Day 28 - This Year in (not-so) Great Detail

This has been another very eventful year for me and for my family. Mainly, that I am part of a new family. Last year, Bobby and I were just a couple. Now we're a family. So, a snapshot of my year:

In January, I re-enrolled in school. I was giving up on getting pregnant and decided I should probably get on with forming the rest of my life. Since I didn't want to start over at the bottom of a four-year degree, I found a 2 year nursing program and started on the prereqs. I was very excited.

In February, I got fired. It was a very strange firing, as my employer's exit review indicated they were highly dissatisfied with my performance, and had been debating firing me for some time, contradictory to the raise they'd given me just a couple months prior following a very complimentary review. They also gave me two weeks pay and paid my insurance for a month. I am still very perplexed by it all, and don't quite know what happened besides my professional confidence being chopped up. About a week after that, I discovered I was pregnant.

In March, I was sick. Not ill sick, but morning (all the time) sick. I slept, I threw up, I lost weight. I worried about money and insurance. Not much else to say about all that. My friend Jen came with her baby, Janelle. It was very good to see her.

In April, I was sick some more. I was less worried about insurance, because of the government subsidy for COBRA insurance. Nausea replaced my sense. I forgot to put on deodorant, or change into a clean shirt before class. I left my purse at the grocery store or went to the store without it. I also had a sonogram and saw my baby move. I was incandescent. I turned 23 and we broke the news to the extended family that I was pregnant. There was much rejoicing.

In May, my "morning" sickness finally ceased and I stopped losing weight 16 lbs below where I'd been. My doctor wasn't worried, so I wasn't either; I was even cautiously optimistic that I might not have so much to lose after my pregnancy. I started to be able to physically tell I was pregnant, which was exciting and scary. I found out "it" was actually a "she" and the great name debate began.

In June, I started researching baby gear and thoroughly freaked myself out. I think it was the last month I actually looked for a job as well. I'd had a couple of promising interviews that completely bombed when I confessed I was pregnant. Bobby said I should just keep it to myself, but I didn't want to be working with people who felt I'd deceived them to get the job. So. No job.

In July, I slept a lot during the day and not so much at night. It was just starting to get uncomfortable. I saw my belly move for the first time, and, rather than think it was creepy/freaky (the way I did BEFORE I got pregnant) I thought it was the coolest thing ever. I was also steadily gaining weight again, about 1-2 lbs every 2 weeks.

In August, I went to Louisiana to meet Bobby's family at my baby shower. I also had another sonogram, and was surprised by how much she'd grown. It didn't seem like my stomach was all that much bigger (photos prove it was), but she'd gotten just huge.

In September, I started to get nervous about the actual delivery part. I also had a hyperventilation episode, which was very scary. We had my second (local) baby shower. I decorated the nursery. My cravings officially took over, and we (finally) chose a name. It even stuck!

I spent October in a constant state of, "Now? No? How about now?" as I waited to go into labor. I wanted it to happen already, but at the same time, I didn't. I got bronchitis and tried to read The Stand, by Steven King. Ultimately, I gave birth on the 26th. Bobby's parents stayed the last week of the month.

November is pretty hazy. Are you sure it happened? It must have. It was my baby's first month home. My first month as a mom.

December! Bobby was home more, and it was (is) glorious. I wish we could afford 2 trucks year round. We've got massive medical bills, however, and I know it just isn't possible. I'm getting better with Katie. She sleeps more, and so do I. I'm constantly in awe of her. I've applied for new insurance, but I'm still waiting on the enrollment confirmation. I had to cancel Katie's 2 month appt, delaying her first shots (damn, lol).

So. That's my year! It was pretty much completely consumed by Katie.

But they were yummy!

I am home from the doctor, and there is no indication that my pregnant self is going into labor any time soon. (Besides the fact that there's a being inside me who must eventually exit.) Oh, well. All else fails, I'll be induced on Tuesday. I'm ready. So ready. Just let me go already!

And, in case I ever get pregnant again, I should keep in mind that eating gingersnaps when I have heartburn is a baaaad idea.

