Ahh, the dreaded vendor lunch. Pizza and dressing-drenched lettuce sit in my stomach like half-set concrete, and I’m pretty sure it didn’t taste good enough to be worth it. The Sprite was pretty delicious though. Tonight is book club, and I’m going to have to be good. (No baked brie! /sob)
Our book this month was about a woman who sets out to recenter herself by hiking (most of) the Pacific Crest Trail, which runs roughly parallel to the better known Pacific Coast Highway. Two important points of distinction: the trail is for pedestrians or equestrians and it RUNS ALONG THE CREST OF THE MOUNTAIN RANGES. The endeavor is serious business. And the idea that it’s something I need to accomplish was firmly planted in my mind. Then I found these fun facts:
The Pacific Coast trail is not unique! and is actually the "intermediate" one in the Triple Crown of Hiking.
Appalachian Trail is 2,184 miles long and gets several thousand thru-hikers a year (about 450 complete)
Pacific Coast Trail is 2,663 miles long and gets about 300 thru-hikers per year (about 180 complete)
Continental Divide Trail is 3,100 miles long and gets a couple dozen per year (completers in the single digits)
Hiking the Continental Divide Trail is totally on my bucket list now. It goes through my claimed-home state, Wyoming. (I was born in Utah, but didn’t live there long at all.) And I’ve wanted to go on an extensive backpacking trip through Yellowstone ever since reading accounts of its early explorers in school. I almost feel like this is what it will take to prove I’ve accomplished my goal: to be in good enough shape to do anything I want to do.
Bobby’s comment made me chuckle: “How about you lower your sights there Sacagawea, and we hike the narrows from start to finish?” The Narrows is a 16-mile trail. (In my head, I'm thinking, "Pffft, is that all?" but I've never hiked more than 7-9 continuous miles. 3100 miles in the Rocky Mountains? Am I insane?) My picture today is me picking my way carefully through the water in The Narrows, which is the name of the river trail at the north end of Zion National Park. It can be treacherous if there’s a lot of rain up river, but it was just muddy that day.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Zombies, Prisons, and Kayaks; Oh My!
The house is on the market! It has been for a while, actually, but we weren't taking appointments. Now we are, and I'm so relieved. Yay! I really hate the instant, "S**t, did I leave any underwear on the floor?!" when I accept a same-day appointment from work, though.
Apparently being unreasonably irritated by small things is a side effect of being overly stressed. Knowing that is NOT helping me stay calm about my boss crunching through his daily bag of Doritos. The work itself is a little better, if only because the things going on now are mostly things I can't do anything about. Frustrating, but not as bad as feeling like I have 85 things to do RIGHT NOW if I want to have a job tomorrow. We're down to a mere 8 active projects from 21 as well. That's still considered an over full workload for a project management team, so before it was just insanity.
I skipped my class at the gym all week last week: for a birthday, then because I'd spent hours and hours on the floor scrubbing baseboards and tile grout, then because I'd had a beyond awful day and wanted to hide all alone in a dark room. I went on Saturday, and how I hurt! It's not bad today (good thing: I have class tonight!), but Sunday I was hobbling around like an arthritic 80 year old, and Monday was only a little better.
I've only got 11 days left before my obstacle course race. A similar race in Ft. Worth had a drowning fatality last weekend, which was a little alarming. The one I'm doing isn't on the same scale, though, so I'm not in danger of anything except looking like an idiot. Bobby is trying to talk me into doing one in Austin where zombies chase you. (www.runforyourlives.com) It sounds awesome, but I am way freaked out by zombies, and I don't think I could handle it even if I were in superb physical condition. I think an attempt could, quite literally, trigger a heart attack. I had to be removed from a haunted house when I was 9, because they thought I might have a stroke or something. (In my defense, it was in the Wyoming Territorial Prison. The place was creepy when it wasn't occupied by Halloween scare junkies.)
I bought a groupon this morning to do a 3 hour nature tour in a kayak. I mentioned it to Bobby, and he seemed really excited about it, so that made me really happy about it. I already know he'll outpace me easily. Him: works for FedEx hefting boxes around 6 days a week; Me: professional desk wimp. But it will be fun anyway. We have 6 months to use the voucher, but I'm kind of hoping I won't be too sore after class to use it this weekend (for my birthday).
When I bought the voucher, it popped up a bunch of other things. Scuba certification course! Standup paddle boarding! Zomg! The scuba one is out of my budget, but if a sailing one pops up, I'll be all over it. I learned to sail at a summer camp when I was 14 or so, and have been wishing ever since I could do it again. I really want to learn to windsurf, and Texas does have an abundance of lakes...
Current weight/pounds lost? Oh, who cares.
Apparently being unreasonably irritated by small things is a side effect of being overly stressed. Knowing that is NOT helping me stay calm about my boss crunching through his daily bag of Doritos. The work itself is a little better, if only because the things going on now are mostly things I can't do anything about. Frustrating, but not as bad as feeling like I have 85 things to do RIGHT NOW if I want to have a job tomorrow. We're down to a mere 8 active projects from 21 as well. That's still considered an over full workload for a project management team, so before it was just insanity.
I skipped my class at the gym all week last week: for a birthday, then because I'd spent hours and hours on the floor scrubbing baseboards and tile grout, then because I'd had a beyond awful day and wanted to hide all alone in a dark room. I went on Saturday, and how I hurt! It's not bad today (good thing: I have class tonight!), but Sunday I was hobbling around like an arthritic 80 year old, and Monday was only a little better.
I've only got 11 days left before my obstacle course race. A similar race in Ft. Worth had a drowning fatality last weekend, which was a little alarming. The one I'm doing isn't on the same scale, though, so I'm not in danger of anything except looking like an idiot. Bobby is trying to talk me into doing one in Austin where zombies chase you. (www.runforyourlives.com) It sounds awesome, but I am way freaked out by zombies, and I don't think I could handle it even if I were in superb physical condition. I think an attempt could, quite literally, trigger a heart attack. I had to be removed from a haunted house when I was 9, because they thought I might have a stroke or something. (In my defense, it was in the Wyoming Territorial Prison. The place was creepy when it wasn't occupied by Halloween scare junkies.)
I bought a groupon this morning to do a 3 hour nature tour in a kayak. I mentioned it to Bobby, and he seemed really excited about it, so that made me really happy about it. I already know he'll outpace me easily. Him: works for FedEx hefting boxes around 6 days a week; Me: professional desk wimp. But it will be fun anyway. We have 6 months to use the voucher, but I'm kind of hoping I won't be too sore after class to use it this weekend (for my birthday).
When I bought the voucher, it popped up a bunch of other things. Scuba certification course! Standup paddle boarding! Zomg! The scuba one is out of my budget, but if a sailing one pops up, I'll be all over it. I learned to sail at a summer camp when I was 14 or so, and have been wishing ever since I could do it again. I really want to learn to windsurf, and Texas does have an abundance of lakes...
Current weight/pounds lost? Oh, who cares.
Monday, April 9, 2012
Is this thing on?
I tried all week to make a post to no avail. The test post I made this morning worked, however, so I'm trying again. The below is from Friday. Ahh, wouldn't it be nice if today were Friday and not Monday?
We'll see if this post makes it live; lately I get an error to try again later when I try to post a blog. Very frustrating. Work is still effed. I held back several posts in the last few weeks, because they just seemed so depressed. I'm stressed, and I don't cope with it well. 'Nough said.
We signed paperwork to sell the house last Sunday, and Bobby started freaking out on Wednesday after the realtor put a for sale sign in our yard. It was listed officially today. I've taken it pretty well, all considered. There IS still a lot to do, but there's also a lot we have already done, and that feels good.
I signed up for the intermediate level of the class I've been taking, and I love it. Most of the treadmill stuff was pretty boring, now we get to use weights and machines and lie on the floor. (Oh, my aching core.)
This morning, I went to the gym for a fit test. I last did one in January 2011, and I have made a fair amount of progress since. I'm still obese, but only by 1.1 BMI points. If I've done my body composition math right, I've lost 16 lbs of body fat and gained half a pound of lean muscle. I've doubled my flexibility score, increased forearm strength, and my cardiovascular system is more efficient. If that's not a list of NSVs to be proud of, I don't know what is.
22 [19 now] days until my race! Are you excited? I'm excited.
We'll see if this post makes it live; lately I get an error to try again later when I try to post a blog. Very frustrating. Work is still effed. I held back several posts in the last few weeks, because they just seemed so depressed. I'm stressed, and I don't cope with it well. 'Nough said.
We signed paperwork to sell the house last Sunday, and Bobby started freaking out on Wednesday after the realtor put a for sale sign in our yard. It was listed officially today. I've taken it pretty well, all considered. There IS still a lot to do, but there's also a lot we have already done, and that feels good.
I signed up for the intermediate level of the class I've been taking, and I love it. Most of the treadmill stuff was pretty boring, now we get to use weights and machines and lie on the floor. (Oh, my aching core.)
This morning, I went to the gym for a fit test. I last did one in January 2011, and I have made a fair amount of progress since. I'm still obese, but only by 1.1 BMI points. If I've done my body composition math right, I've lost 16 lbs of body fat and gained half a pound of lean muscle. I've doubled my flexibility score, increased forearm strength, and my cardiovascular system is more efficient. If that's not a list of NSVs to be proud of, I don't know what is.
22 [19 now] days until my race! Are you excited? I'm excited.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Density x Volume = Mass
I took some measurements this morning because the pants I wore yesterday were literally falling off of me. The 13 lbs I’ve lost are equal to 5 inches at my waist, 7 inches under my bust (what?!!), 2 inches on each upper arm, and 2 inches around either thigh. I’ve even lost an inch off each of my forearms, which I thought were fairly lean to start off with. To say nothing about the apron. (Goodness, what an awful term. When I was pregnant, it was like a big drip of fat, permanently suspended from my baby bump.) I don’t know how to measure it, but I know it used to rest on my lap when I sat straight in my office chair and it doesn’t anymore. It might be wishful thinking, but I’m pretty sure I have more neck than I’ve seen in years. I’ve gone beyond “muscle is denser than fat” and am now defying the laws of physics. My body has totally got the wrong idea about conservation of mass. I’m going to be the first ever 170 lb, 5’2” size 4.
(Btw, I’m thrilled about being in a size 14. My height disclaimer was because some of my buddies have 12 or 14 as their end goal, and I didn’t want it to seem like I didn’t think that was good enough. It is! It’s just not enough for me. My body fat % is still in the 30s.)
Thanks for the kind words yesterday. I’m sure I’m going to redefine my stress ceiling while I try to sell this freaking house while working. I’m hiring a maid to prevent a catastrophic domestic event. (I just got the coolest comic montage in my head about a homemaking mother gone villainess.) I finished packing, emptied, and got all the repairs done on our condo in Vegas by myself in under 2 weeks while Bobby came to Texas to start working. I did it with my mother-in-law around attempting to interfere with or undo every decision I made. I know I can make it happen if I want to.
Bobby IS pretty awesome. He’s been making dinner, which is super, but also bad. He’s not terribly aware of nutrition. (Bagels are a HEALTH food! I cooked dinner, you don’t need to make vegetables! Potatoes are good for you!) On Monday, he made curry with 18g of fat per serving in the sauce alone, most of it saturated. I made myself something else quickly, and he was very upset. Last night, he shooed me out of the kitchen and tried again. He made baked salmon with lemon pepper, steamed spinach, nuked some peas, and opened a pack of precooked organic wild rice and quinoa. He plated it for me with half vegetables, and slightly more protein than carbs. He IS listening! And it was fantastic. He has come a long way from mournfully bringing me boxes of potatoes au gratin and begging me to make them for him.
He has also lost 10 lbs “by accident” while I’ve been on my diet. (His words.) He was already pretty trim, since he runs about 6-8 hours every day, so I can’t really tell a difference in his appearance. He is happy, though.
My boss is chain eating crunchy things to satisfy his cigarette cravings, and it is driving me crazy. If I never see or hear another open-mouthed Dorito crunch-smack-crunch, it will be too soon.
Bonus: One of the designers who has been especially difficult to work with is now making it very clear to everyone on the project that she’s a putz by throwing tantrums on the jobsite.
