Interrupted

Katie was born yesterday. More to follow.

Other blogs

I've been spending a lot of time reading other parents' blogs, and I'm a little afraid I've started an addiction I won't be able to feed once Katie's born. Tragic.

Anyway, one of them today observed, "But at some point, we owe it to our children to point out the difference between participation and striving." He was talking about how we reward kids for trying in competitionless sports. There's no "winning," it's about playing the game. I'd never had an opinion on this topic before, but it was very interesting to think about. Now I've got a fledgling leaning on the subject, but I suppose I should reserve judgment until I've actually got a stake in the outcome.

Pardon, it was a comment on a blog that got me started. Located here: http://www.dadcentric.com/2009/06/how-you-play-the-game.html#more

Oh, and today is my due date. I'm a little achy, but no contractions. =(

But they were yummy!

I am home from the doctor, and there is no indication that my pregnant self is going into labor any time soon. (Besides the fact that there's a being inside me who must eventually exit.) Oh, well. All else fails, I'll be induced on Tuesday. I'm ready. So ready. Just let me go already!

And, in case I ever get pregnant again, I should keep in mind that eating gingersnaps when I have heartburn is a baaaad idea.

39 Weeks

I'm ready! Let's go! Come on! (If only it worked that way.) I realize my pregnancy has been extremely "easy," but still. I'm so over it. I've got tums stashed near all my hangouts in the house, I sleep in late, then take marathon naps, and I haven't felt properly hydrated since January. Mostly, it's the lack of energy that gets to me. How do women work through this? I always intended to work 'til I went into labor, but I just don't see how it's done. Especially for women that haven't had such a smooth ride as I have. Maybe if I'd been working the whole time, I'd feel differently. Maybe I should feel lucky I got laid off when I did. Impossible to say, but what else do I have to do but think about these things? (Hah, plenty, but fat chance.)

Bobby makes me laugh. Twenty minutes after complaining about how many books we have and labelling me a "book hoarder," Bobby called to ask me to find a purchase a book he heard about on the radio. 'Sup, irony. Meet my husband. In all truth, though, I do have an awful lot of books. I really hope I can get my kid addicted to reading too.

Parenting

The Mommy Files : Maurice Sendak tells parents to go to hell

I know it's a little off for me to be expressing my opinions on parenting before I've actually done any, but I'm going to express 'em anyway, dammit!

I laughed aloud reading this article. "...go home. Or wet your pants." Ahahaha. Fantastic. And that's exactly right! No one's going to be surprised that there are monsters in the movie. (At least, I hope not.) And of course, some kids are going to find it scary. Some won't. The point is, it's not up to film makers to decide if it's appropriate for your kid. Parents need to do their own screening. In the bastardized words of Neil Gaiman: Is it good for your child? Maybe. Every one of them is unique and on their own level. What's appropriate for one 6 year old might be totally crap for the next.

Or something like that. Sadly enough, I was probably the kid who would have nightmares after a slightly disturbing movie. (Coraline, for example. I haven't seen Where the Wild Things Are.)

Two more weeks!

My due date is in exactly two weeks. My doctor thinks I'll make it, so I've kind of chilled on the "OMG, I could go into labor at any moment!" front. Still in the back of my mind, of course, but two weeks is close enough. With Bobby's hellacious job situation, I decided to induce the Monday following my due date if I haven't gone already. Maybe the experience won't be as natural as I might prefer, but I'll take that over having to do it without my best friend to hold my hand. He'll have that whole week off, which will make bills squishy, but (again) not really any better options.

My appointment yesterday went well. I'm dilated 1 cm (same as last week) and the baby is about 6ish lbs. I talked to my doctor about whether or not induction would make a c-section more likely and when the optimal time for my epidural is and I'm actually feeling pretty good about my options. I'm still concerned about the episiotomy/tearing possibilities, but there's not really anything I can do about it. I suppose I should start thinking about packing a bag for the hospital before I get even more ungainly and sluggish, but I'm not a master procrastinator for nothing.

There are still a few things I need to acquire, and I haven't really finished in the baby's room, but it's really about all I can do to be awake and get some food in my tummy. I slept until 10:30 this morning, but I have been yawning ever since. Just thinking about getting some stuff around the house done makes me feel exhausted. I am feeling less sick, at least.

Insurance. Thinking about insurance makes me want to cry. If I don't hear from the guy I've been in contact with over the last couple of years, I'm going to find someone else. I have to have insurance go into effect on December 1. It has to. I am going to call United and find out what I have to do to add a kid for a month and then cancel. I've been forgetting to do it for 2 weeks, so here I go. Right. Now.

