Visiting

My friend from Las Vegas, Matt, came in on Thursday and stayed through yesterday. It was really nice to see him and have him here, but I have to say, keeping him entertained was exhausting! I think I caught up last night though: I slept a solid 12 hours. Sleep is good.

We explored more of the entertainment offerings of the city than we have by ourselves, so that was a lot of fun. I think I may make a point of planning occasional outings I think Bobby might enjoy, just to get us out of the house. I took Matt to Chick Fil A for lunch when he first arrived, then to the Willowbend Mall. We did some exploring (and I bought more bubble bath, squee) before heading to the grocery store for dinner fixins. We made fajitas, which made Bobby really happy.

On Friday, I'm drawing a blank. How strange! Oh, right. We went for Bento Box with my mom for lunch. The first place we went, Shogun Sushi, is a favorite of mine, but they were having construction related difficulties, so we went somewhere else. It was decent, but I don't remember the name, and Shogun Sushi is both better and closer. After that, we went to Frisco to visit the Stonebriar Mall and had fun wandering. Then to Target before I was in desperate need of a nap. I snoozed (kinda) until Bobby came home, and then we went to Studio Movie Grill to see Year One. We were all pretty unimpressed by the movie, but Matt really liked the concept (dinner and a movie, all at once) which was what we wanted. We hung out at the house for a while, then headed to the Inwood Theatre for a midnight showing of Clue in the Lovesac theatre. I'd been wanting to go for a while, so I was glad of the excuse. Matt was excited about getting to drink a Rum & Coke in the movie theatre while sitting in a lovesac armchair. The movie was good, too.

On Saturday, I slept in. We took Matt to the Ethiopian restaurant for lunch, which is our favorite to take visitors. Matt seemed to like it, and we were all super stuffed for the rest of the day. We browsed the Galleria Mall, and Bobby got a new pair of sunglasses. He's only been looking for 2 years! Afterwards, we headed home again to lounge around a bit. We'd gotten a late start, so it was already fairly late. Matt and Bobby talked music for a while, and then we collected my stepbrother and headed out to go see the Lollie Bombs, a local burlesque act. My cousin, Jessica, was in line and seated right next to us, so we got to say hi. Everyone seemed to enjoy it, even if Matt thinks Forty Deuce is better. Also, the Pocket Sandwich Theatre has really good cheescake. =D

Sunday, we all slept in, then headed to La Hacienda to get Matt some Tex Mex. I don't think he liked his food much, but he enjoyed mine! (I can't eat so much these days, so I was happy to share.) After lunch, we went south of Dallas to the Soda Gallery. It was really neat, and I'd never been to that area of town, so it was cool to see. The boys each got a chocolate soda and I had a bottle of sarsparilla. We intended to go to the Dallas World Aquarium after that, but they were closing in another 40 minutes, so we just drove around downtown instead, so Matt could see the buildings. He seemed to like it; it's very different from Vegas. After that, I was feeling pretty pooped, so we headed home. Eventually, we were hungry again, so we took Matt to one of our favorite Indian restaurants, The Claypit. We got one of our curries a little too hot, but it was still really good. Afterwards, we came home and joked around about Texas and comedians and music before heading to bed.

I woke up really early on Monday, but fell asleep again waiting for Matt to wake up. Then when I woke up again, my head was all muzzy from the extra nap and I had a really hard time getting going again. Once we got out of the house, I bought a Johnny Horton cd and tortured Matt singing along with it. =) We ate lunch at TinStar, which he seemed to like and is always one of my favorites. After that, we headed towards the airport along the "scenic route," so Matt could admire the houses. We ended up at Mockingbird Station, and I went into an office complex for an emergency pee! before we found parking and could shop. Lastly, we went to an Apple store so Matt could make fun of it? or something, then headed to the airport.