39 Weeks

I'm ready! Let's go! Come on! (If only it worked that way.) I realize my pregnancy has been extremely "easy," but still. I'm so over it. I've got tums stashed near all my hangouts in the house, I sleep in late, then take marathon naps, and I haven't felt properly hydrated since January. Mostly, it's the lack of energy that gets to me. How do women work through this? I always intended to work 'til I went into labor, but I just don't see how it's done. Especially for women that haven't had such a smooth ride as I have. Maybe if I'd been working the whole time, I'd feel differently. Maybe I should feel lucky I got laid off when I did. Impossible to say, but what else do I have to do but think about these things? (Hah, plenty, but fat chance.)

Bobby makes me laugh. Twenty minutes after complaining about how many books we have and labelling me a "book hoarder," Bobby called to ask me to find a purchase a book he heard about on the radio. 'Sup, irony. Meet my husband. In all truth, though, I do have an awful lot of books. I really hope I can get my kid addicted to reading too.

Tick.. Tick... Tick....

I went to the doctor again today, and she assured me I would not be having a 13 lb baby to rival my Aunt Freyja's. Yay. I am, however, starting to get very nervous about delivering even a significantly smaller child. I know I've been aware of what's going to happen for quite a while now, but I'm looking at my enormous belly wondering exactly HOW that's going to work. Also, there's no set order for how this happens. There's no one thing I'm waiting for that is going to be like, ping! You're in labor! It's making me very anxious to be waiting for something to happen and not know what. And for some reason, a lot of people seem to think I'll go early, so I'm afraid this unknown something might happen at anytime. On the other hand, I am officially full-term, so my baby could be born and not require additional life support at this point. Which is a little comforting.

Procrastination

Getting ever closer to my due date, and it seems to be making me lazy. Or I was lazy already, and now I just have a ready excuse. It's probably the latter, but I've nicely justified it to myself by saying I have to slack before a tiny dictator arrives. =D Total sense, right? This week I have to clean however, so I'm procrastinating with Gilmore Girls and blog posting.

Bobby called me slightly panicked this morning: he thought his parents were going to be here at the same time. My mom's baby shower is this weekend, so they were both invited, but my mother in law seems to be boycotting group visitation. We already told Bobby's dad he could have the bed in the nursery. His mom emailed yesterday to confirm it was okay for her to come October 2, and Bobby told her she could have the bed. Then, this morning, he realized that the baby shower is this weekend, and, for some reason, thought it was also October 2. So yeah, obviously, he was a little concerned about having promised the same bed to each parent and accompanying spouse for the same weekend.

So, about that. I kind of thought my mother in law would have taken an interest in one of the baby showers. She's sent a couple emails about the baby. When we first told her, she sent an announcement to her mailing list and forwarded the well wishes she got back. She sent us some pictures of Halloween costumes ideas for next year. I'm not sure if she's making token outreaches because she feels obligated or if she wants to be more involved and isn't sure how to go about it. It is, however, terribly difficult to make delicate inquiries into Ann's thought processes. She reads into things. So, uh, yeah. Not sure what to do there. Then again, I thought it would have been easy enough to attend a party with 30 other people, half of whom she was related to. Now I'm wondering if she would've come to the wedding if Bobby and I had done that whole thing. No reason to dwell though, right?

Gilmore Girls is so awesome. I feel like a dork, kind of, watching tv on my computer by myself. I just love the sarcasm. And I love that Alexis Bledel has hips. It makes me wonder about how to build a relationship like theirs (and mine with my mom) with my daughter without being a single mom. Or, more simply put, it makes me hope extremely hard that she likes me. Not that I wasn't hoping that anyway. I think I'm safe for about a decade though, yeah?

I'm glad she's not a boy. I'll have a much easier time giving the sex talk to a girl. Get some practice in, then have it with the boy we're hopefully going to have next. I might be a little ahead of myself here. I also read a book about how to deal with the colic I don't know she'll develop. Granted, I thought it was about forming good sleeping habits when I bought it. Then once I realized it wasn't, I figured the knowledge couldn't hurt and read it anyway. I still want a book on the sleeping thing. If there's a way to help a baby sleep, I want to know about it. You know, short of head injuries and spiked bottles.