(Btw, I’m thrilled about being in a size 14. My height disclaimer was because some of my buddies have 12 or 14 as their end goal, and I didn’t want it to seem like I didn’t think that was good enough. It is! It’s just not enough for me. My body fat % is still in the 30s.)
Thanks for the kind words yesterday. I’m sure I’m going to redefine my stress ceiling while I try to sell this freaking house while working. I’m hiring a maid to prevent a catastrophic domestic event. (I just got the coolest comic montage in my head about a homemaking mother gone villainess.) I finished packing, emptied, and got all the repairs done on our condo in Vegas by myself in under 2 weeks while Bobby came to Texas to start working. I did it with my mother-in-law around attempting to interfere with or undo every decision I made. I know I can make it happen if I want to.
Bobby IS pretty awesome. He’s been making dinner, which is super, but also bad. He’s not terribly aware of nutrition. (Bagels are a HEALTH food! I cooked dinner, you don’t need to make vegetables! Potatoes are good for you!) On Monday, he made curry with 18g of fat per serving in the sauce alone, most of it saturated. I made myself something else quickly, and he was very upset. Last night, he shooed me out of the kitchen and tried again. He made baked salmon with lemon pepper, steamed spinach, nuked some peas, and opened a pack of precooked organic wild rice and quinoa. He plated it for me with half vegetables, and slightly more protein than carbs. He IS listening! And it was fantastic. He has come a long way from mournfully bringing me boxes of potatoes au gratin and begging me to make them for him.
He has also lost 10 lbs “by accident” while I’ve been on my diet. (His words.) He was already pretty trim, since he runs about 6-8 hours every day, so I can’t really tell a difference in his appearance. He is happy, though.
My boss is chain eating crunchy things to satisfy his cigarette cravings, and it is driving me crazy. If I never see or hear another open-mouthed Dorito crunch-smack-crunch, it will be too soon.
Bonus: One of the designers who has been especially difficult to work with is now making it very clear to everyone on the project that she’s a putz by throwing tantrums on the jobsite.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Dreaming
When I got laid off in 2009, I was taking the prereqs for nursing. Shortly following, I found out I was pregnant, and ultimately withdrew after missing too many labs. (Scent of formaldehyde and morning sickness do NOT mix well.) After Katie was born, I looked into going back, but our budget couldn’t handle the additional expenses without some drastic changes. Instead, I ended up back in the position I left in 2007, and I’m hating it as much as ever.
Bobby is ready for some drastic changes. He found something he wants to go back to school for, so he’s ready to sell his route, which requires we sell our house. He has also rediscovered how much it sucks to have a wife constantly stressed and angry about work. I try really hard not to take it all home with me, but it still taxes my resources. I have less energy/will to cook or clean and less patience for the terrible twos. Any extra little thing has me snapping at him or crying over our accounting when I can’t get something to balance. At night, when all is quiet and I can’t shove it all away, I obsess about work instead of sleeping.
So, the major changes in the L&S household. First, we’re meeting with a realtor to list our house this weekend. I’ll quit my job once it’s sold just before the start of whatever semester I can get into. Bobby will go after me. If we can get the house sold quickly enough, I might be back in school this August. Might actually be kind of nice to JUST go to school, not work full/part time as well.
I’m going for nursing, and I’m terrified about taking Anatomy again. I know I’m smart, and I know last time it was mostly pregnancy that made it so hard to keep up. (I fell asleep every time I opened my textbook, even at the kitchen table.) I’m also pretty worried that it will still be too stressful. I can handle having a lot to do, fast pace. What I CAN’T handle, is having more than double what even my company designates an acceptable workload, knowing I don’t have enough time to do everything on each of my projects, and knowing it won’t change. I miss things, and there’s nothing I can do about it. When these projects are through, I’ll only get more to replace them. And at the end of the day, what is my contribution to the world? A furnished hotel. Maybe a super posh hotel, but still just a hotel. At least I’m not doing casinos anymore.
So here’s hoping.
Bobby is ready for some drastic changes. He found something he wants to go back to school for, so he’s ready to sell his route, which requires we sell our house. He has also rediscovered how much it sucks to have a wife constantly stressed and angry about work. I try really hard not to take it all home with me, but it still taxes my resources. I have less energy/will to cook or clean and less patience for the terrible twos. Any extra little thing has me snapping at him or crying over our accounting when I can’t get something to balance. At night, when all is quiet and I can’t shove it all away, I obsess about work instead of sleeping.
So, the major changes in the L&S household. First, we’re meeting with a realtor to list our house this weekend. I’ll quit my job once it’s sold just before the start of whatever semester I can get into. Bobby will go after me. If we can get the house sold quickly enough, I might be back in school this August. Might actually be kind of nice to JUST go to school, not work full/part time as well.
I’m going for nursing, and I’m terrified about taking Anatomy again. I know I’m smart, and I know last time it was mostly pregnancy that made it so hard to keep up. (I fell asleep every time I opened my textbook, even at the kitchen table.) I’m also pretty worried that it will still be too stressful. I can handle having a lot to do, fast pace. What I CAN’T handle, is having more than double what even my company designates an acceptable workload, knowing I don’t have enough time to do everything on each of my projects, and knowing it won’t change. I miss things, and there’s nothing I can do about it. When these projects are through, I’ll only get more to replace them. And at the end of the day, what is my contribution to the world? A furnished hotel. Maybe a super posh hotel, but still just a hotel. At least I’m not doing casinos anymore.
So here’s hoping.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Miserable Day
Yesterday was just flat out rotten until the evening rolled around. I really did not want to go to my workout, and put it off as long as possible. Once I was there, however, I sweat and grouched and complained and pushed through, and once I was finished, I felt better. I went home to a home cooked meal that was fresh and balanced and delicious and enjoyed the rest of the night with my family.
Today, I can feel my mood trying to sink down again. (Like when my boss told his boyfriend this morning that he will be surprised if he's still here come summer.) I'm trying really hard to hold on to my cheerful morning, but mostly that means I'm chatting and joking around, not getting as much done. The work is just one disaster after another though. Every call and email is more bad news.
I'm thinking more and more about what else I could do, but I did look in other industries when I decided to return to work, but the response wasn't encouraging. I was very reluctant about coming back into hospitality procurement, because I knew how high stress it is. I even knew this company had a history of overloading personnel, because my mother worked here before the economy slumped. She quit and went to work for the state making a third of her salary and laughs when I tell her about my day. But she could afford the year off it took to find her current job. I can't.
We have plans for getting out of our house and making a move back west possible, but it's a long road there yet, and our house value just keeps sinking. Days like yesterday make me very impatient to get wherever we're going to go. Kind of like weightloss...!
In the interest of full disclosure, I ate 3 doughnuts and a Chick-Fil-A Spicy Chicken Sandwich meal yesterday. Used well over double my daily allotment of points. I know that will hurt me on the scale Monday. But I got into a size 14 skirt this morning, and it wasn't too tight to wear in public. (Started in size 18s. Remember, though, I'm short. Size 14 looks good on 5'9", but I've still got a ways to go at 5'2".) It might be slow, but I'll get there. I just need that confidence to spill over into other areas of my life now.
Today, I can feel my mood trying to sink down again. (Like when my boss told his boyfriend this morning that he will be surprised if he's still here come summer.) I'm trying really hard to hold on to my cheerful morning, but mostly that means I'm chatting and joking around, not getting as much done. The work is just one disaster after another though. Every call and email is more bad news.
I'm thinking more and more about what else I could do, but I did look in other industries when I decided to return to work, but the response wasn't encouraging. I was very reluctant about coming back into hospitality procurement, because I knew how high stress it is. I even knew this company had a history of overloading personnel, because my mother worked here before the economy slumped. She quit and went to work for the state making a third of her salary and laughs when I tell her about my day. But she could afford the year off it took to find her current job. I can't.
We have plans for getting out of our house and making a move back west possible, but it's a long road there yet, and our house value just keeps sinking. Days like yesterday make me very impatient to get wherever we're going to go. Kind of like weightloss...!
In the interest of full disclosure, I ate 3 doughnuts and a Chick-Fil-A Spicy Chicken Sandwich meal yesterday. Used well over double my daily allotment of points. I know that will hurt me on the scale Monday. But I got into a size 14 skirt this morning, and it wasn't too tight to wear in public. (Started in size 18s. Remember, though, I'm short. Size 14 looks good on 5'9", but I've still got a ways to go at 5'2".) It might be slow, but I'll get there. I just need that confidence to spill over into other areas of my life now.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Skinny and the Geek
After my resolve yesterday, I feel guilty about my scale check this morning, even though I was really happy with the number. I justified it by saying I'd just finished my TOM and had exercised self-control for the first time, so I NEEDED to see how that affected my WL. (Yeah, sure, you can quit any time, right?) Then I did a happy dance and called Bobby to tell him the good news.
I am 1 lb away from an overweight BMI. I know I can't count it unless the weigh-in on Monday agrees, but thinking about how close I am is a big boost in my motivation. The BMI change over coincides with my 10% milestone, too, and is just shy of 20 lbs lost. The wall I'm hauling my butt over in 8 weeks is looking a little shorter. I know I said yesterday that I'm more worried about what I can do than how much I weigh, but the BMI thing is a big deal to me. I was so shocked when I found out how low the obesity level is for my height and how far past it I was. (Hard to call yourself chubby when you're medically obese.)
I'm 8 days of 8 so far for my active everyday challenge. Fridays are the hardest day for me, because I co-lead a raid in the Star Wars MMO right after Katie goes to bed. (If you don't know what that is, suffice it to say that it means I am a huge geek.) I'm going to try to convince Katie she wants to let me do yoga/do yoga with me after work today. She thinks I should be able to do pushups with her sitting on my back, but hopefully Down Dog won't be so tempting.
Last night, Bobby and I pulled out the Kinect after Kate went to bed and played for almost 2 hours. (Well, he watched me play Just Dance. He gets plenty of exercise at work.) We got very competitive with the Adventure game. It has an obstacle course thing. You have to jump, duck, and dodge obstacles and try to get as many coins as possible. Some of the coins are arranged so you have to stand with one leg out at a 45 degree angle, one arm out straight, and one arm up. Jumping makes you go faster, and time left on your clock at the end gives you bonus points. I'm better at collecting coins, but Bobby is faster, and he can jump up and down through the whole thing. It got pretty intense, and it was a lot of fun.
I am 1 lb away from an overweight BMI. I know I can't count it unless the weigh-in on Monday agrees, but thinking about how close I am is a big boost in my motivation. The BMI change over coincides with my 10% milestone, too, and is just shy of 20 lbs lost. The wall I'm hauling my butt over in 8 weeks is looking a little shorter. I know I said yesterday that I'm more worried about what I can do than how much I weigh, but the BMI thing is a big deal to me. I was so shocked when I found out how low the obesity level is for my height and how far past it I was. (Hard to call yourself chubby when you're medically obese.)
I'm 8 days of 8 so far for my active everyday challenge. Fridays are the hardest day for me, because I co-lead a raid in the Star Wars MMO right after Katie goes to bed. (If you don't know what that is, suffice it to say that it means I am a huge geek.) I'm going to try to convince Katie she wants to let me do yoga/do yoga with me after work today. She thinks I should be able to do pushups with her sitting on my back, but hopefully Down Dog won't be so tempting.
Last night, Bobby and I pulled out the Kinect after Kate went to bed and played for almost 2 hours. (Well, he watched me play Just Dance. He gets plenty of exercise at work.) We got very competitive with the Adventure game. It has an obstacle course thing. You have to jump, duck, and dodge obstacles and try to get as many coins as possible. Some of the coins are arranged so you have to stand with one leg out at a 45 degree angle, one arm out straight, and one arm up. Jumping makes you go faster, and time left on your clock at the end gives you bonus points. I'm better at collecting coins, but Bobby is faster, and he can jump up and down through the whole thing. It got pretty intense, and it was a lot of fun.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
"I know it hurts; it's supposed to!"
"Breath! Breath more!"
My two favorite quotes from Tony Horton's P90X videos. They run through my head all the time, especially when my muscles are screaming about lactic acid.