I came home, ate a pickle, and crashed on the couch for a while before playing Mario for a little while. I totally ignored the necessity of dinner. Bobby was really unhappy about having to eat canned ravioli's, but he survived. Now to get back in the swing of things! Bobby's parents are coming in two weeks, so I need to get the house spic and span.

My breasts today are really tender and leaky. They haven't been for a couple months, so hopefully it will pass. I'm looking more pregnant than ever, and Bobby (finally) felt the baby move last night. He had his face pressed against my belly and was growling at me. He felt the baby once, but then I couldn't stop laughing, so he couldn't again. I'm meeting my mom in (crap!) three minutes to go swimming, so I should probably go find my suit....... Oh no. Haha.

Pregnant Happiness Is...

Making experimental dessert and having it turn out even better than you imagined. Yummm!

(Dessert was double fudge brownies from a box with raspberry sauce I made from scratch on top.)

Getting Pregnant

My friend Elizabeth got me thinking about The Test. So far, all I've really said about the day I found out is that I freaked Bobby out when I called him hysterical at work at 7 in the morning. It's probably something I'd like to remember though, so here it is.

I can't remember exactly what tumblers fell and clicked me into thinking I was pregnant. I know I was planning to ask for a birth control prescription at my next doctor's appointment. But I seemed to go directly from "Hmm, back on the pill, or try something else," to "Oh, fuck, it's too late." And once I started thinking that I was, I started thinking about the fact that my breasts were kind of tender and that I'd been pseudo-nauseous for two weeks. I wasn't thinking about the fact that it'd been almost 2 months since I'd had my period, because it had been induced by drugs, and I'd gone nearly 18 months prior with just two incidents of spotting for a few hours.

Once it had popped into my head, it was stuck. It was about midnight, and Bobby was dead asleep. I snuck into the bathroom and peed in my test cup. (I am totally crap at peeing on sticks, so I designated a cup during the early days of trying, when I was taking a test a week.) It felt different than the 20 times I thought I might be. The last one, I knew. And while I'd watched the little pink or blue lines like a hawk for every test I took before, I couldn't watch the one I knew would be positive. And two minutes later, the test had two of the faintest, barely there pink lines ever. I flipped out about its indecisiveness, thinking it had expired or something, sitting under my sink for 3 months. I wanted to go right out to the pharmacy and get another, get another SIX, but it was late and I couldn't wake up Bobby.

I went upstairs and talked to my friend Nick for a couple hours. Mostly I said the same thing over and over, about how I'd just lost my job, Bobby's work was all hectic, what if I was, what if I wasn't. Nick is awesome about letting me babble on like that, and eventually I was exhausted enough to go to bed and stare at the wall for a while. I got up as soon as Bobby left at 6 something, brushed my hair back, and went to buy more tests.

I got two boxes, but one had a digital sample, so I had three different kinds and took one of each. I couldn't watch those develop either. I sat on the floor in front of the cabinet, watching the clock and taking deep breaths. The results were definitely more conclusive than the midnight pee stick, and I took a picture to keep the proof even though I knew without them. As I dialed Bobby's number I stared at the digital image of my three tests arranged on the bathroom counter: a blue plus sign, two pink lines, and the last just said pregnant. And staring at that picture, I was perhaps less than tactful shouting, "I'm pregnant!" shrilly into the phone before I'd even said hello. It wasn't exactly what I'd imagined on the many hopeful occasions since I'd gone off the pill.

So, that's how I managed to have a pregnancy that was a planned surprise. When it finally happened, I was so positive it wouldn't. Isn't that just the way of things, though?

Maybe some curly fries?

I'll be halfway done this Thursday. lol, because it's all exact like that and all. But really, I'm starting to feel really impatient/excited. I want to go shopping, but I'll wait until after my baby shower. Everyone seems to be really excited about that part and enthusiastic about the gifts because we didn't have a wedding. I am too, I guess, but I kinda want to get everything settled. Like, for the first day of school, I was always excited about getting all my supplies and settling them into my backpack just right. Same thing, but on a bigger scale. Not to mention, I'm supposed to be nesting or something.