You're getting very sleepy..

It's getting harder and harder to sleep (and drive. and reach the keyboard. and eat. etc ad nauseum). I do okay napping during the day, but I just can't get comfortable at night. I finally figured out the strange rhythmic sensation down low is hiccups. As soon as the thought occurred to me, I couldn't believe I hadn't figured it out before. It seemed so obvious! I can't figure out what's up though. (Literally, up.) My doctor says the baby's head is low, which is why I feel the hiccups right by my kidney. But there's something rounded that she sticks up right between my rips. I always assumed it was her head, since it's so hard and round. Maybe her butt? I don't know, but I sure wish she'd cut it out; it's very uncomfortable.

I think we've picked a name! The first one wasn't even on any of our original lists, but Bobby decided Evelyn was too old lady and didn't like any of the alternatives we came up with. Finally, he told me he'd be okay with Kate or Katie as a nickname for Katherine. We talked and talked about it before he came to that conclusion, but it's definitely a relief. I was afraid we'd be bickering about it in the labor & delivery room. So, the spawn might be known as Katherine (Katie) Inara in the future. My mom dislikes Inara, but I don't care.

Cravings

I've definitely started craving sweet things. Last night I dragged Bobby (and he brought the camera) to the store for dessert. We got chocolate bavarian cream pie, bananas, banana pudding ice cream, chocolate syrup, apple pie, and whipped cream. And then I put some of each on a plate, and we ate it. I'm going to go into a diabetic coma, I'm sure. Bobby's trying to act like a martyr to my pregnant cause, but he enjoyed it as much as I did.

I think I've finally figured out what I want to do with my nursery. I've been drawing a blank for months, but I posted a link to a song about ducks (Sinister Ducks!) on Facebook the other day, and my grandma wanted to know if that was my theme. I thought about it a second, and said, "My nursery theme is.. umm, icebergs." And it is. Kind of. I've found penguins for the walls, and everything is white and blue (or maybe green..). So it's not the most conventional of nursery themes, but I'm not the most conventional of moms, either.

Baby Shower

This weekend Bobby and I went to Louisiana for a baby shower with his family. Because of the way we got married, and his self-imposed exile when I met him, I'd never met the majority of his family. I was very pleasantly surprised by how warm and welcoming and similar to my own boisterous clan they were. Bobby was surprised, too. In the car on the way home he said that maybe it was just everything in his head and heart as a teenager and they all just were too much in his business. That they didn't mean to push him away by trying to push and pull him in one direction or another and that he's sorry to have lost time with them. (I'm paraphrasing a bit..) It made me happy that he feels like he can enjoy time with them again.

I've always felt like my family is very close and tries to be involved with each other. We're very spread out (from California to Idaho, Connecticut to India), but when I was younger, my great-grandparents would put out a newsletter every month and include letters from anyone who'd sent one in that month. So even though it might be years and years between our visits, we'd still get the major milestones, as well as the day-to-day minutiae that makes up the little (important!) details of our lives. Since my great-grandmother died, that's stopped, but now we have facebook (hah!) and a surprising number of us are on and active on there sharing the bits and pieces. Bobby has convinced his parents to get accounts, and slowly more and more of his family are joining and posting their bits and pieces, though admittedly some have an easier time navigating than others. (True for my relatives as well.) And it's so wonderful to see him linking more closely with them. They add me, too, so I'm having a good time getting to know them by increments and seeing pictures and things. For the most part, I'd only seen Bobby's baby pictures (his mom had seven albums and they only go to about age 4), so it's really cool seeing everyone all grown up. It definitely helped me keep things straight once I started being introduced to everyone at the shower.