As previously mentioned, I'm kicking myself into high gear to prepare for my race in < 9 weeks. So far, I've done something active every single day in March. I tried this once before and discovered that I could not do leg intensive workouts 3 days in a row and expect to improve my pace. (In fact, I think overwork was a contributing factor in how sick I ended up.) This time, I'm alternating focus and intensity. My treadmill class is all lower body most of the time, so I thought I was safe doing upper body Tuesday. Alex (our instructor) threw a curve ball at us last night and had us doing weights in intervals with the treadmill stuff, including one particularly brutal lift that had my deltoids (shoulders) screaming for mercy. I can't lift my arms all the way today. Ouch! So I don't know what I want to do tonight. Core?
My body feels pretty great though, all considered. I had a good discussion with Alex this week about goals, too, and it's making me feel better about the slooooow weight loss. My goals primarily center around things I want to DO, and if I get in good race-you-to-the-top condition, I know the shape of my body will improve, too. I'm still using the number on the scale as a barometer to measure progress, though, and it sucks to feel myself getting fitter, stronger, and still not have that number show what I feel happening. I know it's a trap: I know muscle is denser than fat, but I still weigh-in and feel my heart sink a little bit when the number stays stubborn.
With that in mind, I'm thinking about giving up the scale for this month. It's tough, because I feel SO GOOD when I do have a loss to hold in my mind and smile about. I tell myself it's a good time to reevaluate my week. Did I really eat as well as I thought I did? What could I have done better? But really, I weigh myself twice a day now, because I feel like I need to KNOW how I'm doing. I don't want to be surprised on Monday morning. I'm addicted. I'm going to have Bobby hide it.
I have stopped double checking my scale even though it gives an artificially low number the first time. It does it every time, so it is still an accurate measure of loss, if not actual weight. It tickles at my mind a little bit that it's wrong, but not it's not nearly as frustrating as weighing myself 6 or 7 times in a row to try to get an accurate read.
My two favorite quotes from Tony Horton's P90X videos. They run through my head all the time, especially when my muscles are screaming about lactic acid.
As previously mentioned, I'm kicking myself into high gear to prepare for my race in < 9 weeks. So far, I've done something active every single day in March. I tried this once before and discovered that I could not do leg intensive workouts 3 days in a row and expect to improve my pace. (In fact, I think overwork was a contributing factor in how sick I ended up.) This time, I'm alternating focus and intensity. My treadmill class is all lower body most of the time, so I thought I was safe doing upper body Tuesday. Alex (our instructor) threw a curve ball at us last night and had us doing weights in intervals with the treadmill stuff, including one particularly brutal lift that had my deltoids (shoulders) screaming for mercy. I can't lift my arms all the way today. Ouch! So I don't know what I want to do tonight. Core?
My body feels pretty great though, all considered. I had a good discussion with Alex this week about goals, too, and it's making me feel better about the slooooow weight loss. My goals primarily center around things I want to DO, and if I get in good race-you-to-the-top condition, I know the shape of my body will improve, too. I'm still using the number on the scale as a barometer to measure progress, though, and it sucks to feel myself getting fitter, stronger, and still not have that number show what I feel happening. I know it's a trap: I know muscle is denser than fat, but I still weigh-in and feel my heart sink a little bit when the number stays stubborn.
With that in mind, I'm thinking about giving up the scale for this month. It's tough, because I feel SO GOOD when I do have a loss to hold in my mind and smile about. I tell myself it's a good time to reevaluate my week. Did I really eat as well as I thought I did? What could I have done better? But really, I weigh myself twice a day now, because I feel like I need to KNOW how I'm doing. I don't want to be surprised on Monday morning. I'm addicted. I'm going to have Bobby hide it.
I have stopped double checking my scale even though it gives an artificially low number the first time. It does it every time, so it is still an accurate measure of loss, if not actual weight. It tickles at my mind a little bit that it's wrong, but not it's not nearly as frustrating as weighing myself 6 or 7 times in a row to try to get an accurate read.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Walk While Eating Funnel Cake = ?? PP
Another very busy weekend, and one I very much ignored my WW fairy. (Sunday, anyway. I was pretty good on Saturday.)
After my class at the gym on Saturday, we went up to one of our favorite ATV parks on the Red River. It was nice, if not super warm, but we had a very nice afternoon riding the trails. We were with a big group doing semi-challenging stuff, so I mostly stayed with my stepdad in his rzr. (It's a four wheeler with side-by-side bucket seats and a roll cage.) I spent a little time on Bobby's four wheeler towards the end of the day. We had a lot of fun.
Sunday, we went to the North Texas Irish Festival with some friends. Katie enjoyed another pony ride and dipping her fingers in the reflection pond. I enjoyed a bowl of shephard's pie and a funnel cake. Yummy. I skipped lots of other stuff I normally would have sampled, but I probably should have done without the funnel cake, too. I was proud of myself for passing on a "But it's free!" sandwich, because it wasn't what I wanted.
I played with my tracking spreadsheet a little. If I keep doing the same thing I've been doing for the last 16 weeks, I'll be on track to hit my first personal milestone the week I do the mud run. I need to kick my butt back on track (instead of meandering in a generally correct direction) and make some real progress in the next 7ish weeks. Anything I don't lose by then, I have to haul over a rope net obstacle and possibly a rope wall. I'd like to be down more than just another 5 lbs. I took entire week off from the gym while I was sick and completely pushed my extra training for upper body out the window, so it's time to get that together again.
On that note, I traded my Wii for an Xbox 360 and Kinect. So far, I really like the Kinect a lot more. I spent so much time with the Wii holding perfectly still or shifting slightly for its balance games, and I really didn't think that was the best use of my time for my goals. I also bought a Yoga DVD to do at home, because they changed the time of the class at the gym just enough so I can't do it after my regular class.
After my class at the gym on Saturday, we went up to one of our favorite ATV parks on the Red River. It was nice, if not super warm, but we had a very nice afternoon riding the trails. We were with a big group doing semi-challenging stuff, so I mostly stayed with my stepdad in his rzr. (It's a four wheeler with side-by-side bucket seats and a roll cage.) I spent a little time on Bobby's four wheeler towards the end of the day. We had a lot of fun.
Sunday, we went to the North Texas Irish Festival with some friends. Katie enjoyed another pony ride and dipping her fingers in the reflection pond. I enjoyed a bowl of shephard's pie and a funnel cake. Yummy. I skipped lots of other stuff I normally would have sampled, but I probably should have done without the funnel cake, too. I was proud of myself for passing on a "But it's free!" sandwich, because it wasn't what I wanted.
I played with my tracking spreadsheet a little. If I keep doing the same thing I've been doing for the last 16 weeks, I'll be on track to hit my first personal milestone the week I do the mud run. I need to kick my butt back on track (instead of meandering in a generally correct direction) and make some real progress in the next 7ish weeks. Anything I don't lose by then, I have to haul over a rope net obstacle and possibly a rope wall. I'd like to be down more than just another 5 lbs. I took entire week off from the gym while I was sick and completely pushed my extra training for upper body out the window, so it's time to get that together again.
On that note, I traded my Wii for an Xbox 360 and Kinect. So far, I really like the Kinect a lot more. I spent so much time with the Wii holding perfectly still or shifting slightly for its balance games, and I really didn't think that was the best use of my time for my goals. I also bought a Yoga DVD to do at home, because they changed the time of the class at the gym just enough so I can't do it after my regular class.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
The really-really bad and the really-really good days
So much for “hopefully last night was the worst of it” with my cold last week. I didn’t go to the gym that night or any night since, because I’ve been busy sleeping. I didn’t go to work Tuesday or Wednesday. I was feeling much better Sunday, then woke up early Monday to spend a couple hours vomiting. So that was fun. Today, I finally feel about 75% of normal, so I’m happy. I spent some time yesterday afternoon going through my email, and last week wasn’t crazy, so I’m actually all caught up for the moment. Happy!
I’m also very UNHAPPY. Since I got pregnant, any time I get any sort of sinus stuff that gets the slightest bit infectiony, I end up puking over and over for about an hour just as I’m starting to feel better. (When drainage kicks into high gear.) It’s happened 6 or 7 times in the last two years. My doctor says it’s just changing physiology, and that’s the way my body works now. She prescribed an anti-nausea quick dissolve tab that has worked okay the last couple of times. Yesterday, it just made me hang out in a miserable pre-puke limbo for a couple of hours.
Despite the awful on Monday, I felt great Sunday. The weather was beautiful, so we took Katie to the zoo with my parents. We had a very good time. Katie had a couple of highlights: she fed a giraffe and rode a pony. She had a big romaine lettuce leaf for the giraffe, but she shredded it and fed him little bits. He didn’t seem to mind. And I’ve never seen her smile so big as she did while she rode the pony. At the end of the day, we were on a deserted walkway leaving the zoo, and I ran with her stroller up the hill. Bobby said I looked really funny (my pants were falling down!), but it felt great and Katie laughed the whole way.
Then we got home, and we all fell asleep for 2 hours. Very good day.
AND we took a bunch of pictures, some of which I’m in, and I don’t hate them. The picture on today’s post isn’t the most flattering, but it’s my favorite because it takes me right back to that moment. Katie had been petting a goat, and got scared when it turned its head to look at her. Backing away, she ran into another goat and totally freaked out. I scooped her up pretty quick, and this picture perfectly captures her terror and me laughing at her.
As far as weight loss goes, February has pretty much been a long plateau, but I am FINALLY out of the 170s. 169.0 two days in a row, oh yeah. I have 5 lbs to go before I can wave bye-bye to obesity, and it feels good.
I’m also very UNHAPPY. Since I got pregnant, any time I get any sort of sinus stuff that gets the slightest bit infectiony, I end up puking over and over for about an hour just as I’m starting to feel better. (When drainage kicks into high gear.) It’s happened 6 or 7 times in the last two years. My doctor says it’s just changing physiology, and that’s the way my body works now. She prescribed an anti-nausea quick dissolve tab that has worked okay the last couple of times. Yesterday, it just made me hang out in a miserable pre-puke limbo for a couple of hours.
Despite the awful on Monday, I felt great Sunday. The weather was beautiful, so we took Katie to the zoo with my parents. We had a very good time. Katie had a couple of highlights: she fed a giraffe and rode a pony. She had a big romaine lettuce leaf for the giraffe, but she shredded it and fed him little bits. He didn’t seem to mind. And I’ve never seen her smile so big as she did while she rode the pony. At the end of the day, we were on a deserted walkway leaving the zoo, and I ran with her stroller up the hill. Bobby said I looked really funny (my pants were falling down!), but it felt great and Katie laughed the whole way.
Then we got home, and we all fell asleep for 2 hours. Very good day.
AND we took a bunch of pictures, some of which I’m in, and I don’t hate them. The picture on today’s post isn’t the most flattering, but it’s my favorite because it takes me right back to that moment. Katie had been petting a goat, and got scared when it turned its head to look at her. Backing away, she ran into another goat and totally freaked out. I scooped her up pretty quick, and this picture perfectly captures her terror and me laughing at her.
As far as weight loss goes, February has pretty much been a long plateau, but I am FINALLY out of the 170s. 169.0 two days in a row, oh yeah. I have 5 lbs to go before I can wave bye-bye to obesity, and it feels good.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Pushing On Through
After a lot of thought and a couple of days using both tracking programs, I've decided two things:
1) Sticking with it is the most important thing. Do I think I'll acheive better results in a shorter time frame if I strictly monitor fat, carbs, and protein? Yes. But the likelihood I will keep at it when I'm frustrated about inaccurate estimates and trying to count calories burned is much lower. There's a lot to be said for simplicity. And there's nothing to stop me from pushing to include more natural calorie sources in my diet with weight watchers, and there are note fields in the tracking for me to type in any info I want to track but don't have a check box for.
2) I'm "firing" the nutritionist. Because I started my treadmill class during a holiday period, I took several weeks of the class before my class officially started. We just caught up with where I started, so I won't miss much if I step out. Also, the course instructor is pre-med and has taken more physiology, nutrition, and anatomy than the nutritionist and can answer any questions I have. I asked him about the canola oil and was satisfied by his response. So for the 20-30 minutes each week we meet with her, I'm going to get a headstart on the treadmill.
In other news, lasagna, cookie cake, movie theatre popcorn, and french fries resulted in maintaining weight this week. (And helped me determine that a strict calorie source counting diet isn't for me.) Obviously my hard work at the gym did something for me. I caught a cold as well, but it actually seems to be pretty mild today. Hopefully last night was the worst of it.
