Bobby's been sick, so he's been keeping his distance. I've been struggling with mucous (lovely, huh?) for about a week, but what could I do? Last night, though, I woke up feeling sick. I threw up twice, then settled into a nerve-wracked night on the couch, positive I had the flu and the baby was going to catch it and end up in the hospital and even if she survived, we were going to end up bankrupt and lose our house.
Drama much? I went to the doctor first thing this morning and was very relieved when my flu test came back negative. She said I had a sinus infection and gave me a shot (in the ass!) of steroids and a prescription for antibiotics. Yay! Just the flu.
I hate how nervous I am about everything. It seems like any tiny little thing is just going to unravel my whole life. Is this a form of post-partum?
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Monday, December 28, 2009
Day 28 - This Year in (not-so) Great Detail
This has been another very eventful year for me and for my family. Mainly, that I am part of a new family. Last year, Bobby and I were just a couple. Now we're a family. So, a snapshot of my year:
In January, I re-enrolled in school. I was giving up on getting pregnant and decided I should probably get on with forming the rest of my life. Since I didn't want to start over at the bottom of a four-year degree, I found a 2 year nursing program and started on the prereqs. I was very excited.
In February, I got fired. It was a very strange firing, as my employer's exit review indicated they were highly dissatisfied with my performance, and had been debating firing me for some time, contradictory to the raise they'd given me just a couple months prior following a very complimentary review. They also gave me two weeks pay and paid my insurance for a month. I am still very perplexed by it all, and don't quite know what happened besides my professional confidence being chopped up. About a week after that, I discovered I was pregnant.
In March, I was sick. Not ill sick, but morning (all the time) sick. I slept, I threw up, I lost weight. I worried about money and insurance. Not much else to say about all that. My friend Jen came with her baby, Janelle. It was very good to see her.
In April, I was sick some more. I was less worried about insurance, because of the government subsidy for COBRA insurance. Nausea replaced my sense. I forgot to put on deodorant, or change into a clean shirt before class. I left my purse at the grocery store or went to the store without it. I also had a sonogram and saw my baby move. I was incandescent. I turned 23 and we broke the news to the extended family that I was pregnant. There was much rejoicing.
In May, my "morning" sickness finally ceased and I stopped losing weight 16 lbs below where I'd been. My doctor wasn't worried, so I wasn't either; I was even cautiously optimistic that I might not have so much to lose after my pregnancy. I started to be able to physically tell I was pregnant, which was exciting and scary. I found out "it" was actually a "she" and the great name debate began.
In June, I started researching baby gear and thoroughly freaked myself out. I think it was the last month I actually looked for a job as well. I'd had a couple of promising interviews that completely bombed when I confessed I was pregnant. Bobby said I should just keep it to myself, but I didn't want to be working with people who felt I'd deceived them to get the job. So. No job.
In July, I slept a lot during the day and not so much at night. It was just starting to get uncomfortable. I saw my belly move for the first time, and, rather than think it was creepy/freaky (the way I did BEFORE I got pregnant) I thought it was the coolest thing ever. I was also steadily gaining weight again, about 1-2 lbs every 2 weeks.
In August, I went to Louisiana to meet Bobby's family at my baby shower. I also had another sonogram, and was surprised by how much she'd grown. It didn't seem like my stomach was all that much bigger (photos prove it was), but she'd gotten just huge.
In September, I started to get nervous about the actual delivery part. I also had a hyperventilation episode, which was very scary. We had my second (local) baby shower. I decorated the nursery. My cravings officially took over, and we (finally) chose a name. It even stuck!
I spent October in a constant state of, "Now? No? How about now?" as I waited to go into labor. I wanted it to happen already, but at the same time, I didn't. I got bronchitis and tried to read The Stand, by Steven King. Ultimately, I gave birth on the 26th. Bobby's parents stayed the last week of the month.
November is pretty hazy. Are you sure it happened? It must have. It was my baby's first month home. My first month as a mom.
December! Bobby was home more, and it was (is) glorious. I wish we could afford 2 trucks year round. We've got massive medical bills, however, and I know it just isn't possible. I'm getting better with Katie. She sleeps more, and so do I. I'm constantly in awe of her. I've applied for new insurance, but I'm still waiting on the enrollment confirmation. I had to cancel Katie's 2 month appt, delaying her first shots (damn, lol).
So. That's my year! It was pretty much completely consumed by Katie.
In January, I re-enrolled in school. I was giving up on getting pregnant and decided I should probably get on with forming the rest of my life. Since I didn't want to start over at the bottom of a four-year degree, I found a 2 year nursing program and started on the prereqs. I was very excited.
In February, I got fired. It was a very strange firing, as my employer's exit review indicated they were highly dissatisfied with my performance, and had been debating firing me for some time, contradictory to the raise they'd given me just a couple months prior following a very complimentary review. They also gave me two weeks pay and paid my insurance for a month. I am still very perplexed by it all, and don't quite know what happened besides my professional confidence being chopped up. About a week after that, I discovered I was pregnant.
