crib very soon. I hope it's not too strange for her; I've gotten used to a full night's sleep!

Bobby and I are going to Sherlock Holmes this weekend and I'm really excited! Date.. afternoon. =D

Need I say more?

Bath Splashes

Let's just assume that all my posts begin with, "My baby is cuter than any other baby. Ever." Then I don't have to type it every time and feel like a dumbass. Because of course I think so.

Anyway. I just started bathing Katie, because it took forever for her umbilical stump to fall off, and I didn't want it to get wet. Tonight, I put her in the big tub with me, and she had a fantastic time kicking her legs and splashing and squealing. It was just so wonderful. I called Bobby in, and he ran for the camera. I've never seen her so animated before.