NSV! On Saturday, I maintained a 2.1mph pace for one full cycle of sideways walking. Then I walked backwards for 3 minutes on an incline faster than my mother was walking forwards. My mother wasn't thrilled when I pointed out my accomplishment, but I was quite pleased. I also jogged at 4.2mph for 3 minutes while having a conversation. I might just manage not to be last in my race in April.
Thanks much to everyone who responded to my last post. You validated the things I was thinking, and reinforced why it is so important to keep at it. You're the best.
1) Sticking with it is the most important thing. Do I think I'll acheive better results in a shorter time frame if I strictly monitor fat, carbs, and protein? Yes. But the likelihood I will keep at it when I'm frustrated about inaccurate estimates and trying to count calories burned is much lower. There's a lot to be said for simplicity. And there's nothing to stop me from pushing to include more natural calorie sources in my diet with weight watchers, and there are note fields in the tracking for me to type in any info I want to track but don't have a check box for.
2) I'm "firing" the nutritionist. Because I started my treadmill class during a holiday period, I took several weeks of the class before my class officially started. We just caught up with where I started, so I won't miss much if I step out. Also, the course instructor is pre-med and has taken more physiology, nutrition, and anatomy than the nutritionist and can answer any questions I have. I asked him about the canola oil and was satisfied by his response. So for the 20-30 minutes each week we meet with her, I'm going to get a headstart on the treadmill.
In other news, lasagna, cookie cake, movie theatre popcorn, and french fries resulted in maintaining weight this week. (And helped me determine that a strict calorie source counting diet isn't for me.) Obviously my hard work at the gym did something for me. I caught a cold as well, but it actually seems to be pretty mild today. Hopefully last night was the worst of it.
NSV! On Saturday, I maintained a 2.1mph pace for one full cycle of sideways walking. Then I walked backwards for 3 minutes on an incline faster than my mother was walking forwards. My mother wasn't thrilled when I pointed out my accomplishment, but I was quite pleased. I also jogged at 4.2mph for 3 minutes while having a conversation. I might just manage not to be last in my race in April.
Thanks much to everyone who responded to my last post. You validated the things I was thinking, and reinforced why it is so important to keep at it. You're the best.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Nutrition Frustration
I've been getting very frustrated with the nutrition portion of my gym class.
For example, I cook with olive oil and canola oil, depending on the heat level. Both are supported by WW and a well-researched blog I read. Yesterday, the nutritionist told us we should be cooking with saturated fats - oils that are solid or semi-solid at room temperature, because unsaturated fats turn to trans fat when heated. Olive oil should be added at the end for flavor only and canola oil is not natural and shouldn't be used it at all.
I was perplexed, because I thought trans fats were purposefully created in a lab setting, not accidentally in my kitchen. (Googling results have so far supported my view.) As for canola oil, she asks "What's a canola?" She says if we can't identify the original source or the final product doesn't resemble it, we're not supposed to eat it. In general, I agree.
However, canola oil comes from rapeseed or field mustard and doesn't seem to be any more processed than olive oil. (If only I'd known that yesterday!) Lots of things are named something different than their source for marketing reasons. Rapeseed oil isn't terribly appealing. "I've never heard of a canola," is not enough justification to consider something unhealthy! There have been other things, and I'm so irritated. Sometimes it's like she's only done half the research, and then draws uninformed conclusions and passes it on to us as gospel.
A lot of the things she says are valid. Processed sugars, flours, etc? Foods that are stripped of their natural nutrients and then enriched with them and others in lab? Yeah, not as good as something untouched by crazy processes involving toxic chemicals (chlorine, for example) to bleach, dry, rehydrate, and preserve FOREVER. But how do I know what's valid and what's fuzzy statistics or something she's just pulling out of the air? I'm getting frustrated and discouraged. I don't know what advice to take.
At the same time, the good things I've learned make me wonder if Weight Watchers is strict enough for me to reach my goal. Like, maybe my metabolism needs help recovering. That's one of the things my nutritionist is supposed to teach us how to do, but I don't have any sources I trust to check against her advice. (I like WW, but sometimes information is hard to find or just not here.) When I was watching my carb-to-protein-to-fat ratios, I lost weight more steadily. It was harder to track, and I got lazy with it. WW is easier to stick with, but I'm afraid my health still won't be where I want it when I've lost the weight.
I think the harder path would be better if I can stick with it. Basically, it calls for 1200-1600 calories of lean meats and minimally processed carbs in equal proportions. Healthy fats account for 20% of the daily calorie intake. I think olive oil is okay for most cooking and canola for high heat. Butter is better than margarine when called for, but I don't think it's best for everyday cooking no matter what the gym chick says. She recommends 2 servings of veggies for 1serving of fruit with a combined total of 9-11 per day. I'll try for more vegetables and overall servings, but not 2:1. I'm just not sure what a reasonable cushion for indulgence moments should be.
It requires a lot more detailed tracking, so I'd use another program, but might keep WW for the blogging community. I would also need to talk Bobby into letting me get a heart rate monitor to figure out how much extra to eat to fuel my workouts. (I want one anyway, but I agreed to make it a milestone reward, which is still 16 lbs away.)
For example, I cook with olive oil and canola oil, depending on the heat level. Both are supported by WW and a well-researched blog I read. Yesterday, the nutritionist told us we should be cooking with saturated fats - oils that are solid or semi-solid at room temperature, because unsaturated fats turn to trans fat when heated. Olive oil should be added at the end for flavor only and canola oil is not natural and shouldn't be used it at all.
I was perplexed, because I thought trans fats were purposefully created in a lab setting, not accidentally in my kitchen. (Googling results have so far supported my view.) As for canola oil, she asks "What's a canola?" She says if we can't identify the original source or the final product doesn't resemble it, we're not supposed to eat it. In general, I agree.
However, canola oil comes from rapeseed or field mustard and doesn't seem to be any more processed than olive oil. (If only I'd known that yesterday!) Lots of things are named something different than their source for marketing reasons. Rapeseed oil isn't terribly appealing. "I've never heard of a canola," is not enough justification to consider something unhealthy! There have been other things, and I'm so irritated. Sometimes it's like she's only done half the research, and then draws uninformed conclusions and passes it on to us as gospel.
A lot of the things she says are valid. Processed sugars, flours, etc? Foods that are stripped of their natural nutrients and then enriched with them and others in lab? Yeah, not as good as something untouched by crazy processes involving toxic chemicals (chlorine, for example) to bleach, dry, rehydrate, and preserve FOREVER. But how do I know what's valid and what's fuzzy statistics or something she's just pulling out of the air? I'm getting frustrated and discouraged. I don't know what advice to take.
At the same time, the good things I've learned make me wonder if Weight Watchers is strict enough for me to reach my goal. Like, maybe my metabolism needs help recovering. That's one of the things my nutritionist is supposed to teach us how to do, but I don't have any sources I trust to check against her advice. (I like WW, but sometimes information is hard to find or just not here.) When I was watching my carb-to-protein-to-fat ratios, I lost weight more steadily. It was harder to track, and I got lazy with it. WW is easier to stick with, but I'm afraid my health still won't be where I want it when I've lost the weight.
I think the harder path would be better if I can stick with it. Basically, it calls for 1200-1600 calories of lean meats and minimally processed carbs in equal proportions. Healthy fats account for 20% of the daily calorie intake. I think olive oil is okay for most cooking and canola for high heat. Butter is better than margarine when called for, but I don't think it's best for everyday cooking no matter what the gym chick says. She recommends 2 servings of veggies for 1serving of fruit with a combined total of 9-11 per day. I'll try for more vegetables and overall servings, but not 2:1. I'm just not sure what a reasonable cushion for indulgence moments should be.
It requires a lot more detailed tracking, so I'd use another program, but might keep WW for the blogging community. I would also need to talk Bobby into letting me get a heart rate monitor to figure out how much extra to eat to fuel my workouts. (I want one anyway, but I agreed to make it a milestone reward, which is still 16 lbs away.)
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Now with MORE sprinkles!
I typed up another down post yesterday, but held it back. Suffice it to say: period angst. I'm not used to having one, since I didn't for almost 2 years while I was trying to get pregnant, then another 19 months while I was pregnant and breastfeeding, and then while I figured out my birth control, it just didn’t seem like anything. Now stress and/or magic-office-PMS-syncing has it all out of control. I'm out of my mind with hormonal crazy.
Moving on. With that has come insatiable hunger. I conditionally gave in last night and gave myself permission to consume, as long as I have vegetables and fruit accompanying the chocolate and pasta or whatever. (Peas aren't free. WHYYY aren't peas free?) I'm convinced that further self-denial this week will result in someone's death or Bobby making me move back to my Mom's. I can be a raving lunatic, angry at everyone for their unreasonable habit of eating several times every day. Or I can just relax, do what I need too to get through it without casualties, and then move on. I’m not forgetting anything I’ve learned about responsible eating, and I’m confident I can still make better choices even if I don’t completely abstain. In times past, this kind of mental crisis probably would have ended with me making and eating an entire pan of double-fudge, ganache-filled brownies by myself.
Even with the angel food cake binge, I was down .2 lbs, and I’ll take that over a gain any day. We'll see how the rest of the week goes, but I’m not worrying about it anymore.
Weird time for an NSV – the pants I was so happy about fitting into a month or so ago won’t stay up today. (The first pair. There was a second pair last week; those are still tight.) I think I’m going to check my measurements again this weekend. I also turned down a free fountain Coke yesterday; didn’t even ask if they had Coke Zero.
Protein shake experiment of the week: I added a little bit of almond extract to my mix. It wasn’t quite as rich as with the peanut butter I tried last week, but it was a lot lower fat. I want to try cocoa powder and cherry extract next, I think.
Moving on. With that has come insatiable hunger. I conditionally gave in last night and gave myself permission to consume, as long as I have vegetables and fruit accompanying the chocolate and pasta or whatever. (Peas aren't free. WHYYY aren't peas free?) I'm convinced that further self-denial this week will result in someone's death or Bobby making me move back to my Mom's. I can be a raving lunatic, angry at everyone for their unreasonable habit of eating several times every day. Or I can just relax, do what I need too to get through it without casualties, and then move on. I’m not forgetting anything I’ve learned about responsible eating, and I’m confident I can still make better choices even if I don’t completely abstain. In times past, this kind of mental crisis probably would have ended with me making and eating an entire pan of double-fudge, ganache-filled brownies by myself.
Even with the angel food cake binge, I was down .2 lbs, and I’ll take that over a gain any day. We'll see how the rest of the week goes, but I’m not worrying about it anymore.
Weird time for an NSV – the pants I was so happy about fitting into a month or so ago won’t stay up today. (The first pair. There was a second pair last week; those are still tight.) I think I’m going to check my measurements again this weekend. I also turned down a free fountain Coke yesterday; didn’t even ask if they had Coke Zero.
Protein shake experiment of the week: I added a little bit of almond extract to my mix. It wasn’t quite as rich as with the peanut butter I tried last week, but it was a lot lower fat. I want to try cocoa powder and cherry extract next, I think.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Went a Little Crazy
I had a really rough Friday, and started thinking what's the point? I'm doing all this hard work, and all it's doing is making it more diffucult to deal with the stress I'm under already. Even if I succeed (and how likely is that?) it's not like it will change anything. All the things I dislike about my life will still be there, and I won't have gained anything significant in the parts I enjoy.
Yeah. That was bad. Needless to say, I didn't do so well this weekend. My hormone levels have been a little wonky, and I felt super hungry ALL weekend. I didn't completely ditch the plan, but I half-assed it all over the place most of the weekend. Then, on Sunday night, I ran down from my office to grab my credit card so I could renew my truck registration. Instead, I got distracted and made angel food cupcakes with chocolate cream cheese frosting. (And I didn't count how many I ate.) I never did get my registration done.
Today, I'm looking at the target again. I'm waiting until this afternoon to record my weight, but I'm pretty sure I'm looking at a gain. I worked out 2 extra days this week, then tossed all that effort into a cake mix! I am pretty disappointed with myself, but I'm moving past it. I can suddenly remember all the perfectly valid reasons why this IS worth it.