Shoot me now

I have bronchitis. I am going to bed.

P.S. Sick, pregnant women should not try to read The Stand by Stephen King for the first time. Can you say paranoid?

Tick.. Tick... Tick....

I went to the doctor again today, and she assured me I would not be having a 13 lb baby to rival my Aunt Freyja's. Yay. I am, however, starting to get very nervous about delivering even a significantly smaller child. I know I've been aware of what's going to happen for quite a while now, but I'm looking at my enormous belly wondering exactly HOW that's going to work. Also, there's no set order for how this happens. There's no one thing I'm waiting for that is going to be like, ping! You're in labor! It's making me very anxious to be waiting for something to happen and not know what. And for some reason, a lot of people seem to think I'll go early, so I'm afraid this unknown something might happen at anytime. On the other hand, I am officially full-term, so my baby could be born and not require additional life support at this point. Which is a little comforting.

Procrastination

Getting ever closer to my due date, and it seems to be making me lazy. Or I was lazy already, and now I just have a ready excuse. It's probably the latter, but I've nicely justified it to myself by saying I have to slack before a tiny dictator arrives. =D Total sense, right? This week I have to clean however, so I'm procrastinating with Gilmore Girls and blog posting.

Bobby called me slightly panicked this morning: he thought his parents were going to be here at the same time. My mom's baby shower is this weekend, so they were both invited, but my mother in law seems to be boycotting group visitation. We already told Bobby's dad he could have the bed in the nursery. His mom emailed yesterday to confirm it was okay for her to come October 2, and Bobby told her she could have the bed. Then, this morning, he realized that the baby shower is this weekend, and, for some reason, thought it was also October 2. So yeah, obviously, he was a little concerned about having promised the same bed to each parent and accompanying spouse for the same weekend.

So, about that. I kind of thought my mother in law would have taken an interest in one of the baby showers. She's sent a couple emails about the baby. When we first told her, she sent an announcement to her mailing list and forwarded the well wishes she got back. She sent us some pictures of Halloween costumes ideas for next year. I'm not sure if she's making token outreaches because she feels obligated or if she wants to be more involved and isn't sure how to go about it. It is, however, terribly difficult to make delicate inquiries into Ann's thought processes. She reads into things. So, uh, yeah. Not sure what to do there. Then again, I thought it would have been easy enough to attend a party with 30 other people, half of whom she was related to. Now I'm wondering if she would've come to the wedding if Bobby and I had done that whole thing. No reason to dwell though, right?

Gilmore Girls is so awesome. I feel like a dork, kind of, watching tv on my computer by myself. I just love the sarcasm. And I love that Alexis Bledel has hips. It makes me wonder about how to build a relationship like theirs (and mine with my mom) with my daughter without being a single mom. Or, more simply put, it makes me hope extremely hard that she likes me. Not that I wasn't hoping that anyway. I think I'm safe for about a decade though, yeah?

I'm glad she's not a boy. I'll have a much easier time giving the sex talk to a girl. Get some practice in, then have it with the boy we're hopefully going to have next. I might be a little ahead of myself here. I also read a book about how to deal with the colic I don't know she'll develop. Granted, I thought it was about forming good sleeping habits when I bought it. Then once I realized it wasn't, I figured the knowledge couldn't hurt and read it anyway. I still want a book on the sleeping thing. If there's a way to help a baby sleep, I want to know about it. You know, short of head injuries and spiked bottles.

Scary Day

Today was a very bad day. I called Bush Leasing to set up a payment plan for the property taxes they billed us for, seemingly at random. The most they would agree to was 2 months, and I really wanted 3 to be able to pay it off. The guy I spoke to was very condescending and completely unmoving. He told me they couldn't stretch it out more because they'd had problems with people bailing on paying it at all. I told him I was willing to set up a direct draw from my account and pointed out I had a perfect payment history. He asked if I thought I deserved some sort of reward for doing as required. I asked if I could have some sort of indication of how regularly we would receive this tax, since we'd already paid it once this year. He told me that they don't receive it at regular intervals and can't find out from the City when it should be processed. He said, "The city has a lot more to do than just a contractor would. I see how you wouldn't understand how difficult it'd be to get that volume of paperwork processed." I was so pissed I literally saw red.

Towards the end of the call he informed me that I was actually on a conference call with his supervisor and the account billing person and that they all agreed that what I wanted was impossible and I was being very unprofessional. Holy hell. All that fury combined with my hormonal self, and I started crying when I got off the phone. Then I started hyperventilating. I called Bobby when my chest started to hurt and I started to kind of panic. He freaked out because I couldn't get words out intelligibly and called my stepdad to see if she had a way to get in touch with my mom. He told me he was going to call an ambulance if I couldn't calm down. It was all very upsetting. What finally worked was standing in front of the open freezer and taking deep breaths. My mom called as soon as she got off work. I guess I freaked everyone out, not just myself. Fuck Bush Leasing.