I think I am going to start collecting clothes. Not much, but it's hard to resist now I know what I'm having. I have been buying random packs of diapers, so it's a little less burdensome down the road. Baby wipes too, but.. uh, Bobby stole them. lol.

I joined a meetup group thing for expectant moms of 2009, but all but 3 (of 30, including me) have already had their baby, so they changed it to just a mom group and they do playdates and park runs. =( Cool and all, but I'm missing an important accessory for the kiddie playground. Soo. Pffft on them.

I need to go to the grocery store to find something to perk up my appetite. I bought some sweet potato chips thinking they'd help, but... meh. The best thing I've found for mid day snacking that I actually want is lil smokies and BBQ sauce. I'll eat about 5 and feel good about things. I was eating a lot of apples, but they got old. I need a new go-to fruit! Bananas maybe? Meh. I ate half a can of pineapples for breakfast, but only because I HAD to eat something. I've been doing pretty well about just eating cereal when I get up whether I want it or not, but I'm out of milk. Otherwise I probably wouldn't bother going to the store. Maybe stuff for sandwiches? I like tuna, but I'm not really supposed to eat much of it, so maybe if I got chicken. Canned chicken even! It tastes like tuna. lol. And I really like bread right now. How about some spreadable butter and french bread? God, I'd gain 50 lbs over the pregnancy. A little probably wouldn't hurt though. Maybe just to get my appetite going?

Speaking of which, I thought I was starting to gain some weight back, but I got on the scale this morning and I've lost half of what I'd gained over the past month. Not a bad thing; I've plenty of reserve to burn, but I'm a little afraid I'll balloon or something in the last trimester. I'm definitely gaining some bulk, though it seems denser some days that others. Or closer to the surface of my skin or something. Like, some days my belly is pretty solid. Yesterday, Bobby was poking around and said he couldn't even tell where my uterus was under my squish. It's weird. =/

I suppose that's enough babbling from my decidedly one-track mind. I'm really hungry; now to find something I want to eat.

It's a girl!

I went to the doctor again today and I'm having a girl! I've also started to gain some of the weight I lost back, but it's pretty slow. I'm starting to feel flutterings in my lower abdomen which I think might be the baby, but I can't be sure. They're not big enough to feel externally, which makes Bobby sad, but I'm sure he'll be able to feel kicks soon enough. I've been craving milkshakes. Yumm.

Names: Evelyn Elizabeth, Evangeline Inara, Charlotte, Vittoria, Constantine, Zephyr

I'm going on vacation!

I'm going to San Antonio for the weekend! We're going to go on a cave tour, visit sea world, explore the river walk thingie, and get kolaches in West. Oh, how I love kolaches. It will be a lot of fun, even stopping to pee every half hour. Especially since I never get any warning, it's all OMG MUST URINATE RIGHT NOW. But that's pretty minor, all thing's considered. At least I'm down to puking a minimum of maybe once a week or so. Progress!

Sonogram next Wednesday. I'll be, like, a week and a half short of 5 months, so I really hope we'll be able to tell the sex. My belly has exploded outward. Bobby likes poking at me asking things like, "Stomach or uterus? Is that your spleen?"

I had to go shopping to get some maternity wear. I got some things that aren't too awful. Mostly non-tent items. And, wearing them, I'm definitely past the pregnant: not just fat threshold. I fear I'm not going to be able to wear my preferred pants much longer though, and I just couldn't convince myself to purchase any with scary, distended elastic tops. My freedom will soon be at an end, I know.

Since my friends all seem to be posting things like, "American Idol, barf!" I'm feeling the need to talk about it. The American Idol finale was pretty awesome. Kiss AND Queen? Duuuude. Didn't really care about the results, since I liked everyone in the top 3. And now I can return to not watching television for a few weeks. Would have been the rest of the year, but I got Bobby addicted to True Blood. (I like it too, but I'd probably just read the books and forget about the show if he didn't.) Curious to see what they do, since I think they killed the guy central to the Dallas plotline and seem to have given the maenad a much larger role.