Part of this was brought on by some pictures of a girl who lost 73 lbs and is now garnering a lot of attention. She's just a tiny bit taller, and her current weight is my goal weight. I'm a bit hippier, but she has bigger breasts, so I think that we're pretty comparable body type. I don't know why, but instead of being inspired by her story, I looked at her photos and thought, " **** have I been smoking? There's no way I can EVER look like that!" I'm asking today, WHY NOT? I don't like how I reacted or understand entirely where it came from. Trying to figure it out.
I'm not sure about the copyright on the pictures, so none here, but they are all over the web now; search for "crissfit." Hopefully they're a little more inspiring to you.
Yeah. That was bad. Needless to say, I didn't do so well this weekend. My hormone levels have been a little wonky, and I felt super hungry ALL weekend. I didn't completely ditch the plan, but I half-assed it all over the place most of the weekend. Then, on Sunday night, I ran down from my office to grab my credit card so I could renew my truck registration. Instead, I got distracted and made angel food cupcakes with chocolate cream cheese frosting. (And I didn't count how many I ate.) I never did get my registration done.
Today, I'm looking at the target again. I'm waiting until this afternoon to record my weight, but I'm pretty sure I'm looking at a gain. I worked out 2 extra days this week, then tossed all that effort into a cake mix! I am pretty disappointed with myself, but I'm moving past it. I can suddenly remember all the perfectly valid reasons why this IS worth it.
Part of this was brought on by some pictures of a girl who lost 73 lbs and is now garnering a lot of attention. She's just a tiny bit taller, and her current weight is my goal weight. I'm a bit hippier, but she has bigger breasts, so I think that we're pretty comparable body type. I don't know why, but instead of being inspired by her story, I looked at her photos and thought, " **** have I been smoking? There's no way I can EVER look like that!" I'm asking today, WHY NOT? I don't like how I reacted or understand entirely where it came from. Trying to figure it out.
I'm not sure about the copyright on the pictures, so none here, but they are all over the web now; search for "crissfit." Hopefully they're a little more inspiring to you.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
New Games, New Plans, New Jeans
In the car this morning, Kate yelled, "Mom! There's a . Go! Run! Run! GO car, GO FAST! Gogogogogogo." Hmm. I'm not sure if I'm more pleased that she's pretending or more concerned that she's pretending something is chasing us, and we need to escape.
We also had a very interesting discussion this weekened about whales and fish. I was trying to explain that they're similar, but not the same. When I told her both live in the water, she freaked out and has since kept all her whales and fish far away from me, assumedly to prevent me from dumping them in the toilet, or something.
So we're going to take her to Sea World. When I suggested it to Bobby, he asked if we could take a week and make a road trip out of it. So, this August, we're planning to go to Sea World in San Antonio, drive down through Houston, stopping to visit (and maybe a day at the beach..?), and then into Louisiana to Bobby's family in Lafayette. We'll leave Katie with her grandparents, and go to New Orleans by ourselves for a day. I'm really excited. I wish we could do it in the spring, but oh well. Houston and southern Louisiana are awfully humid in August, but there are worse things, right? (*cough*NO*cough*)
My picture today is me the last time we went to San Antonio, when I was about 4 months pregnant. I wasn't in many of the photos from that trip (otherwise I'd have posted one from Sea World). This trip will be different.
NSVs today!
Last night, I jogged for 5 minutes. It started at the same pace I usually speed walk during our "sprint" but I got it up another .5mph for the last 90 seconds! I felt it in my legs the rest of the evening, and it was wonderful.
Today, I am wearing new jeans. (New as in retrieved from the closet of Paige's old sizes.) I showed Bobby, and he gave me a big hug and told me how great he thinks I am doing. I tried on some other ones too, and they fit, but not quite right. They're too short! I must've gotten taller as well as slimmer. =)
Edit: Forgot! I accidentally trimmed off half an eyebrow this morning. I couldn't believe it. Bobby suggested trimming the other one so they'd match. Note to self, no powered grooming when half awake!
We also had a very interesting discussion this weekened about whales and fish. I was trying to explain that they're similar, but not the same. When I told her both live in the water, she freaked out and has since kept all her whales and fish far away from me, assumedly to prevent me from dumping them in the toilet, or something.
So we're going to take her to Sea World. When I suggested it to Bobby, he asked if we could take a week and make a road trip out of it. So, this August, we're planning to go to Sea World in San Antonio, drive down through Houston, stopping to visit (and maybe a day at the beach..?), and then into Louisiana to Bobby's family in Lafayette. We'll leave Katie with her grandparents, and go to New Orleans by ourselves for a day. I'm really excited. I wish we could do it in the spring, but oh well. Houston and southern Louisiana are awfully humid in August, but there are worse things, right? (*cough*NO*cough*)
My picture today is me the last time we went to San Antonio, when I was about 4 months pregnant. I wasn't in many of the photos from that trip (otherwise I'd have posted one from Sea World). This trip will be different.
NSVs today!
Last night, I jogged for 5 minutes. It started at the same pace I usually speed walk during our "sprint" but I got it up another .5mph for the last 90 seconds! I felt it in my legs the rest of the evening, and it was wonderful.
Today, I am wearing new jeans. (New as in retrieved from the closet of Paige's old sizes.) I showed Bobby, and he gave me a big hug and told me how great he thinks I am doing. I tried on some other ones too, and they fit, but not quite right. They're too short! I must've gotten taller as well as slimmer. =)
Edit: Forgot! I accidentally trimmed off half an eyebrow this morning. I couldn't believe it. Bobby suggested trimming the other one so they'd match. Note to self, no powered grooming when half awake!
Monday, January 30, 2012
Little Update
I'm down exactly 2 lbs this week. Squee! I'm an extra hour of hard sweat away from the 160s, so if I'm there at my next weigh-in, I'm counting it as in the 160s by February.
Speaking of which, January flew by! Goodness. February marks 8 years of Bobby and me rubbing along together, and I'm trying to start saving up in hopes that for our tenth unofficial anniversary, we can afford a honeymoon. Bobby has already cleared leaving Katie with his parents for up to a week, and we want to go to Alaska. We had $7K saved for a trip to Europe once upon a time; we can save it again. (We had to bail his mom out of an expensive mistake, and then I got laid off and pregnant [simultaneously], so we didn't go, but the point is, we CAN save money if we try.)
I think I'm registered for the 5K mud run, but not positive. I ended up doing it over the phone, but I haven't received a confirmation. I may call again later to make sure I'm official. I don't want any sort of easy out. I'm trying to talk one of the other women in my office into doing it with me. I emailed her the flyer, and she looked at me like I was nuts when I went to ask her about it. "Mud, Paige? Really? You want me to wade through mud?" She said she'd think about it though. I think the mud is the fun part; I'm worried about the rope wall!
I have my treadmill class tonight. Afterwards, I'm going to plan out my strength building routine. I have 12 weeks and 5 days to prepare.
Speaking of which, January flew by! Goodness. February marks 8 years of Bobby and me rubbing along together, and I'm trying to start saving up in hopes that for our tenth unofficial anniversary, we can afford a honeymoon. Bobby has already cleared leaving Katie with his parents for up to a week, and we want to go to Alaska. We had $7K saved for a trip to Europe once upon a time; we can save it again. (We had to bail his mom out of an expensive mistake, and then I got laid off and pregnant [simultaneously], so we didn't go, but the point is, we CAN save money if we try.)
I think I'm registered for the 5K mud run, but not positive. I ended up doing it over the phone, but I haven't received a confirmation. I may call again later to make sure I'm official. I don't want any sort of easy out. I'm trying to talk one of the other women in my office into doing it with me. I emailed her the flyer, and she looked at me like I was nuts when I went to ask her about it. "Mud, Paige? Really? You want me to wade through mud?" She said she'd think about it though. I think the mud is the fun part; I'm worried about the rope wall!
I have my treadmill class tonight. Afterwards, I'm going to plan out my strength building routine. I have 12 weeks and 5 days to prepare.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Being Brave
I have been playing with the idea of doing a 5K for a little while, but my big hang up is that I don't really like running. Participating in a race just seems silly. I have family and friends that have done the Tough Mudder, and I've been interested, but blew it off, because obviously I can't do that.
Right now, I'm really trying to challenge the things I think I can and can't do. Why not? It's a 5K with dirt! (Okay, Tough Mudder is more than that, but there's versions suitable to beginners.) I'm almost doing 5K on a treadmill 3 days a week now. Today, a google offer popped up on my phone for a mud run in Dallas, and I bought it. On April 28th, I'm doing this. I'm going to bust my a** until then so I'm not last.
Now to figure out how to redeem the stupid thing...
Right now, I'm really trying to challenge the things I think I can and can't do. Why not? It's a 5K with dirt! (Okay, Tough Mudder is more than that, but there's versions suitable to beginners.) I'm almost doing 5K on a treadmill 3 days a week now. Today, a google offer popped up on my phone for a mud run in Dallas, and I bought it. On April 28th, I'm doing this. I'm going to bust my a** until then so I'm not last.
Now to figure out how to redeem the stupid thing...
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Feeling a Bit Better
Not only did I not go to book club or the gym, I went home from work early, gasp. So much sinus pressure, and my Aleve Cold and Sinus wasn't making a dent. Every time I turned my head the slightest bit, everything inside swam around and it took a second for my vision to realign. I went home and fell right into bed, and slept straight through the time I was supposed to go get Katie. Luckily, Bobby assumed I wouldn't get her when I wasn't feeling well and picked her up. She was so excited about Dad coming to get her, she wasn't too upset about waiting an extra 45 minutes.
Today is better, though not great. Even with my nap yesterday I’m tired, and my stomach was upset this morning. Work hasn't been too crazy this week, so I came back to less than 100 emails and have mostly caught up already. It was rainy again this morning, but it’s clearing out. Right now, the wind is howling around the building, making very mournful sounds.
My mom sent me a text letting me know the book club selection: Good Omens, by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman. It's the second book in a row that I've already read and wasn't wild about the first time around. I reread The Hunger Games; it was entertaining, even if I wasn't thrilled by it the first time. Good Omens, though? Meh. Do not want. I've felt pretty lukewarm about everything I've read the last couple months, though. I'm in a book rut! It's awful! I need something new to read, but between sci-fi/fantasy, mystery, supernatural chick fiction, romance, non-genre fiction, and non-fiction, what am I missing? Anyone have some recommendations?
I’m hungry today. I went for easy breakfast over filling breakfast, and I’m regretting it now. Usually it’s at least another hour before I start in on my fruit. I brought squash and cauliflower to steam for lunch, though, so I’ll be good if I can just go easy on the munching until then.
Today is better, though not great. Even with my nap yesterday I’m tired, and my stomach was upset this morning. Work hasn't been too crazy this week, so I came back to less than 100 emails and have mostly caught up already. It was rainy again this morning, but it’s clearing out. Right now, the wind is howling around the building, making very mournful sounds.
My mom sent me a text letting me know the book club selection: Good Omens, by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman. It's the second book in a row that I've already read and wasn't wild about the first time around. I reread The Hunger Games; it was entertaining, even if I wasn't thrilled by it the first time. Good Omens, though? Meh. Do not want. I've felt pretty lukewarm about everything I've read the last couple months, though. I'm in a book rut! It's awful! I need something new to read, but between sci-fi/fantasy, mystery, supernatural chick fiction, romance, non-genre fiction, and non-fiction, what am I missing? Anyone have some recommendations?
I’m hungry today. I went for easy breakfast over filling breakfast, and I’m regretting it now. Usually it’s at least another hour before I start in on my fruit. I brought squash and cauliflower to steam for lunch, though, so I’ll be good if I can just go easy on the munching until then.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Rainy Day
I LOVE rainy days. Texas does them right, too. Dark and gray and consistent waves of drizzle to downpour. Thunder and lighting, oh my! Ahh, it make my insides smile. (Anyone read Eat, Pray, Love? With the bit about smiling with every bit of yourself? Smile with your kidneys! Love that imagery.)
Unfortunately, one of the downpour stages hit yesterday just as I was running Kate out from daycare, and I got completely soaked putting her in the car. I kept her dry though! I turned on the heat and the car, and hurried home to strip, but it definitely didn't help the war on my cold. I spoke to Bobby briefly about something that came up with the stepvan lease, and afterwards, he sent me a text asking if I was okay because I sound awful. I'm definitely firmly in the grasp of this headcold. Ugh.
