Bobby and I went back and forth about my going to Louisiana all day yesterday. I decided I would go, and he told me I should stay and work. When I decided to stay, he railed at me for that. Ultimately, I packed my stuff, we loaded up, and got on the road by about 6:20. I’d warned him when I got home that I was flat out of patience and had little hold on my temper, but it just seemed like he wouldn’t lay off of me. I know some (a lot) of it was me, but I just couldn’t find a way down. Katie ate her chicken for dinner, but did not want to go to sleep. Instead, she was shrieking randomly, and I got a little sharp with her, so Bobby got sharp with me.
Bobby kept saying he didn’t want to be around me if I was going to be like that the whole trip, and I really think I could have gotten myself under control with a bit of peace and quiet. Instead, I managed to make him mad enough that he turned around to go home. I tried to convince him to turn around a couple times, but he wouldn’t. I added guilt about making Bobby miss his grandmother’s funeral and tipped from insanely stressed out into full-on nervous breakdown and spent the next hour alternating crying and trying to calm down.
We had another HUGE fight about it this morning until I went over the edge and had an all-out temper tantrum, completely with screaming, throwing things, and stomping my feet. I have never felt such a crazy amount of emotional overload. It did, however, seem to help Bobby realize how crazy stressed out I feel, and we agreed we were equally at fault for his missing the funeral.
And then I cried the whole way to work.
Work is still stress factor 12, and I am just feeling exhausted. I had to fill out my annual performance self-review today, and I didn’t hold anything back about how I feel about the workload. I really don’t think it will make a difference, however, which is discouraging. I want to go home and sleep for a month, but the best I can do is probably going to bed after Katie is down for the night.
No comments:
Post a Comment