I could really use a nap. I blame Jane Eyre.

Happy Mother's Day

It's been a surreal day for me, receiving well wishes on this holiday to celebrate motherhood. I don't feel particularly momlike, so it is weird that so many are commenting on it. Not that weird I suppose, since I am going to be a mother, but it just seems very far away still. I'm ambivalent about it, I suppose. My pregnancy guidebook says my breasts might be producing and expressing colostrum, so of course I had to feel myself up to see if they were. And they are. Weird! (Bobby agreed that it was weird.) Also, I'm starting to show. Mostly, I just look fat, but it's different than before and I know. So.. uh, I'm really pregnant, huh?

Hello Conservative Left..?

I hardly ever so much as acknowledge politics, but lately.. just, gah! A democratic representative from Chicago recently told an Atheist "It's dangerous for our children to even know that your philosophy exists." According to the Chicago Tribune, Davis launched into a diatribe against atheists, asserting that atheists did not have a right to present testimony to the legislature.

atheists did not have a right to present testimony WHAT? That's not okay. I can't even go into how absolutely furious that statement made me.

That's the most major of things, but now I'm reading that people want ED treatment ads banned between the hours of 6am and 10pm. Reasoning: "...sometimes, when you're watching TV with young kids, you really don't want to answer questions about erectile dysfunction." Okay, so in order to avoid awkward-to-answer questions from our children, we're now going to shelter them from topics we view as sensitive? What's so bad about sex anyway? Necessary to create those children you're shielding, and they'll be having it themselves at some point, probably more recreationally than these parents want. And they'll be doing it uneducated, because we can't answer questions about what it means when a man's penis doesn't work right. Normally, article like this, big deal. But on the accompanying poll, 79% said they agreed. Fuck. And the bill to ban them? Introduced by Democrat Jim Moran.

Lastly, I read an article about Hugh Hefner selecting an African playmate of the year. She's pretty, but the blurb is pretty dull. And then, down at the bottom, another poll:

Do you read Playboy magazine?
Yes, are you kidding me?
No, it's very degrading.

These are my only options? I don't read Playboy magazine because the models look plastic, the poses seem contrived and awkward, and the articles read like they're written by some good ole boy prick still living in the '70s. And yes, I read more than 3 pages before I made this determination. I didn't glance at the pictures and make a snap judgement. I subscribed for a whole (underwhelming) year. Fucking degrading. You know why beautiful women are objectified? Because sex is wrong and being sexy is unacceptable. Men (and some women) aren't about to give it up though, so it'll come from somewhere. I truly think better sex education (and I don't mean the fucking video they showed me in fourth grade) would result in better (and, dare I say, woman-friendly?) porn.

What the fuck happened?

Sometimes literature sneaks up on you.

I read a lot, and of wide variety. Much of it is because I enjoy getting lost in other worlds or times or lives. I read romance because it is cheap. Not just because I get them for a dollar at the used bookstore, but also because there is a minimum of commitment required in order to read them. Most can be picked up and chosen or discarded as suitable based on their cover and a glance at the back flap. They do not take horribly long to read; they are not weighty or complicated. So, by cheap, I also mean they don't require much time, focus, or thought, and are thus ideal to use as a way to relax with a couple of casual hours.

Sometimes, however, one will surprise you. I am just over 200 pages into a book called "Black Silk," written by Judith Ivory, and I am finding it to be not at all the usual sort of romance. In 200 pages, the hero and heroine have not kissed; they've scarcely had more than 3 or 4 conversations. Rather, they have had separate portraits painted, both intriguing in unique ways for this particular brand of fiction. While it seems completely typical: a jaded older male paired with a young, troubled widow, I am beginning to think that the impression is completely wrong.