Tonight is my bookclub, and I'm kind of thinking about skipping it. I thoroughly enjoy it usually, but I don't want to get everyone sick. It usually goes pretty late, too, and I know I need the sleep. But if I don't go, I have to wait a whole month before the next one. And I want to know everyone's thoughts on the teenage battle royale. (We read The Hunger Games this month.) Grumble, grumble. I probably will skip it, but if I do... should I go to my class at the gym?
I just want to sleep! Maybe I can go a little early today (if I am a very good girl?) and nap an hour or so before I need to get Katie.
Ooooh, thunder.
Unfortunately, one of the downpour stages hit yesterday just as I was running Kate out from daycare, and I got completely soaked putting her in the car. I kept her dry though! I turned on the heat and the car, and hurried home to strip, but it definitely didn't help the war on my cold. I spoke to Bobby briefly about something that came up with the stepvan lease, and afterwards, he sent me a text asking if I was okay because I sound awful. I'm definitely firmly in the grasp of this headcold. Ugh.
Tonight is my bookclub, and I'm kind of thinking about skipping it. I thoroughly enjoy it usually, but I don't want to get everyone sick. It usually goes pretty late, too, and I know I need the sleep. But if I don't go, I have to wait a whole month before the next one. And I want to know everyone's thoughts on the teenage battle royale. (We read The Hunger Games this month.) Grumble, grumble. I probably will skip it, but if I do... should I go to my class at the gym?
I just want to sleep! Maybe I can go a little early today (if I am a very good girl?) and nap an hour or so before I need to get Katie.
Ooooh, thunder.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
I've Lost my Bowling Ball
I had a good weigh-in, so I'm starting with that. I weighed in today, because I couldn't get a consistant read on my scale yesterday. I intended to buy a new one this weekend, but I forgot. So! Today! I got a false read with in the 160's! Inaccurate, yes, but it's the first time the margin of error has been close enough to drop into that range. And my actual loss puts me .2 lbs into 10 lbs gone! That's how much my bowling ball weighs, and thinking about the heft of that thing GONE from my BODY is exciting.
Less exciting - I'm sick. Just a cold, but still cruddy. Bobby and Katie have already had it. In fact, we ended up not going out on the ATVs this weekend because Katie was running a temperature over 101 most of Saturday. It ended up being super windy and dusty, though; my mom said it wasn't much fun even with goggles and full face masks.
I worked really hard at the gym yesterday, because I'm missing my class for book club tomorrow. Tonight I think I'm going to go home and sleep, but I'm going to do Wii Fit on Thursday to try and balance it out. (Hear that self? It's on the web, so now you have to do it!)
I wasn't very good in terms of food the last couple days. I'm pushing to hit 50 in Star Wars: The Old Republic, because I'm supposed to start leading raids on Saturday. I've gone from 41 to 48 since Friday playing only when Katie is asleep, which means that I have not gotten much sleep. I drank more Coke Zero this weekend than I have in the last 2 months and I'm a terrible snacker at the keyboard. This is probably a contributing factor to me being brought low by the cold at last. (It's been teasing at my immune system for a couple weeks, but I was holding it off.)
With that said, however, not very good is still miles better than what I would have considered not very good six months ago. Most of my desktop snacks were fresh fruit. The "bad" lunch, I had a baked potato smothered in veggies, and I considered it a splurge item! That's progress, people. I also had an enormous sugar cookie, but I split it over three days, rather than eating that with my lunch AND a Coke I would have refilled to take home. (I love fountain soda, but I limit myself to about one a month now. No refills.)
Less exciting - I'm sick. Just a cold, but still cruddy. Bobby and Katie have already had it. In fact, we ended up not going out on the ATVs this weekend because Katie was running a temperature over 101 most of Saturday. It ended up being super windy and dusty, though; my mom said it wasn't much fun even with goggles and full face masks.
I worked really hard at the gym yesterday, because I'm missing my class for book club tomorrow. Tonight I think I'm going to go home and sleep, but I'm going to do Wii Fit on Thursday to try and balance it out. (Hear that self? It's on the web, so now you have to do it!)
I wasn't very good in terms of food the last couple days. I'm pushing to hit 50 in Star Wars: The Old Republic, because I'm supposed to start leading raids on Saturday. I've gone from 41 to 48 since Friday playing only when Katie is asleep, which means that I have not gotten much sleep. I drank more Coke Zero this weekend than I have in the last 2 months and I'm a terrible snacker at the keyboard. This is probably a contributing factor to me being brought low by the cold at last. (It's been teasing at my immune system for a couple weeks, but I was holding it off.)
With that said, however, not very good is still miles better than what I would have considered not very good six months ago. Most of my desktop snacks were fresh fruit. The "bad" lunch, I had a baked potato smothered in veggies, and I considered it a splurge item! That's progress, people. I also had an enormous sugar cookie, but I split it over three days, rather than eating that with my lunch AND a Coke I would have refilled to take home. (I love fountain soda, but I limit myself to about one a month now. No refills.)
Friday, January 20, 2012
Friday Five: Big Band and Decisions
Five things I’m thinking about today:
1) Swing/Big Band music makes me happy. I know already Bobby wouldn’t take lessons with me, but I wonder if there are classes for partnerless people? That would be a good thing for me to practice being brave on.
2) I’m stuck. David has been pretty unwilling to do anything but pay lipservice to my advancement inquiries, so I still don’t know anything more about the position in India or the self-review I turned in last week. I’m thinking about going to the office director, but he’s intimidating as hell, and I don’t want David **** at me. The CFO reads and comments on every single one of them, though, so theoretically I’ll get some feedback eventually. Or get fired.
3) Bobby’s feeling better, so the 4-wheeling outing with my parents is back on, and I’m torn about whether or not to go. A good trip is relaxing and awesome. A bad trip is stressful and so not what I need. I could play it safe and stay home or risk it and possibly have a great time. (Picture of one of the awesome trips.) It’s supposed to be beautiful this weekend (in the 70s), so I’m leaning towards going.
4) The dietician at my gym pushes unprocessed, all-natural, organic foods pretty hard. She also pushes supplements and meal replacement powders. There’s a gap here that I’m having trouble wrapping my head around, because protein powder and supplements are synthesized and processed to hell. It doesn’t seem to me that you can logically fully support both. I think processed foods aren’t ALL bad and supplements aren’t ALL good, but trying to decide how much of her advice I want to take is driving me nuts.
5) I go to the gym three days a week, but I don't do anything active the other days. I know I need to start adding in strength training in my core and arms, but, man, I am having a hard time doing it at home! One of the other blogs I read recommended a different game for the Wii Fit that’s a little more continuous exercise than the standard one, but I kind of want to know I can commit to doing something at home regularly before I invest in it more. How do you get yourself off the couch?
1) Swing/Big Band music makes me happy. I know already Bobby wouldn’t take lessons with me, but I wonder if there are classes for partnerless people? That would be a good thing for me to practice being brave on.
2) I’m stuck. David has been pretty unwilling to do anything but pay lipservice to my advancement inquiries, so I still don’t know anything more about the position in India or the self-review I turned in last week. I’m thinking about going to the office director, but he’s intimidating as hell, and I don’t want David **** at me. The CFO reads and comments on every single one of them, though, so theoretically I’ll get some feedback eventually. Or get fired.
3) Bobby’s feeling better, so the 4-wheeling outing with my parents is back on, and I’m torn about whether or not to go. A good trip is relaxing and awesome. A bad trip is stressful and so not what I need. I could play it safe and stay home or risk it and possibly have a great time. (Picture of one of the awesome trips.) It’s supposed to be beautiful this weekend (in the 70s), so I’m leaning towards going.
4) The dietician at my gym pushes unprocessed, all-natural, organic foods pretty hard. She also pushes supplements and meal replacement powders. There’s a gap here that I’m having trouble wrapping my head around, because protein powder and supplements are synthesized and processed to hell. It doesn’t seem to me that you can logically fully support both. I think processed foods aren’t ALL bad and supplements aren’t ALL good, but trying to decide how much of her advice I want to take is driving me nuts.
5) I go to the gym three days a week, but I don't do anything active the other days. I know I need to start adding in strength training in my core and arms, but, man, I am having a hard time doing it at home! One of the other blogs I read recommended a different game for the Wii Fit that’s a little more continuous exercise than the standard one, but I kind of want to know I can commit to doing something at home regularly before I invest in it more. How do you get yourself off the couch?
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Ouch! ..Or Losing Arguments with Inanimate Objects
Last night was my double duty exercise night - Team and yoga. It was very close; Bobby was barely in time. I waited in the driveway and we swapped baby for car as soon as he pulled up. (I don't do both if I have Katie at the gym care center. Yoga goes past her bedtime.) Mom came late for Team; she thought the class was at 6:30 or 7, rather than 6. She says she's not ready for yoga.
I brought my own mat for yoga, which I've only done once before. I've had the mat since middle school, but I've only used it a few times and always on carpet. Using it at the gym, I've noticed serious slippage issues, and last night it felt like I didn't have any padding between my hands and the floor at all. My hands hurt more than any of my muscles. I struggled with it the whole vinyasa portion of the class. The gym's mats are kind of gross, and they stretch, making it hard to hold any positions that are open (lunges, warrior anything, downward dog). So I'm hunting for a mat solution.
And to follow with the post's theme; the feud with my scale continues! I like to monitor a little during the week, and I know I can fluctuate a lot, but 7 different numbers in 10 minutes is excessive. I'm so frustrated with it, I might have to buy a new one after kicking it across the room. (I've resisted so far, because it's heavy. I want to break it, not my foot.)
This morning, my truck door would not stay open, and it bruised my arm closing on me while I was turning to get Kate. Either the truck door or my mat struggle has my wrist aching today. We're planning to go ride ATVs this weekend, so I really hope it's better by then. Of course, Bobby's throwing up today, so maybe that's out anyway. (Food sick, not plague sick, he thinks.)
The boss man is munching through a bag of cool ranch Doritos and making me HUNGRY and the two oranges and mug of tea I just inhaled did nothing. Grumble. Should I hold on 'til lunch or make some popcorn?
I brought my own mat for yoga, which I've only done once before. I've had the mat since middle school, but I've only used it a few times and always on carpet. Using it at the gym, I've noticed serious slippage issues, and last night it felt like I didn't have any padding between my hands and the floor at all. My hands hurt more than any of my muscles. I struggled with it the whole vinyasa portion of the class. The gym's mats are kind of gross, and they stretch, making it hard to hold any positions that are open (lunges, warrior anything, downward dog). So I'm hunting for a mat solution.
And to follow with the post's theme; the feud with my scale continues! I like to monitor a little during the week, and I know I can fluctuate a lot, but 7 different numbers in 10 minutes is excessive. I'm so frustrated with it, I might have to buy a new one after kicking it across the room. (I've resisted so far, because it's heavy. I want to break it, not my foot.)
This morning, my truck door would not stay open, and it bruised my arm closing on me while I was turning to get Kate. Either the truck door or my mat struggle has my wrist aching today. We're planning to go ride ATVs this weekend, so I really hope it's better by then. Of course, Bobby's throwing up today, so maybe that's out anyway. (Food sick, not plague sick, he thinks.)
The boss man is munching through a bag of cool ranch Doritos and making me HUNGRY and the two oranges and mug of tea I just inhaled did nothing. Grumble. Should I hold on 'til lunch or make some popcorn?
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Before I Jump In
I'm in a good mood this morning, so I want to post now, since the last couple haven't been so chipper.
I had a very good workout last night; my mom came! Afterwards, I got some solid quality time with my two favorite people, which always makes me happy. At the gym, I bought a protein shake shaker with a blender ball in it that works kind of like a wire whisk. I've made two protein drinks in it so far, and it worked as well as or better than my mini blender. Happy to have another easy breakfast option! (Though I've been enjoying my pre-cooked oatmeal, I haven't figured out the best freezing/reheating route.)
Work is already starting to chip away at the edges of my sanity, but I have a couple NSVs to share really fast.