Not much to say today...

But it's my three year wedding anniversary! Go us!

Questions for Elizabeth

But now you gotta answer the questions too.

1) What is your name. Or, what do you prefer to be called online. My name is Paige. I usually use Absidey or some variation of that as my online alias.
2) How old are you? 23
3) Where do you live? Dallas, TX (Well, Carrollton, really, but that's getting picky.)
4) What is your occupation? Bobby calls me a philosopher, but I guess I'm a house wife soon to be stay at home mom? As my feminist inner child wails in the background...
5) What is your relationship status? Married.
6) If you're in a relationship, give me a brief synopsis of "your story" We met during my senior year in high school ('04) and moved in together when I graduated with much drama. We immediately started acting like an old married couple, and made it official in September of '06. Bobby got laid off that December, and we relocated to TX in January/February. We are currently in the process of entrenching ourselves more firmly into boring, responsible adulthood and giggling about it most of the way.
7) What are your hobbies, outside of internet? I like to fiddle with things. My last big project was building Bobby a new computer. Next I want to try to turn our collection of old parts into an FTP server. I also like to read.
8) What are your biggest passions in life? Well, I love my husband and my kittens. I'm passionate about debate and fiction and science.
9) Do you have children? Describe. If you don't have any, would you like them? I have a worm. Seriously, all she does is wiggle and squirm. In 6 weeks-ish, she should graduate to full on spawn.
10) What is most important to you in a friendship? Honesty
11) Are you religious? No
12) What are your favorite bands? Books? Movies? I really like ... oh, drawing a blank. Books, I like things by Neil Gaiman and Robin McKinley the best, but supplement between their publications with lots of things. Movie Love: The Princess Bride, Because I Said So and comedies in general. And I still can't remember the name of the band. But I also like Vanessa Carlton. OHOH. Ludo! Yes. Them.
13) Ask me one thing you would like to know about me. Well, as soon as you get pregnant, I want to hear all about it, of course. In the meantime: how do you feel about tv/video games in kids' rooms?

Icebergs

Okay, it was just going to be antarctic nursery, but I found an adorable pictures of narwhals (and a merbunny, oddly enough) on esty.com, so now it's a POLAR nursery. I posted a bunch of photoshopped ideas on facebook for feedback, but now I don't think I'll use any of them. Still, I'm pretty excited about it all. Perhaps I'm finally nesting?

You're getting very sleepy..

It's getting harder and harder to sleep (and drive. and reach the keyboard. and eat. etc ad nauseum). I do okay napping during the day, but I just can't get comfortable at night. I finally figured out the strange rhythmic sensation down low is hiccups. As soon as the thought occurred to me, I couldn't believe I hadn't figured it out before. It seemed so obvious! I can't figure out what's up though. (Literally, up.) My doctor says the baby's head is low, which is why I feel the hiccups right by my kidney. But there's something rounded that she sticks up right between my rips. I always assumed it was her head, since it's so hard and round. Maybe her butt? I don't know, but I sure wish she'd cut it out; it's very uncomfortable.

I think we've picked a name! The first one wasn't even on any of our original lists, but Bobby decided Evelyn was too old lady and didn't like any of the alternatives we came up with. Finally, he told me he'd be okay with Kate or Katie as a nickname for Katherine. We talked and talked about it before he came to that conclusion, but it's definitely a relief. I was afraid we'd be bickering about it in the labor & delivery room. So, the spawn might be known as Katherine (Katie) Inara in the future. My mom dislikes Inara, but I don't care.

Cravings

I've definitely started craving sweet things. Last night I dragged Bobby (and he brought the camera) to the store for dessert. We got chocolate bavarian cream pie, bananas, banana pudding ice cream, chocolate syrup, apple pie, and whipped cream. And then I put some of each on a plate, and we ate it. I'm going to go into a diabetic coma, I'm sure. Bobby's trying to act like a martyr to my pregnant cause, but he enjoyed it as much as I did.

I think I've finally figured out what I want to do with my nursery. I've been drawing a blank for months, but I posted a link to a song about ducks (Sinister Ducks!) on Facebook the other day, and my grandma wanted to know if that was my theme. I thought about it a second, and said, "My nursery theme is.. umm, icebergs." And it is. Kind of. I've found penguins for the walls, and everything is white and blue (or maybe green..). So it's not the most conventional of nursery themes, but I'm not the most conventional of moms, either.