Rather than a rake simultaneously lauded and ostracized by his peers, the male lead has instead been legally punished for his actions, both committed and falsely accused. He has not had a put upon "awakening" at falling in love with a fresh young miss, now needing to protect and shield her from his darker past. (This may be forthcoming, of course, but I would be surprised.) Rather, his motivations and morals (good and bad) have been quite clearly demonstrated and made entirely believable.

As for the female, she is not innocently and naively curious, easily falling into the arms of an attractive man. She, too, has been fleshed out and given life in a way that is not stereotypical of romance. She is realistically aloof, not said to be, but not. She is wary (justifiably so) and does not see the hero as such. She sees him (clearly, imo) as absurd and wasteful. Jaded and stupid, despite his clever intelligence.

It's refreshing, on the one hand. On the other, I picked up a romance to break myself out of a melancholic mood and have instead spiraled rather deeper into it as I sink further into their tale. I kind of feel I've been deceived, not received the advertised product. However, if this had been marketed as literature, how likely is it I would have picked it up? And I am certainly enjoying it as a very well-written story, which I sincerely hope has a happy ending.

Hopefully I can recapture my good mood tomorrow.

Pregnancy Wisdom

There is no meal that cannot be improved by the addition of a pickle. My lunch: an apple, glass of OJ and a pickle. omnom.

Wanted: Estrogenic Individuals with Kidcentric Interests

Okay, so I never really made friends when I moved to Texas, but I'm sure my dude friends scattered around the country are sick of hearing me babble about baby crap. I think I'm going to take some prenatal yoga once I get a little more obviously pregnant (versus fat, lol). In the meantime, hmmm? Dunno. I wanna make friends with some Octobers! I wonder if there's an LJ community for that?

In other news, I am feeling very guilty for eating all of Bobby's ice cream. However... it was really good. And everything they say about pickles is true. I'm going to go get one now. =D

It's my birthday!

In other news, I've lost 16 lbs since getting pregnant and my morning sickness is getting worse leaving the first trimester. My doctor's not too concerned about the weight loss, because I'm healthy, my blood work is normal, the baby is growing exactly as it should and very active. (I can't feel it yet, but we could see it [omg!] on the sonogram.) Bobby thinks it's just because I'm home all the time now, so I eat less and of healthier variety. I think he's right. It also makes a difference that hardly anything sounds good, so I'm eating things like 3 pickles and a V-8 for lunch. Before I'd go to lunch just to get away and eat whatever was convenient. I tried bringing my lunch for a while, which I don't mind, but when I did that, everyone would ask me every 5 minutes if I was 'back' and then act like I was being snotty when I'd say, "Not yet, but if you need something done, I can go ahead and take it." Seriously. It showed up in my exit review. Oops, sidetracked. I think my next appt is this Thursday, but I'll prolly call to be sure. I can't remember my appts to save my life, but I've managed not to miss any yet.

I am 23 today! Not that it matters much anymore, but I always get excited. yay! My mom took me to get a pedicure, a facial, and some lunch. And then we went to half-price books and I bought 10 books for 10 bucks! Yay! I got a really old edition set of the Chronicles of Narnia, numbered in the publishing order rather than chronologically the way they are now. For 98 cents each! Sweet! I also bought some trashy romance. =) Which I am now going to go read until it is time for class. Good day.

At 2 in the morning, I thought this was hysterical.

Bobby always falls asleep before me. Sometimes just a few minutes, sometimes hours. He also snores, and over the years, I've come up with various ways to get him to stop without totally waking him up. Sometimes it's a lost cause, so I retreat to my side of the bed and possibly poke him until he rolls over.

Last night, he was being really clingy and woke up enough to hold on to me to keep me from moving away.
Me: I gotta, I swear you're half bear.
Him: Well, if I'm a bear, you're my bear hair.
Me: ... .... ..... What?
Him: I'm bald and cold without you!
Me: Your bear hair?
Him: Yeah.
Me: *totally dying laughing*
Him: ... .... ..... What?
Me: I'll tell you again in the morning.