In March, I was sick. Not ill sick, but morning (all the time) sick. I slept, I threw up, I lost weight. I worried about money and insurance. Not much else to say about all that. My friend Jen came with her baby, Janelle. It was very good to see her.
In April, I was sick some more. I was less worried about insurance, because of the government subsidy for COBRA insurance. Nausea replaced my sense. I forgot to put on deodorant, or change into a clean shirt before class. I left my purse at the grocery store or went to the store without it. I also had a sonogram and saw my baby move. I was incandescent. I turned 23 and we broke the news to the extended family that I was pregnant. There was much rejoicing.
In May, my "morning" sickness finally ceased and I stopped losing weight 16 lbs below where I'd been. My doctor wasn't worried, so I wasn't either; I was even cautiously optimistic that I might not have so much to lose after my pregnancy. I started to be able to physically tell I was pregnant, which was exciting and scary. I found out "it" was actually a "she" and the great name debate began.
In June, I started researching baby gear and thoroughly freaked myself out. I think it was the last month I actually looked for a job as well. I'd had a couple of promising interviews that completely bombed when I confessed I was pregnant. Bobby said I should just keep it to myself, but I didn't want to be working with people who felt I'd deceived them to get the job. So. No job.
In July, I slept a lot during the day and not so much at night. It was just starting to get uncomfortable. I saw my belly move for the first time, and, rather than think it was creepy/freaky (the way I did BEFORE I got pregnant) I thought it was the coolest thing ever. I was also steadily gaining weight again, about 1-2 lbs every 2 weeks.
In August, I went to Louisiana to meet Bobby's family at my baby shower. I also had another sonogram, and was surprised by how much she'd grown. It didn't seem like my stomach was all that much bigger (photos prove it was), but she'd gotten just huge.
In September, I started to get nervous about the actual delivery part. I also had a hyperventilation episode, which was very scary. We had my second (local) baby shower. I decorated the nursery. My cravings officially took over, and we (finally) chose a name. It even stuck!
I spent October in a constant state of, "Now? No? How about now?" as I waited to go into labor. I wanted it to happen already, but at the same time, I didn't. I got bronchitis and tried to read The Stand, by Steven King. Ultimately, I gave birth on the 26th. Bobby's parents stayed the last week of the month.
November is pretty hazy. Are you sure it happened? It must have. It was my baby's first month home. My first month as a mom.
December! Bobby was home more, and it was (is) glorious. I wish we could afford 2 trucks year round. We've got massive medical bills, however, and I know it just isn't possible. I'm getting better with Katie. She sleeps more, and so do I. I'm constantly in awe of her. I've applied for new insurance, but I'm still waiting on the enrollment confirmation. I had to cancel Katie's 2 month appt, delaying her first shots (damn, lol).
So. That's my year! It was pretty much completely consumed by Katie.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Happy Mother's Day
It's been a surreal day for me, receiving well wishes on this holiday to celebrate motherhood. I don't feel particularly momlike, so it is weird that so many are commenting on it. Not that weird I suppose, since I am going to be a mother, but it just seems very far away still. I'm ambivalent about it, I suppose. My pregnancy guidebook says my breasts might be producing and expressing colostrum, so of course I had to feel myself up to see if they were. And they are. Weird! (Bobby agreed that it was weird.) Also, I'm starting to show. Mostly, I just look fat, but it's different than before and I know. So.. uh, I'm really pregnant, huh?
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Waves
Once you've decided to be an adult, there's no going back. (Though I use the word "decide" loosely.) It's stressful, and sometimes I think I was crazy to give up carefree living. Most days I realize immaturity carries its own stresses, and I think I prefer mine. Motherhood is another of those no return thresholds. I've wanted to be a mom so much over the past couple of years that I ached with it. I was horribly jealous of fertile women and had to tamp down my need to lash out at those who were pregnant. Now that it's happened, I'm incredibly nervous about the prospect. It was so unexpected after trying for so long and being assured it wouldn't happen without medical intervention. I know that's a familiar song to being singing, but that doesn't lesson my surprise.
I have been trying to decide if I want to find another job. I think it's probably for the best, but I've been so exhausted these past couple weeks. Not to mention the very unfun nausea. It could be worse; I could be puking, but I'm still not very happy. Still, it can't hurt to look. If I could find something low stress and temporary, that would be ideal. I wonder how much being pregnant will hurt my prospects.
I have been trying to decide if I want to find another job. I think it's probably for the best, but I've been so exhausted these past couple weeks. Not to mention the very unfun nausea. It could be worse; I could be puking, but I'm still not very happy. Still, it can't hurt to look. If I could find something low stress and temporary, that would be ideal. I wonder how much being pregnant will hurt my prospects.
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