So, with that enormous side tangent explored, the shower! It was at Bobby's stepsister's (Sara) house and it seemed like we were the last to arrive, even though we were right on time. It took me half an hour to make it out of the entry way, I swear. Bobby got tugged off in another direction pretty immediately, so I had a few minutes of feeling very much adrift, but I did all right. I eventually found a stool to sit on and I stuck there most the night and let people come to me. It's pretty blurry, but I know I smiled and laughed and said hello many times over. I talked to cousins and aunts and grandparents and people I had no idea who they were, and it was a lot of fun. Afterward, I started putting it all together. "So which aunt was loud with really dark eyes?" But in the moment, I pretty much just let it go since I wouldn't get it straight and had a good time.

I did have a single moment of mortification. The stool I'd chosen was right against the wall beside a sliding glass door. I didn't notice anything ON the wall until I'd bumped something with my head and it fell and shattered under my chair. Everyone went utterly silent. 30+ people talking and laughing and then all falling quiet at once to look at you is awful. They blamed Bobby, so I had to say something. Sara's husband said it'd already been broken and glued back together, but I still feel really, really bad. Ugh. >.< I hate being clumsy.

I was just about comfortable enough to get a plate of food when someone came to grab us to go open presents. They put us on two chairs in front of everybody next to a veritable mountain of gifts. Bobby whispered, "Ugh, you know how I love to be the center of attention," in my ear, and I gave him a look that meant I would find a way to incinerate him if he tried to leave me. I'm still overwhelmed by how generous everyone was. Pretty much everything off my registry was there, even the items I put in because I knew I needed them, but didn't expect anyone to buy because they were too expensive. And, of course, there was a lot of Ohh and Aww going around. I laughed when I looked up to see all the guys hovering around and looking bored, and was happy when conversations started springing up again instead of everyone just focusing on me. I might post pictures of my favorite things later, but I need to charge the camera battery.

Once we were done, things started breaking up, and we spent an hour or so taking group photos and hugging and saying thank you and goodbye to everyone before helping clean up. We loaded all of the gifts into my mom's car. One of Bobby's aunt brought us clothes her 7 month old doesn't fit anymore and it's lucky the people who purchased larger items got them online and opted to have them shipped to us, because my car and my mom's were full for the drive back to Dallas.

Getting all the baby stuff has really made everything seem a lot more immediate. Only 2 months until my due date now; eep! It took me a long time to fall asleep after the shower, because I couldn't stop thinking about how inevitable the life altering event is now. I chose this, of course, but that doesn't make the looming of the future less intimidating. The bottles are the worst. I think because I've actually used them before? (Not these exact ones, of course, but I've fed babies.) The clothes were more abstract as I was collecting bits and pieces, but the bottles... It's my responsibility to make sure they're full, if that makes sense. I have to know what to do with them and it made everything else look all different, too. Suddenly the clothes were outfits I'd put on and take off a child. Laundry I have to learn to keep up with. Diaper rash ointment I'll apply to a little bottom. Nail clippers I'll wield with dread and necessity. A rattle I'll shake, praying it's the magic no-more-tears solution. It's all very weighty.

I really am excited, though. Just so we're clear. I am not on the edge of a breakdown, I just had a couple minutes of "OMG, what have I done?"

We got home last night about 7 and called my mom so she could empty her trunk. I went through the boxes of hand-me-downs. It's mostly 0-3 stuff and I told Bobby last night that even if those were all the clothes we had, there's no way ours would be able to wear all of them. I sorted them all by size, but I think I'm going to go through again and just pull out the stuff I really like or that looks like it will be really good for winter wear. I'll put the rest aside to return later. There's just soo much. Then I went through the gifts and opened everything I was positive I wouldn't want to potentially return or exchange and sorted it all by category. (Bath, kitchen, toys, etc.) I saved putting together the stroller for very last and had to get Bobby help me collapse it the first couple times. I didn't put anything away, so my living room is a disaster of babydom. A pack-and-play, high chair, swing, and exersaucer are shipping, so I can put them together once they get here. Where am I supposed to put it all? For such tiny little beings, they sure do use a lot of stuff.

All official like

I had my second official sonogram today to check out baby growth for impending delivery (eep!). She's growing fine and is apparently 3.5 lbs. I asked the tech to check her parts again at Bobby's request. He wanted to be absolutely sure she's not a surprise he. The tech seems very positive. I posted the new scans of the sono on my facebook, and everyone seemed very excited. I'm amazed how much bigger she is now! (It is weird thinking of her as a her; I've been trying to think of her as Evelyn, but I just can't. Maybe it's not the right name?)