Announcement time!

We posted scans of my sonogram on facebook today. I'm 11 weeks, so that's close enough to safe for us. Everyone is really excited, especially Bobby's parents. In the sonogram, I could actually see something! It's only about 4 cm long, but it moved around a bunch. It was really squirmy and I'm really curious if she/he will be squirmy the whole time. I want to be able to feel it, but there's nothing.

Not much going on other than that. Anatomy is still kicking my ass. I'll probably have to retake it to get into the program I want.

Thoughts on Marriage

I love being married. Or, I love being married to B0bby. I don't think the married part is all that necessary, it'd be the same if we just lived together. That said, my views on marriage in general tend to be very cynical. I think people get married too quickly and for the wrong reasons. I think people should be more careful about having children. Both Bobby and I come from divorced parents. Both of our fathers are remarried and seem happy. Our mothers are chronic marriers. My mom is on marriage number 4, and it seems like it is going just as strong as ever. Bobby's mom is on number 5 or 6..? I think? That one, we'll see, it's still new. With that history, however, we're hyper aware of our relationship health. I know I think about it when we argue. I think, "How important is this? Worth taking a step down a bad path? Is there a better way to resolve it?" I don't know if Bobby's the same way, but I know he's concerned about the quantity of sex decreasing after the baby's arrival. (In all truth, so am I.) I do believe that the quality of a couple's sex life is an indicator of the health of their marriage. So, we make an effort.

Wow, wild tangent I didn't intend at all. Anyway, my little sister is getting married in September. I am decidedly opposed. She'll be fresh out of high school. She's not quite 18. She still lives at home (with her boyfriend, yes, but AT HOME). I've been trying to decide how big a hypocrite I am for feeling like this, but I still wish I were close enough to her to be comfortable talking her out of it. I hope they decide to wait. She asked me to be maid of honor, but I don't think I'll be able to travel so close to my due date. (To say nothing of finances.) But... ugh.

I've completely lost my appetite and 10 lbs. I miss the first, not so much the second (not that I see a difference.) Ugh. I'm really looking forward to the morning sickness part being over. I am a little afraid I'll end up being one of the ones to stay sick the whole time. I think my mom did.

Insurance is the devil

I know I mentioned I might be looking for a job, but not why. I got laid off about two weeks before I found out about the pregnancy. Yeah. Cool beans, hmm? So I'm paying an assload for COBRA since as a prego chick I am UNINSURABLE. I understand the fiscal logistics of why that is, but it's still total BS that proper medical care during pregnancy is so expensive. Today I finished my paperwork to work for West, which is a call center kind of place. I'll be working from home, which is pretty badass, but I'm taking (another) 40% pay cut. $32K/year to $8/hr hurts, yeah? But it's what I wanted. I wouldn't go back to hospitality for less than $40K and I don't have the experience to support that salary. And it's not doing so well in the current economic climate either, so for now I'm just thankful I'm employed and that I can pick my hours. I'm going to be taking calls for whirlpool regarding recall, so it might even be interesting (pfft). But I can play wow in downtime! If there is any, which will be seen.

Tomorrow I have a killer test in Anatomy, so I'm leaving my training until Monday. In the meantime, I am nauseous all. the. time. but not vomiting constantly. My boobs ache, my digestion is all abnormal like, I get hot flashes, and I am constantly exhausted. Oh, and I pee constantly. I thought the pee thing was only once your uterus was big enough to pressure your bladder, but it actually starts right away because your body steps up blood production, and therefore blood filtration and production of liquid waste. So I'm peeing more than I ever have and can't stay hydrated. My skin's dry, my lips crack, and I can't brush my teeth often enough. I understand now why pregnant women have to be hospitalized to rehydrate sometimes. It's the coolest, most fascinating stuff ever, especially in conjunction with my anatomy/physiology class. But it still kind of sucks. Bobby says he thought me being pregnant would be fun, not watching me fall asleep over dinner. I think it will be once I start feeling stuff that's baby and not just stuff that's sick. And I'm really looking forward to going shopping.