Baby Shower

This weekend Bobby and I went to Louisiana for a baby shower with his family. Because of the way we got married, and his self-imposed exile when I met him, I'd never met the majority of his family. I was very pleasantly surprised by how warm and welcoming and similar to my own boisterous clan they were. Bobby was surprised, too. In the car on the way home he said that maybe it was just everything in his head and heart as a teenager and they all just were too much in his business. That they didn't mean to push him away by trying to push and pull him in one direction or another and that he's sorry to have lost time with them. (I'm paraphrasing a bit..) It made me happy that he feels like he can enjoy time with them again.

I've always felt like my family is very close and tries to be involved with each other. We're very spread out (from California to Idaho, Connecticut to India), but when I was younger, my great-grandparents would put out a newsletter every month and include letters from anyone who'd sent one in that month. So even though it might be years and years between our visits, we'd still get the major milestones, as well as the day-to-day minutiae that makes up the little (important!) details of our lives. Since my great-grandmother died, that's stopped, but now we have facebook (hah!) and a surprising number of us are on and active on there sharing the bits and pieces. Bobby has convinced his parents to get accounts, and slowly more and more of his family are joining and posting their bits and pieces, though admittedly some have an easier time navigating than others. (True for my relatives as well.) And it's so wonderful to see him linking more closely with them. They add me, too, so I'm having a good time getting to know them by increments and seeing pictures and things. For the most part, I'd only seen Bobby's baby pictures (his mom had seven albums and they only go to about age 4), so it's really cool seeing everyone all grown up. It definitely helped me keep things straight once I started being introduced to everyone at the shower.

So, with that enormous side tangent explored, the shower! It was at Bobby's stepsister's (Sara) house and it seemed like we were the last to arrive, even though we were right on time. It took me half an hour to make it out of the entry way, I swear. Bobby got tugged off in another direction pretty immediately, so I had a few minutes of feeling very much adrift, but I did all right. I eventually found a stool to sit on and I stuck there most the night and let people come to me. It's pretty blurry, but I know I smiled and laughed and said hello many times over. I talked to cousins and aunts and grandparents and people I had no idea who they were, and it was a lot of fun. Afterward, I started putting it all together. "So which aunt was loud with really dark eyes?" But in the moment, I pretty much just let it go since I wouldn't get it straight and had a good time.

I did have a single moment of mortification. The stool I'd chosen was right against the wall beside a sliding glass door. I didn't notice anything ON the wall until I'd bumped something with my head and it fell and shattered under my chair. Everyone went utterly silent. 30+ people talking and laughing and then all falling quiet at once to look at you is awful. They blamed Bobby, so I had to say something. Sara's husband said it'd already been broken and glued back together, but I still feel really, really bad. Ugh. >.< I hate being clumsy.

I was just about comfortable enough to get a plate of food when someone came to grab us to go open presents. They put us on two chairs in front of everybody next to a veritable mountain of gifts. Bobby whispered, "Ugh, you know how I love to be the center of attention," in my ear, and I gave him a look that meant I would find a way to incinerate him if he tried to leave me. I'm still overwhelmed by how generous everyone was. Pretty much everything off my registry was there, even the items I put in because I knew I needed them, but didn't expect anyone to buy because they were too expensive. And, of course, there was a lot of Ohh and Aww going around. I laughed when I looked up to see all the guys hovering around and looking bored, and was happy when conversations started springing up again instead of everyone just focusing on me. I might post pictures of my favorite things later, but I need to charge the camera battery.

Once we were done, things started breaking up, and we spent an hour or so taking group photos and hugging and saying thank you and goodbye to everyone before helping clean up. We loaded all of the gifts into my mom's car. One of Bobby's aunt brought us clothes her 7 month old doesn't fit anymore and it's lucky the people who purchased larger items got them online and opted to have them shipped to us, because my car and my mom's were full for the drive back to Dallas.

Getting all the baby stuff has really made everything seem a lot more immediate. Only 2 months until my due date now; eep! It took me a long time to fall asleep after the shower, because I couldn't stop thinking about how inevitable the life altering event is now. I chose this, of course, but that doesn't make the looming of the future less intimidating. The bottles are the worst. I think because I've actually used them before? (Not these exact ones, of course, but I've fed babies.) The clothes were more abstract as I was collecting bits and pieces, but the bottles... It's my responsibility to make sure they're full, if that makes sense. I have to know what to do with them and it made everything else look all different, too. Suddenly the clothes were outfits I'd put on and take off a child. Laundry I have to learn to keep up with. Diaper rash ointment I'll apply to a little bottom. Nail clippers I'll wield with dread and necessity. A rattle I'll shake, praying it's the magic no-more-tears solution. It's all very weighty.