The Saturday before last, my gym class instructor measured us for the official start of Team: Weight Loss. I've lost 3 inches around my waist and 1 inch each around my thighs and upper arms. Yay! Today, I'm comfortably wearing a pair of pants I haven't worn since just after I had Katie. (I was 15ish lbs below my pre-pregnancy weight the first week after she was born. I gained all that and a little extra back after I weaned her. I started this journey heavier than I was at the peak of my pregnancy.)
I had a very good workout last night; my mom came! Afterwards, I got some solid quality time with my two favorite people, which always makes me happy. At the gym, I bought a protein shake shaker with a blender ball in it that works kind of like a wire whisk. I've made two protein drinks in it so far, and it worked as well as or better than my mini blender. Happy to have another easy breakfast option! (Though I've been enjoying my pre-cooked oatmeal, I haven't figured out the best freezing/reheating route.)
Work is already starting to chip away at the edges of my sanity, but I have a couple NSVs to share really fast.
The Saturday before last, my gym class instructor measured us for the official start of Team: Weight Loss. I've lost 3 inches around my waist and 1 inch each around my thighs and upper arms. Yay! Today, I'm comfortably wearing a pair of pants I haven't worn since just after I had Katie. (I was 15ish lbs below my pre-pregnancy weight the first week after she was born. I gained all that and a little extra back after I weaned her. I started this journey heavier than I was at the peak of my pregnancy.)
Monday, January 16, 2012
After my meltdown last week, I had a relatively calm weekend. I crashed right after Katie went to bed on Friday, and Bobby let me sleep in, so I got about 13 hours of (mostly) uninterrupted rest. I'm still feeling a little ragged around the edges, but I've mostly pulled myself together. I know I’m still closer to my limits than I’d like, and my hold on my temper is frayed, but I can smile when I don't mean it. I don't like when it's obvious I'm on edge, and pretty much everyone noticed and commented last week.
Saturday, my mom joined my gym, because she had high blood pressure at her annual exam last week. She has been considering it for a while, but explored cheaper options first and never went to any of them more than once or twice. She thinks if she is going with me, she might actually go. I talked her into joining my class as well, at least for the 2 months she got free with my referral.
Today was weigh-in, and I am happy with a 2.4 lb loss putting me at 173.4 (after a false read of 172, stupid scale). That means I've lost everything I gained in December, and a little extra. I also hit my 5% goal, and set my next one for 168 lbs. While I'm still ashamed of my behavior last week, I'm proud of myself for not trying to bury it with food.
When I got started with all this, I made a spreadsheet that calculates my loss so far and how much I need to lose next week to be on track for my ultimate goal of 58 lbs in 50 weeks. I know Weight Watchers advises against deadlines, but it's just a tool; I'm not going decide if I succeeded based on my weight on that date. Katie's second birthday was a huge catalyst for me, and I promised myself then that I would be in a better place by her third birthday. The small weekly goals really help motivate me to keep trying. This is my eleventh week - double the amount of time my last "diet" lasted.
I also made a little grid with a square for each pound I want to lose. I listed my milestone goals and marked them on the grid. Each week I cross off a box each pound lost and keep it in view on my desk. It's very satisfying to see my row of Xs. I think about how much I want to cross off another box or two next Monday, and it helps me turn down invitations to lunch and still-warm mall pretzels.
Ohoh! I also bought a pair of running shoes. Bobby has been pestering me a while to get a good pair designed specifically for walking/running. I'm excited to use them tonight.
Saturday, my mom joined my gym, because she had high blood pressure at her annual exam last week. She has been considering it for a while, but explored cheaper options first and never went to any of them more than once or twice. She thinks if she is going with me, she might actually go. I talked her into joining my class as well, at least for the 2 months she got free with my referral.
Today was weigh-in, and I am happy with a 2.4 lb loss putting me at 173.4 (after a false read of 172, stupid scale). That means I've lost everything I gained in December, and a little extra. I also hit my 5% goal, and set my next one for 168 lbs. While I'm still ashamed of my behavior last week, I'm proud of myself for not trying to bury it with food.
When I got started with all this, I made a spreadsheet that calculates my loss so far and how much I need to lose next week to be on track for my ultimate goal of 58 lbs in 50 weeks. I know Weight Watchers advises against deadlines, but it's just a tool; I'm not going decide if I succeeded based on my weight on that date. Katie's second birthday was a huge catalyst for me, and I promised myself then that I would be in a better place by her third birthday. The small weekly goals really help motivate me to keep trying. This is my eleventh week - double the amount of time my last "diet" lasted.
I also made a little grid with a square for each pound I want to lose. I listed my milestone goals and marked them on the grid. Each week I cross off a box each pound lost and keep it in view on my desk. It's very satisfying to see my row of Xs. I think about how much I want to cross off another box or two next Monday, and it helps me turn down invitations to lunch and still-warm mall pretzels.
Ohoh! I also bought a pair of running shoes. Bobby has been pestering me a while to get a good pair designed specifically for walking/running. I'm excited to use them tonight.
Friday, January 13, 2012
My Heart Hurts
Bobby and I went back and forth about my going to Louisiana all day yesterday. I decided I would go, and he told me I should stay and work. When I decided to stay, he railed at me for that. Ultimately, I packed my stuff, we loaded up, and got on the road by about 6:20. I’d warned him when I got home that I was flat out of patience and had little hold on my temper, but it just seemed like he wouldn’t lay off of me. I know some (a lot) of it was me, but I just couldn’t find a way down. Katie ate her chicken for dinner, but did not want to go to sleep. Instead, she was shrieking randomly, and I got a little sharp with her, so Bobby got sharp with me.
Bobby kept saying he didn’t want to be around me if I was going to be like that the whole trip, and I really think I could have gotten myself under control with a bit of peace and quiet. Instead, I managed to make him mad enough that he turned around to go home. I tried to convince him to turn around a couple times, but he wouldn’t. I added guilt about making Bobby miss his grandmother’s funeral and tipped from insanely stressed out into full-on nervous breakdown and spent the next hour alternating crying and trying to calm down.
We had another HUGE fight about it this morning until I went over the edge and had an all-out temper tantrum, completely with screaming, throwing things, and stomping my feet. I have never felt such a crazy amount of emotional overload. It did, however, seem to help Bobby realize how crazy stressed out I feel, and we agreed we were equally at fault for his missing the funeral.
And then I cried the whole way to work.
Work is still stress factor 12, and I am just feeling exhausted. I had to fill out my annual performance self-review today, and I didn’t hold anything back about how I feel about the workload. I really don’t think it will make a difference, however, which is discouraging. I want to go home and sleep for a month, but the best I can do is probably going to bed after Katie is down for the night.
Bobby kept saying he didn’t want to be around me if I was going to be like that the whole trip, and I really think I could have gotten myself under control with a bit of peace and quiet. Instead, I managed to make him mad enough that he turned around to go home. I tried to convince him to turn around a couple times, but he wouldn’t. I added guilt about making Bobby miss his grandmother’s funeral and tipped from insanely stressed out into full-on nervous breakdown and spent the next hour alternating crying and trying to calm down.
We had another HUGE fight about it this morning until I went over the edge and had an all-out temper tantrum, completely with screaming, throwing things, and stomping my feet. I have never felt such a crazy amount of emotional overload. It did, however, seem to help Bobby realize how crazy stressed out I feel, and we agreed we were equally at fault for his missing the funeral.
And then I cried the whole way to work.
Work is still stress factor 12, and I am just feeling exhausted. I had to fill out my annual performance self-review today, and I didn’t hold anything back about how I feel about the workload. I really don’t think it will make a difference, however, which is discouraging. I want to go home and sleep for a month, but the best I can do is probably going to bed after Katie is down for the night.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
I'm Not Feeling it Today
Not anything; I'm just in a terrible mood. Work was pretty rough yesterday, and my boss told me this morning that our office is the only one of the five running over capacity and that, normally, a project like Boston would be assigned to three people to work on exclusively. (We're two people with twenty other hotels. No exaggeration, I counted my active project codes.) I'm not sure if he meant that to be encouraging (it's not our fault we can't keep up), but I mostly just found it frustrating. Why are we the only office overloaded? And in that office, why do we have a third more than anyone else?
After work tonight, we're driving down to Lafayette for the funeral tomorrow. I'm hoping we can come home tomorrow night, so I can work partial days Saturday and Sunday, because, hey, if I fall anymore behind on stuff, I'm going to start having panic attacks in the bathroom. Without the phones and email, I might even get more done than I would have been able to on Friday. Bobby seems to think I'm being an utter b**ch suggesting we only stay a day. His reaction was even worse when I said he could go alone and stay as long as he wanted and I could go to work. That got me a speech about "what it means to be married" that left me fuming.
Good workout last night; I was pleasantly sore when we were done. Bobby was at the mall buying dress pants, so I treated myself to Taco Bell after. I've been hardcore craving a burrito for weeks and it was delicious. I looked up the points before I picked and everything. Unfortunately, I didn't track the brownie I ate before I left work until this morning when I could look at the wrapper, and THAT turned out to be 6 points, so I dipped into my APs anyway.
I'm giving something I read on another blog a try. I swapped my settings to use APs first instead of weeklies. Then, each week, I give myself a dollar for every activity point left uneaten. (I'm on a budget, though, so I'm thinking my APs might only be worth 50 cents.) For people that eat their activity points and weeklies and still lose, it's probably not a good incentive, but I am not one of those people.
After work tonight, we're driving down to Lafayette for the funeral tomorrow. I'm hoping we can come home tomorrow night, so I can work partial days Saturday and Sunday, because, hey, if I fall anymore behind on stuff, I'm going to start having panic attacks in the bathroom. Without the phones and email, I might even get more done than I would have been able to on Friday. Bobby seems to think I'm being an utter b**ch suggesting we only stay a day. His reaction was even worse when I said he could go alone and stay as long as he wanted and I could go to work. That got me a speech about "what it means to be married" that left me fuming.
Good workout last night; I was pleasantly sore when we were done. Bobby was at the mall buying dress pants, so I treated myself to Taco Bell after. I've been hardcore craving a burrito for weeks and it was delicious. I looked up the points before I picked and everything. Unfortunately, I didn't track the brownie I ate before I left work until this morning when I could look at the wrapper, and THAT turned out to be 6 points, so I dipped into my APs anyway.
I'm giving something I read on another blog a try. I swapped my settings to use APs first instead of weeklies. Then, each week, I give myself a dollar for every activity point left uneaten. (I'm on a budget, though, so I'm thinking my APs might only be worth 50 cents.) For people that eat their activity points and weeklies and still lose, it's probably not a good incentive, but I am not one of those people.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Tuesday, Right?
Only 8:30 am, and I've already had three little, "Crap, I forgot to do [Wednesday-specific task]!" moments. I'm thinking about running my payroll early just so I can stop freaking out about it. (Which backfires. I freaked out last week thinking I'd missed the window only to discover I'd done it the previous Friday to avoid missing it with the holiday.)
I am in a strangely good mood today. Yesterday we got an email about our annual "goals" that made me really mad. I'm all sorts of in favor of goals, if they are constructive and enriching. These are not, and we are already buried. I work unpaid overtime every week and still can't keep up, and they're giving us busywork. It's very frustrating. Especially when I'd already chosen a goal working towards something that WILL help me improve: finishing the Project Management course work. I really like to be cheerful though, so I'm clinging to it.
I'm also feeling guilty about the good mood, because Bobby's grandmother died last night. I feel bad for Bobby, of course. I know that if it was one of my grandparents, I'd be devastated. I did not know her well, but she was always nice to me. Bobby kept our marriage a secret for over a year, and I didn't even meet most of his family until I was 7 months pregnant, but Miss Loretta was incredibly welcoming. I was blown away by the obvious love she had for Bobby. So I'm trying to tone down my good mood and still feeling like a heartless b**ch. The picture on my blog today is Bobby's grandmother and Katie, taken in May 2010.
I had a really good workout last night. On Mondays, we meet with a nutritionist first, so the workout period is shorter. I can push myself a little harder without being afraid I'll run out of steam before the hour is up. Last night was the first time I managed to get my speed up to the level I was working at before I stopped holding on to the rails. Only for four minutes, but I was still happy with that.