We're leaving tomorrow for the baby shower in Louisiana. I am very nervous about meeting everyone, but they've all be very friendly online. I'm bringing wine for Miss Roxann and chocolate for Sara.

Breastfeeding

It seems like a lot of people make a very big deal about breastfeeding. There's lots of pamphlets and information in books and specialists to help women learn to breastfeed, and it's a little alarming. I always kind of took it for granted that breastfeeding was natural and instinctive and (dare I say?) easy. To find that it apparently isn't is a little disconcerting. I have me fingers crossed that I won't have such a difficult time as a lot of women seem to.

In doing all this reading, however, I have found that breast milk is totally amazing. It's different if you give birth prematurely than if you go full term. As the baby grows, the content evolves to meet the changing needs of the baby. If mom sweats a lot, her body assumes the baby is too and adjusts to replace salts lost, basically making gatorade milk. Isn't that just.. wow? It does so much. And that's saying nothing of the apparent health benefits (and not just for baby, for mom, too).

With all of that in mind, I feel bad for women who can't breastfeed. It must be very difficult knowing how much better it is than formula and not be able to provide in that way. I hope I am able to breastfeed my baby. I hope other women realize that while not as good, formula is still a perfectly good option and shouldn't beat themselves (or each other) up if it's not happening on the natural feeding front.

Also, my book says that my weight gain should start to taper off. I haven't completely gained back the 16 lbs I lost, so I'm beginning to feel very hopeful about how much weight I will ultimately reclaim.

I feel the baby move all the time now, which is very cool. Some days she's more active than others, but I almost always feel her moving around at night when I'd really like to go to sleep.

Sooo Tired.

I've got sooo much to do, and all I want to do is nap. >.< I even slept through the night last night; I thought I'd feel pretty peppy today. But noooo. Might have helped if I'd eaten something real for breakfast instead of cookies and milk. They were good though, hah. Maybe just a short nap? And then I'll make crappy phone calls and go to the grocery store, radio shack, and the bookstore? Meh! Do not want!

In other news, my computer decided to start restarting at strange times and giving me the blue screen way too often, so I installed Windows 7. It's working out pretty well. Easy to set up, easily networked. My only problem is that it doesn't function will with AOL. However, that's more an AOL thing, because they haven't updated it. I do have to hunt a little in the control panel, but that's to be expected. I haven't been unable to find anything yet, so that's good. It's REALLY nice having a clean machine.

Oh, and the other day I SAW my belly move. In a pretty major way. It was kind of weird, but also really neat at the same time.

Maybe some curly fries?

I'll be halfway done this Thursday. lol, because it's all exact like that and all. But really, I'm starting to feel really impatient/excited. I want to go shopping, but I'll wait until after my baby shower. Everyone seems to be really excited about that part and enthusiastic about the gifts because we didn't have a wedding. I am too, I guess, but I kinda want to get everything settled. Like, for the first day of school, I was always excited about getting all my supplies and settling them into my backpack just right. Same thing, but on a bigger scale. Not to mention, I'm supposed to be nesting or something.

I think I am going to start collecting clothes. Not much, but it's hard to resist now I know what I'm having. I have been buying random packs of diapers, so it's a little less burdensome down the road. Baby wipes too, but.. uh, Bobby stole them. lol.

I joined a meetup group thing for expectant moms of 2009, but all but 3 (of 30, including me) have already had their baby, so they changed it to just a mom group and they do playdates and park runs. =( Cool and all, but I'm missing an important accessory for the kiddie playground. Soo. Pffft on them.