Empty house

Apparently I'm supposed to avoid all unnecessary x-rays. How often does that come up? I mean, do doctors frequently recommend x-rays that they don't need? Weird.

So, Jen went home today with Janelle. I was surprised how much Bobby enjoyed interacting with her. She was a good baby, though she made me see I'll have a lot of work to do baby proofing our house. And it made me impatient to know what my baby is going to be (is?). I want to shop, dammit! Jen brought some little fabric books and bought a duckie sleeper set for him/her, so she's officially the first gift-giver!

In other news, today was the first spring rain and I've lost 6 lbs to nausea. I'm hoping I can avoid gaining too much weight - I really hope I don't break 200 lbs. Fingers crossed! Lots of studying to do, so off I go!

I have a due date!

Today was my second doctor's visit. I got to hear the heart beat for the first time, and it was incredible. My mom got me a day-by-day pregnancy journal thing with lots of information about the growth and development. Everyday I tell Bobby something new, like "the tail portion is becoming less prominent," hah. It says that today is the end of the first lunar month and I have 8 and a half to go. That seems like such a long time, but I guess it'll be here before I know it.

I've told some of my friends that I'm pregnant, and no one has said anything about my youth or anything (not that I expected them to). I kind of wonder if they've been expecting that announcement for a while. I know the girls at Project Dynamics sure expected it when I married Bobby out of the blue. =)

I'd really like to meet some other pregnant moms. Jen is coming to visit tomorrow with her daughter. I can't wait, but I have a lot to do before she gets here.

Names we like: Evelyn, Elizabeth, Nate, Lucas, Alan

Oh! My due date is October 23.

Waves

Once you've decided to be an adult, there's no going back. (Though I use the word "decide" loosely.) It's stressful, and sometimes I think I was crazy to give up carefree living. Most days I realize immaturity carries its own stresses, and I think I prefer mine. Motherhood is another of those no return thresholds. I've wanted to be a mom so much over the past couple of years that I ached with it. I was horribly jealous of fertile women and had to tamp down my need to lash out at those who were pregnant. Now that it's happened, I'm incredibly nervous about the prospect. It was so unexpected after trying for so long and being assured it wouldn't happen without medical intervention. I know that's a familiar song to being singing, but that doesn't lesson my surprise.

I have been trying to decide if I want to find another job. I think it's probably for the best, but I've been so exhausted these past couple weeks. Not to mention the very unfun nausea. It could be worse; I could be puking, but I'm still not very happy. Still, it can't hurt to look. If I could find something low stress and temporary, that would be ideal. I wonder how much being pregnant will hurt my prospects.

Love & Sarcasm

Months ago, I read an article (most likely in some upstanding publication like Cosmo) that told me sarcasm was horrible, terrible, no good, very bad, and indicative of "deeper issues" within a relationship. I laughingly related this information to my husband and he paused, looked thoughtful, then nodded. Now, he periodically reminds me of the article anytime I'm being sarcastic with him. Usually with a straight face even.

I most incessantly tease and mock the people I most love. Sometimes I cross lines, and I feel terribly guilty afterwards, but mostly those people understand I'm not serious. They also give as good as they get (or better). Unfortunately, I also tend to babble when I'm nervous, so the likelihood of something awful tumbling forth in front of people who decidedly do not understand.

The point I'm awkwardly circling here is that I do understand sarcasm is not a good way to communicate effectively with others. I just don't care. (Hah.) I grew up watching Monty Python and Black Adder with a parent who was rarely serious if she didn't need to be (and sometimes not even when it might have been helpful). In my family, sarcasm is an expression of affection. Now, I'm incubating the next generation, and I'm thinking a lot about what I do and say and what will have to change. I think no matter what else becoming a mom does to me and my life, it will still be full of love and sarcasm.