I really am excited, though. Just so we're clear. I am not on the edge of a breakdown, I just had a couple minutes of "OMG, what have I done?"

We got home last night about 7 and called my mom so she could empty her trunk. I went through the boxes of hand-me-downs. It's mostly 0-3 stuff and I told Bobby last night that even if those were all the clothes we had, there's no way ours would be able to wear all of them. I sorted them all by size, but I think I'm going to go through again and just pull out the stuff I really like or that looks like it will be really good for winter wear. I'll put the rest aside to return later. There's just soo much. Then I went through the gifts and opened everything I was positive I wouldn't want to potentially return or exchange and sorted it all by category. (Bath, kitchen, toys, etc.) I saved putting together the stroller for very last and had to get Bobby help me collapse it the first couple times. I didn't put anything away, so my living room is a disaster of babydom. A pack-and-play, high chair, swing, and exersaucer are shipping, so I can put them together once they get here. Where am I supposed to put it all? For such tiny little beings, they sure do use a lot of stuff.

All official like

I had my second official sonogram today to check out baby growth for impending delivery (eep!). She's growing fine and is apparently 3.5 lbs. I asked the tech to check her parts again at Bobby's request. He wanted to be absolutely sure she's not a surprise he. The tech seems very positive. I posted the new scans of the sono on my facebook, and everyone seemed very excited. I'm amazed how much bigger she is now! (It is weird thinking of her as a her; I've been trying to think of her as Evelyn, but I just can't. Maybe it's not the right name?)

We're leaving tomorrow for the baby shower in Louisiana. I am very nervous about meeting everyone, but they've all be very friendly online. I'm bringing wine for Miss Roxann and chocolate for Sara.

Eat better... or else?

More about breastfeeding.. I'm very one track mind these days. Apparently, if mom is lacking a nutrient in her diet, her body won't just make milk lacking that nutrient. It will make as much high quality milk as it has supplies for, and then not make more. So, I guess I have to start making sure I'm eating a balanced diet? I'm not sure I know what one looks like. I'll have to remember to ask my doctor if my prenatal vitamin can help with that.

Breastfeeding

It seems like a lot of people make a very big deal about breastfeeding. There's lots of pamphlets and information in books and specialists to help women learn to breastfeed, and it's a little alarming. I always kind of took it for granted that breastfeeding was natural and instinctive and (dare I say?) easy. To find that it apparently isn't is a little disconcerting. I have me fingers crossed that I won't have such a difficult time as a lot of women seem to.

In doing all this reading, however, I have found that breast milk is totally amazing. It's different if you give birth prematurely than if you go full term. As the baby grows, the content evolves to meet the changing needs of the baby. If mom sweats a lot, her body assumes the baby is too and adjusts to replace salts lost, basically making gatorade milk. Isn't that just.. wow? It does so much. And that's saying nothing of the apparent health benefits (and not just for baby, for mom, too).

With all of that in mind, I feel bad for women who can't breastfeed. It must be very difficult knowing how much better it is than formula and not be able to provide in that way. I hope I am able to breastfeed my baby. I hope other women realize that while not as good, formula is still a perfectly good option and shouldn't beat themselves (or each other) up if it's not happening on the natural feeding front.

Also, my book says that my weight gain should start to taper off. I haven't completely gained back the 16 lbs I lost, so I'm beginning to feel very hopeful about how much weight I will ultimately reclaim.

I feel the baby move all the time now, which is very cool. Some days she's more active than others, but I almost always feel her moving around at night when I'd really like to go to sleep.

Sooo Tired.

I've got sooo much to do, and all I want to do is nap. >.< I even slept through the night last night; I thought I'd feel pretty peppy today. But noooo. Might have helped if I'd eaten something real for breakfast instead of cookies and milk. They were good though, hah. Maybe just a short nap? And then I'll make crappy phone calls and go to the grocery store, radio shack, and the bookstore? Meh! Do not want!

In other news, my computer decided to start restarting at strange times and giving me the blue screen way too often, so I installed Windows 7. It's working out pretty well. Easy to set up, easily networked. My only problem is that it doesn't function will with AOL. However, that's more an AOL thing, because they haven't updated it. I do have to hunt a little in the control panel, but that's to be expected. I haven't been unable to find anything yet, so that's good. It's REALLY nice having a clean machine.

Oh, and the other day I SAW my belly move. In a pretty major way. It was kind of weird, but also really neat at the same time.