I need to go to the grocery store to find something to perk up my appetite. I bought some sweet potato chips thinking they'd help, but... meh. The best thing I've found for mid day snacking that I actually want is lil smokies and BBQ sauce. I'll eat about 5 and feel good about things. I was eating a lot of apples, but they got old. I need a new go-to fruit! Bananas maybe? Meh. I ate half a can of pineapples for breakfast, but only because I HAD to eat something. I've been doing pretty well about just eating cereal when I get up whether I want it or not, but I'm out of milk. Otherwise I probably wouldn't bother going to the store. Maybe stuff for sandwiches? I like tuna, but I'm not really supposed to eat much of it, so maybe if I got chicken. Canned chicken even! It tastes like tuna. lol. And I really like bread right now. How about some spreadable butter and french bread? God, I'd gain 50 lbs over the pregnancy. A little probably wouldn't hurt though. Maybe just to get my appetite going?

Speaking of which, I thought I was starting to gain some weight back, but I got on the scale this morning and I've lost half of what I'd gained over the past month. Not a bad thing; I've plenty of reserve to burn, but I'm a little afraid I'll balloon or something in the last trimester. I'm definitely gaining some bulk, though it seems denser some days that others. Or closer to the surface of my skin or something. Like, some days my belly is pretty solid. Yesterday, Bobby was poking around and said he couldn't even tell where my uterus was under my squish. It's weird. =/

I suppose that's enough babbling from my decidedly one-track mind. I'm really hungry; now to find something I want to eat.

It's a girl!

I went to the doctor again today and I'm having a girl! I've also started to gain some of the weight I lost back, but it's pretty slow. I'm starting to feel flutterings in my lower abdomen which I think might be the baby, but I can't be sure. They're not big enough to feel externally, which makes Bobby sad, but I'm sure he'll be able to feel kicks soon enough. I've been craving milkshakes. Yumm.

Names: Evelyn Elizabeth, Evangeline Inara, Charlotte, Vittoria, Constantine, Zephyr

I'm going on vacation!

I'm going to San Antonio for the weekend! We're going to go on a cave tour, visit sea world, explore the river walk thingie, and get kolaches in West. Oh, how I love kolaches. It will be a lot of fun, even stopping to pee every half hour. Especially since I never get any warning, it's all OMG MUST URINATE RIGHT NOW. But that's pretty minor, all thing's considered. At least I'm down to puking a minimum of maybe once a week or so. Progress!

Sonogram next Wednesday. I'll be, like, a week and a half short of 5 months, so I really hope we'll be able to tell the sex. My belly has exploded outward. Bobby likes poking at me asking things like, "Stomach or uterus? Is that your spleen?"

I had to go shopping to get some maternity wear. I got some things that aren't too awful. Mostly non-tent items. And, wearing them, I'm definitely past the pregnant: not just fat threshold. I fear I'm not going to be able to wear my preferred pants much longer though, and I just couldn't convince myself to purchase any with scary, distended elastic tops. My freedom will soon be at an end, I know.

Since my friends all seem to be posting things like, "American Idol, barf!" I'm feeling the need to talk about it. The American Idol finale was pretty awesome. Kiss AND Queen? Duuuude. Didn't really care about the results, since I liked everyone in the top 3. And now I can return to not watching television for a few weeks. Would have been the rest of the year, but I got Bobby addicted to True Blood. (I like it too, but I'd probably just read the books and forget about the show if he didn't.) Curious to see what they do, since I think they killed the guy central to the Dallas plotline and seem to have given the maenad a much larger role.

I could really use a nap. I blame Jane Eyre.

Happy Mother's Day

It's been a surreal day for me, receiving well wishes on this holiday to celebrate motherhood. I don't feel particularly momlike, so it is weird that so many are commenting on it. Not that weird I suppose, since I am going to be a mother, but it just seems very far away still. I'm ambivalent about it, I suppose. My pregnancy guidebook says my breasts might be producing and expressing colostrum, so of course I had to feel myself up to see if they were. And they are. Weird! (Bobby agreed that it was weird.) Also, I'm starting to show. Mostly, I just look fat, but it's different than before and I know. So.. uh, I'm really pregnant, huh?

Pregnancy Wisdom

There is no meal that cannot be improved by the addition of a pickle. My lunch: an apple, glass of OJ and a pickle. omnom.