More NSVs: I exchanged a men's XXL jacket I bought by mistake before Christmas. (Normally, I'd have gotten XL, but I wanted a L so it wouldn't be too huge next winter.) The store I took it back to only had a M, but I really wanted the jacket, so I got it figuring it would be fine unzipped. At home, I zipped it just to see and Bobby says, "I thought you said you looked like a sausage with it zipped? You look great!" Yay! This after my mom told me, "I can definitely tell there's less of you. I know you haven't officially lost much, but keep at it, because whatever you're doing looks good."
(PS - When I pulled up my facebook to find the picture, right at the top of my feed was a link to an article about an untreatable strain of TB in India. Gulp.)
I am in a strangely good mood today. Yesterday we got an email about our annual "goals" that made me really mad. I'm all sorts of in favor of goals, if they are constructive and enriching. These are not, and we are already buried. I work unpaid overtime every week and still can't keep up, and they're giving us busywork. It's very frustrating. Especially when I'd already chosen a goal working towards something that WILL help me improve: finishing the Project Management course work. I really like to be cheerful though, so I'm clinging to it.
I'm also feeling guilty about the good mood, because Bobby's grandmother died last night. I feel bad for Bobby, of course. I know that if it was one of my grandparents, I'd be devastated. I did not know her well, but she was always nice to me. Bobby kept our marriage a secret for over a year, and I didn't even meet most of his family until I was 7 months pregnant, but Miss Loretta was incredibly welcoming. I was blown away by the obvious love she had for Bobby. So I'm trying to tone down my good mood and still feeling like a heartless b**ch. The picture on my blog today is Bobby's grandmother and Katie, taken in May 2010.
I had a really good workout last night. On Mondays, we meet with a nutritionist first, so the workout period is shorter. I can push myself a little harder without being afraid I'll run out of steam before the hour is up. Last night was the first time I managed to get my speed up to the level I was working at before I stopped holding on to the rails. Only for four minutes, but I was still happy with that.
More NSVs: I exchanged a men's XXL jacket I bought by mistake before Christmas. (Normally, I'd have gotten XL, but I wanted a L so it wouldn't be too huge next winter.) The store I took it back to only had a M, but I really wanted the jacket, so I got it figuring it would be fine unzipped. At home, I zipped it just to see and Bobby says, "I thought you said you looked like a sausage with it zipped? You look great!" Yay! This after my mom told me, "I can definitely tell there's less of you. I know you haven't officially lost much, but keep at it, because whatever you're doing looks good."
(PS - When I pulled up my facebook to find the picture, right at the top of my feed was a link to an article about an untreatable strain of TB in India. Gulp.)
Monday, January 9, 2012
8,806 Miles
I woke up this morning feeling good, but I think there’s a puddle of energy somewhere between my house and my office, because I’m crazy tired now. Maybe the weather? It was really dark coming in, so maybe my body thinks I deserved another hour of sleep. Don’t know. Do know I’m having a really hard time remembering where I left off with my POs last week.
I weighed in this morning. I hate my scale/bathroom floor. I hopped out of bed and right onto the scale this morning, then did a happy dance when I saw 174. I was super excited for a bunch of reasons. Then I went upstairs to go to the bathroom and get my Kate up, and then decided it couldn’t hurt to see if peeing had dropped me down another tenth. (My 5% goal is 173.9, so caring about another tenth wasn’t super weird.)
The scaled said 175.8. What?
I moved it to a different tile. 177.4
Shifted it a little. 176.0
Moved it again. 175.8 four times in a row, moving it between.
I’m taking the 175.8 since it came up consistently, but it’s so frustrating! I would have been happy with 175.8 if I hadn’t gotten the 174 first. I feel like I gained 1.8 lbs rather than losing 1.6. I wish I could be confident that my scale is deficient, because I could buy a new one and move on, but I think my uneven tile is really the culprit. However, it does seem like once my scale gets a fix, it keeps putting up that number, even if I put each foot on a different tile and stand off-center. I don’t know. What if I buy a new scale, and it says I’m 180 again? I’ll cry.
Some time today, I’m talking to my boss about volunteering for my company’s new office in India. I am incredibly excited and scared about the idea, but I’m trying to keep everything in check until I know more about what they want and what they are offering. (ie, if they just want a project director to start the office and hire/train local staff, I am not a good candidate. In the same vein, if they're not providing any relocation assistance, I'm not interested.) Also very nervous about the discussion itself, because I’m basically telling David I don’t want to work under him anymore. (Which is true. I started managing my own projects in 2006. It’s very frustrating to be someone’s coordinator, but I can understand they want me to prove myself here.)
Mumbai. Just.. seriously. Mumbai, India. I've dreamed about travelling the world forever, it seems like, but it's always seemed so inaccessible. I feel like I'd be crazy to pass up the oppurtunity, but, at the same time, how do you prepare for something like this? How do you decide to sell off your life and move halfway around the world with a family and no safety net? (All right, my imagination is running away again. Must wait until I have more details! Calm down, chick.)
I weighed in this morning. I hate my scale/bathroom floor. I hopped out of bed and right onto the scale this morning, then did a happy dance when I saw 174. I was super excited for a bunch of reasons. Then I went upstairs to go to the bathroom and get my Kate up, and then decided it couldn’t hurt to see if peeing had dropped me down another tenth. (My 5% goal is 173.9, so caring about another tenth wasn’t super weird.)
The scaled said 175.8. What?
I moved it to a different tile. 177.4
Shifted it a little. 176.0
Moved it again. 175.8 four times in a row, moving it between.
I’m taking the 175.8 since it came up consistently, but it’s so frustrating! I would have been happy with 175.8 if I hadn’t gotten the 174 first. I feel like I gained 1.8 lbs rather than losing 1.6. I wish I could be confident that my scale is deficient, because I could buy a new one and move on, but I think my uneven tile is really the culprit. However, it does seem like once my scale gets a fix, it keeps putting up that number, even if I put each foot on a different tile and stand off-center. I don’t know. What if I buy a new scale, and it says I’m 180 again? I’ll cry.
Some time today, I’m talking to my boss about volunteering for my company’s new office in India. I am incredibly excited and scared about the idea, but I’m trying to keep everything in check until I know more about what they want and what they are offering. (ie, if they just want a project director to start the office and hire/train local staff, I am not a good candidate. In the same vein, if they're not providing any relocation assistance, I'm not interested.) Also very nervous about the discussion itself, because I’m basically telling David I don’t want to work under him anymore. (Which is true. I started managing my own projects in 2006. It’s very frustrating to be someone’s coordinator, but I can understand they want me to prove myself here.)
Mumbai. Just.. seriously. Mumbai, India. I've dreamed about travelling the world forever, it seems like, but it's always seemed so inaccessible. I feel like I'd be crazy to pass up the oppurtunity, but, at the same time, how do you prepare for something like this? How do you decide to sell off your life and move halfway around the world with a family and no safety net? (All right, my imagination is running away again. Must wait until I have more details! Calm down, chick.)
Friday, January 6, 2012
Bits and Pieces
I finally updated Java at home and changed my profile picture to a normal one from the horned Halloween one. The new picture was taken a couple of months ago at my cousin's birthday dinner, which was at this wonderful Irish pub in (one of) the trendy area(s) of Dallas. I had a fabulous Shepherd's Pie, and used many, many weeklies. I wish I could eat Irish food more often. I may experiment with finding a way to make a healthier Shepherd's Pie.
We got Japanese for lunch, and I got a grilled salmon bento box with steamed veggies instead of tempura. It still racked up a lot of points, though, so I need to be careful the rest of the day. The scale (I've been peeking..) has been coming down all week, I'm hoping for a good weigh-in next Tuesday.
Wednesday, I doubled up my workout and did my treadmill class and yoga. I was running way late, so I ran all the way across the parking lot to get there and then turned my speed up a little too much. I had to slow way down for one “hill” to work out a cramp in my calf, but I nudged it back up after and rocked it on the directionals. (By the time we were done, I was about ready to fall off, though.) Then, in yoga, I really focused on pushing deeper into the moves and keeping my core muscles tight. I've been a little sore, but mostly I feel great. I even managed an Up Dog for the first time ever, and did more of the flow sequences without modifications than I could before.
This morning, I couldn't find any clean jeans, so I dug into my "too-small" stash. Three pairs were too tight (though ALL zipped!), but I found a pair one size down that were okay for work. While I was hip deep in my closet, I saw my jewelry box and decided to try on my rings. Tight, but not uncomfortable! I'm so pleased to be wearing my wedding ring again.
The scale might be stubborn, but the NSVs are really adding up! Work might be killing me slowly, so I'm really pleased I'm holding it together on the weight loss front.
We got Japanese for lunch, and I got a grilled salmon bento box with steamed veggies instead of tempura. It still racked up a lot of points, though, so I need to be careful the rest of the day. The scale (I've been peeking..) has been coming down all week, I'm hoping for a good weigh-in next Tuesday.
Wednesday, I doubled up my workout and did my treadmill class and yoga. I was running way late, so I ran all the way across the parking lot to get there and then turned my speed up a little too much. I had to slow way down for one “hill” to work out a cramp in my calf, but I nudged it back up after and rocked it on the directionals. (By the time we were done, I was about ready to fall off, though.) Then, in yoga, I really focused on pushing deeper into the moves and keeping my core muscles tight. I've been a little sore, but mostly I feel great. I even managed an Up Dog for the first time ever, and did more of the flow sequences without modifications than I could before.
This morning, I couldn't find any clean jeans, so I dug into my "too-small" stash. Three pairs were too tight (though ALL zipped!), but I found a pair one size down that were okay for work. While I was hip deep in my closet, I saw my jewelry box and decided to try on my rings. Tight, but not uncomfortable! I'm so pleased to be wearing my wedding ring again.
The scale might be stubborn, but the NSVs are really adding up! Work might be killing me slowly, so I'm really pleased I'm holding it together on the weight loss front.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Work, now in new and exciting stress flavors!
Work has been extra stressful in the last couple of months, due to several projects all wanting March install. Budgets range from small half mill projects to one monster that has that much still to be ordered and over 170 POs already placed. The small one has a finnicky designer who requires extra special care and attention and the monster has special flame rating requirements for Boston building codes. The latter could easily fill my days all by itself. (Then there are 2 more, but nothing special beyond the rush.)
And today, the PO system (never swift) is slowing way down and occassionally locking completely. UGH. I'm frantically trying to get things entered in the periods of functionality, and then just sick to my stomach when it's in its crash mode.
I made myself a cup of tea (Earl Gray, splenda, and fat free half & half) to try and chill a little. And then my boss scampers on back (seriously, he was excited) to announce someone's brought in chicken and sausage biscuits, "And they're still warm! Mmm-mmmmmm." (He'd consumed half of one right in front of me by this point.)
So instead of beating on the server with a hammer while simultaneously eating both a sausage and a chicken biscuit, I'm taking a blog break and breathing deep while I sip my tea and pretend it doesn't matter if I don't cut another 70 POs this week. Triumph tastes better than 11 points (each!) of bread and unidentified animal parts, right? Remember the burritos, woman!
(I'm seriously obsessing about this. Maybe I can eat half, eat lunch and hour-ish late, skip my afternoon snack and push hard at my workout tonight. That's not unreasonable, is it? Am I justifying a bad decision?)
And today, the PO system (never swift) is slowing way down and occassionally locking completely. UGH. I'm frantically trying to get things entered in the periods of functionality, and then just sick to my stomach when it's in its crash mode.
I made myself a cup of tea (Earl Gray, splenda, and fat free half & half) to try and chill a little. And then my boss scampers on back (seriously, he was excited) to announce someone's brought in chicken and sausage biscuits, "And they're still warm! Mmm-mmmmmm." (He'd consumed half of one right in front of me by this point.)
So instead of beating on the server with a hammer while simultaneously eating both a sausage and a chicken biscuit, I'm taking a blog break and breathing deep while I sip my tea and pretend it doesn't matter if I don't cut another 70 POs this week. Triumph tastes better than 11 points (each!) of bread and unidentified animal parts, right? Remember the burritos, woman!
(I'm seriously obsessing about this. Maybe I can eat half, eat lunch and hour-ish late, skip my afternoon snack and push hard at my workout tonight. That's not unreasonable, is it? Am I justifying a bad decision?)
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