Dreaming

When I got laid off in 2009, I was taking the prereqs for nursing. Shortly following, I found out I was pregnant, and ultimately withdrew after missing too many labs. (Scent of formaldehyde and morning sickness do NOT mix well.) After Katie was born, I looked into going back, but our budget couldn’t handle the additional expenses without some drastic changes. Instead, I ended up back in the position I left in 2007, and I’m hating it as much as ever.

Bobby is ready for some drastic changes. He found something he wants to go back to school for, so he’s ready to sell his route, which requires we sell our house. He has also rediscovered how much it sucks to have a wife constantly stressed and angry about work. I try really hard not to take it all home with me, but it still taxes my resources. I have less energy/will to cook or clean and less patience for the terrible twos. Any extra little thing has me snapping at him or crying over our accounting when I can’t get something to balance. At night, when all is quiet and I can’t shove it all away, I obsess about work instead of sleeping.

So, the major changes in the L&S household. First, we’re meeting with a realtor to list our house this weekend. I’ll quit my job once it’s sold just before the start of whatever semester I can get into. Bobby will go after me. If we can get the house sold quickly enough, I might be back in school this August. Might actually be kind of nice to JUST go to school, not work full/part time as well.

I’m going for nursing, and I’m terrified about taking Anatomy again. I know I’m smart, and I know last time it was mostly pregnancy that made it so hard to keep up. (I fell asleep every time I opened my textbook, even at the kitchen table.) I’m also pretty worried that it will still be too stressful. I can handle having a lot to do, fast pace. What I CAN’T handle, is having more than double what even my company designates an acceptable workload, knowing I don’t have enough time to do everything on each of my projects, and knowing it won’t change. I miss things, and there’s nothing I can do about it. When these projects are through, I’ll only get more to replace them. And at the end of the day, what is my contribution to the world? A furnished hotel. Maybe a super posh hotel, but still just a hotel. At least I’m not doing casinos anymore.

So here’s hoping.