Wanted: Estrogenic Individuals with Kidcentric Interests

Okay, so I never really made friends when I moved to Texas, but I'm sure my dude friends scattered around the country are sick of hearing me babble about baby crap. I think I'm going to take some prenatal yoga once I get a little more obviously pregnant (versus fat, lol). In the meantime, hmmm? Dunno. I wanna make friends with some Octobers! I wonder if there's an LJ community for that?

In other news, I am feeling very guilty for eating all of Bobby's ice cream. However... it was really good. And everything they say about pickles is true. I'm going to go get one now. =D

It's my birthday!

In other news, I've lost 16 lbs since getting pregnant and my morning sickness is getting worse leaving the first trimester. My doctor's not too concerned about the weight loss, because I'm healthy, my blood work is normal, the baby is growing exactly as it should and very active. (I can't feel it yet, but we could see it [omg!] on the sonogram.) Bobby thinks it's just because I'm home all the time now, so I eat less and of healthier variety. I think he's right. It also makes a difference that hardly anything sounds good, so I'm eating things like 3 pickles and a V-8 for lunch. Before I'd go to lunch just to get away and eat whatever was convenient. I tried bringing my lunch for a while, which I don't mind, but when I did that, everyone would ask me every 5 minutes if I was 'back' and then act like I was being snotty when I'd say, "Not yet, but if you need something done, I can go ahead and take it." Seriously. It showed up in my exit review. Oops, sidetracked. I think my next appt is this Thursday, but I'll prolly call to be sure. I can't remember my appts to save my life, but I've managed not to miss any yet.

I am 23 today! Not that it matters much anymore, but I always get excited. yay! My mom took me to get a pedicure, a facial, and some lunch. And then we went to half-price books and I bought 10 books for 10 bucks! Yay! I got a really old edition set of the Chronicles of Narnia, numbered in the publishing order rather than chronologically the way they are now. For 98 cents each! Sweet! I also bought some trashy romance. =) Which I am now going to go read until it is time for class. Good day.

Announcement time!

We posted scans of my sonogram on facebook today. I'm 11 weeks, so that's close enough to safe for us. Everyone is really excited, especially Bobby's parents. In the sonogram, I could actually see something! It's only about 4 cm long, but it moved around a bunch. It was really squirmy and I'm really curious if she/he will be squirmy the whole time. I want to be able to feel it, but there's nothing.

Not much going on other than that. Anatomy is still kicking my ass. I'll probably have to retake it to get into the program I want.

Thoughts on Marriage

I love being married. Or, I love being married to B0bby. I don't think the married part is all that necessary, it'd be the same if we just lived together. That said, my views on marriage in general tend to be very cynical. I think people get married too quickly and for the wrong reasons. I think people should be more careful about having children. Both Bobby and I come from divorced parents. Both of our fathers are remarried and seem happy. Our mothers are chronic marriers. My mom is on marriage number 4, and it seems like it is going just as strong as ever. Bobby's mom is on number 5 or 6..? I think? That one, we'll see, it's still new. With that history, however, we're hyper aware of our relationship health. I know I think about it when we argue. I think, "How important is this? Worth taking a step down a bad path? Is there a better way to resolve it?" I don't know if Bobby's the same way, but I know he's concerned about the quantity of sex decreasing after the baby's arrival. (In all truth, so am I.) I do believe that the quality of a couple's sex life is an indicator of the health of their marriage. So, we make an effort.

Wow, wild tangent I didn't intend at all. Anyway, my little sister is getting married in September. I am decidedly opposed. She'll be fresh out of high school. She's not quite 18. She still lives at home (with her boyfriend, yes, but AT HOME). I've been trying to decide how big a hypocrite I am for feeling like this, but I still wish I were close enough to her to be comfortable talking her out of it. I hope they decide to wait. She asked me to be maid of honor, but I don't think I'll be able to travel so close to my due date. (To say nothing of finances.) But... ugh.

I've completely lost my appetite and 10 lbs. I miss the first, not so much the second (not that I see a difference.) Ugh. I'm really looking forward to the morning sickness part being over. I am a little afraid I'll end up being one of the ones to stay sick the whole time. I think my mom did.